Dibera left her apartment in the morning after a sleepless night. She had tried to swallow yesterday’s leftovers, but the food tasted like rubber, and she almost vomited. She did not want to see Adawmem. Yet she knew she had to, and that alone almost drove her crazy. Men!
Advanced Awesome Memory (what a silly name, by the way) was standing under the subway sign and checking the time with theatrical sighs. Dibera immediately wanted to run away. It took much of her willpower to overcome that feeling and approach him. He was wearing the lead-and-aluminum overcoat she’d given him for his birthday, and her PSU skipped a current.
“Hey,” Adawmem greeted her gloomily.
“Hey,” she responded, trying to sound as warm as she could in her condition. Uncomfortable silence fell in.
“That’s it, then?” Adawmem asked icily.
That was all he’d been capable of. Not a hug, not a smile, not a reassuring word. He was expecting all that from her. And she’d gladly give him that – if only she could. But she was physically incapable of anything like that at the moment. Part of her was madly hoping that he comforted her, while another – a colder, more calculating one – started devising a retreat strategy, blocking all emotions in one swift defensive maneuver, erecting an impenetrable wall with a skill men could not even begin to fathom.
Adawmem, however, interpreted her silence in his own way.
“All right,” he said, seemingly trying very hard to control the irrational anger consuming him. “I see you care for Adcodis more than for me. This is it, then. Good-bye ... I wish you all the best, Dibera. I ... won’t stop loving you.”
He stuck out his chin in a manner she had usually found comically endearing. Even now, exhaustion conquering every bolt in her body step by step, she could muster a feeble smile illuminating the pretty straight lines of her glistening, silvery steel face.
Apparently, for Adawmem that smile meant something else entirely. He clenched his fists in powerless rage.
“Dibera,” he was almost hissing. “I’ve given you my PSU. And you spit on it with your smile. Do me a favor and at least stop mocking my suffering. But I don’t expect you to understand. I guess all I can do now is leave ... and never bother you again.”
He turned and started walking away.
It was then that Dibera exploded. Not literally, of course. Her motherboard was strong and sat well in her attractive body, thanks Oduya. But the frustration was becoming unbearable. She saw that Adawmem was frustrated as well, in his own way. She understood what he was feeling, yet something prevented her from helping him. It was, above all, his extreme stupidity – how could he be so dense as to not understand she only had eyes for him? And his idiotic, oppressive jealousy - how could anyone deal with that? His lack of basic empathy and unabashedly self-centered attitude were weighing down heavily on any tenderness she was still feeling for him, paralyzing her.
So she shouted.
“Go away, then!” she screamed. “Go away ... and don’t come back!”
Adawmem produced a lopsided grin that almost made her slap him.
“That’s what I thought,” he said in that unbearable, arrogant, childish tone he’d always been using to seal their quarrels. “Good-bye, Digital Beautiful RAM.”
Even that ... Using her full name in a dumb act of fake dignity designed to awaken pity in her. Pity? Maybe that’s how one had to treat men - like creatures with a damaged CPU, incapable of any sort of behavior she thought was worthy of being called “manly”. Men! She thought again, this time with resigned despair. And her lovely eyes squeezed out a few helpless tears.
The day started in a bad way already. First, Adawmem was unable to sleep. How could he when he knew that he’d hurt Dibera with a jealous scene the night before? Then again, what was he supposed to do when she kept mentioning that jerk Adcodis over and over again? He wanted to get out and beat him down to an oily heap. Break his joints, tear the RAM sticks out of his Oduya-damned motherboard. Then he got hotly ashamed of these violent thoughts. If only Dibera could once tell him she understood how he felt, just once! But no, he was deprived of that consolation. Women!
He arrived at the subway entrance ten minutes in advance. He waited twenty minutes. Of course she was late. She’d always been late. Being on time, that basic expression of respect to another person, had never been one of her virtues.
When she finally appeared his PSU skipped a current – so beautiful she looked in the wolfram skirt he had bought her for her birthday, gently covering the elegant lines of her thighs. Dibera. Digital Beautiful RAM. What a lovely name.
“Hey,” he greeted her in a firm, collected voice.
“Hey,” she retorted coldly. Uncomfortable silence fell in.
She always did that. No matter how he would start a conversation, every time he had to start it anew with each sentence. Everything had to be his initiative. She wouldn’t have parted with the tiniest bit of information pertaining to her emotional state. He just had to guess everything, and that was indescribably exhausting.
“That’s it, then?” he asked imploringly.
He regretted that as soon as the words came out of the depths of his sound card. Never show a woman your weakness. They prey on it like wild animals. He had to be cool with her, yet instead he was all emotional and needy. That was probably not “manly” in her eyes – whatever that word meant.
She was still silent. Did she even care? He was beginning to doubt that. Black despair started creeping into his soul.
“All right,” he said, trying very hard to control the barely perceptible, understandable anger. “I see you care for Adcodis more than you do for me. This is it, then. Good-bye ... I wish you all the best, Dibera. I ... won’t stop loving you.”
He tried to put as much calm dignity into the expression of his face as he could muster. Dibera was refusing to communicate. He was tortured by uncertainty and she didn’t even bother to talk, let alone give any sort of explanation. The best he could do was show her he still cared for her no matter what.
But then she smiled. She was amused by what was happening. She was laughing at him! He clenched his fists in powerless rage.
“Dibera,” he lowered his voice because he was afraid he’d shout. “I’ve given you my PSU. And you spit on it with your smile. Do me a favor and at least stop mocking my suffering. But I don’t expect you to understand. I guess all I can do now is leave ... and never bother you again.”
He turned and started walking away.
It was then that Dibera exploded. Not literally, of course. Her motherboard was strong and sat well in her attractive body, thanks Oduya. But she freaked out. Totally. It just came out of the blue. There was no logic, no warning signals, nothing. Just a giant irrational outburst of insanity.
“Go away, then!” she screamed suddenly. “Go away ... and don’t come back!”
That was, then, her true answer. All this time she’d just wanted to break up, but had been afraid to speak out, probably out of pity. Eventually, she’d lost control. That was good. Good that she wouldn’t need to pretend anymore. Good that the dreadful uncertainty was finally done with. Adawmem knew that pleading would be humiliatingly useless. The only thing he could do was respect her wishes and take it like a man. He tried to smile, fighting back the searing pain ravaging his power supply unit.
“That’s what I thought,” he said calmly, trying to keep it brief. “Good-bye, Digital Beautiful RAM.”
He used her full name to emphasize the fact he was accepting the doleful separation imposed on them by her enigmatic will. As the great poet had said – “Faulty circuit, thy name is woman! The murky depths of thy mind are akin to a hard drive before defragmentation!” Or something like that. Women! Adawmem realized that he was fighting back tears.