Chapter 90: Old Money

Visitor: Good morning.

Cashier: Good morning.

Visitor: I have a hundred in old tenners here and I’d like to exchange them for the new notes.

Cashier: Oh, you would, would you? Well, this should have been done by Monday and it’s Wednesday now. Why have you brought them in so late?

Visitor: I know I should have done this earlier, but the money belongs to my wife and she’s only just noticed that it’s out of date.

Cashier: Has she now? It’s a pity she didn’t spot that earlier.

Visitor: Yes it is, but as it happens I phoned your manager and was told that it’s all right for you to swap the cash now.

Cashier: This is very irregular but I’ll oblige you without consulting my boss. Anyway, why hasn’t your wife come in herself?

Visitor: Because she isn’t well enough.

Cashier: What’s wrong with her?

Visitor: She has arthritis, but I don’t see what that has to do with you.

Cashier: It wouldn’t do you any harm to humour me. How long has she had this problem?

Visitor: A couple of years.

Cashier: Are you looking after her properly?

Visitor: Of course I am. Are you satisfied now?

Cashier: Not quite. How long have you been married?

Visitor: Forty-two years.

Cashier: Ah, I thought as much.

Visitor: What do mean by that?

Cashier: It’s simple enough. Forty-two is six times seven. That’s the seven-year itch, sixth time around. You’ve probably been looking elsewhere and neglecting the poor woman, so this ailment is an outward manifestation of her inner pain.

Visitor: I’m so sorry to hear that. As a matter of fact we haven’t been getting on too well recently.

Cashier: There, you see. If you’d been treating the lady properly, she wouldn’t have landed you with this old money problem. What she’s really doing is crying for your attention. It’s high time for you to show that you really care.

Visitor: For a person who seems to be less than half my age, you appear to know a lot about these matters.

Cashier: Age doesn’t have much to do with it. I’m a married woman and I do know plenty about suffering.

Visitor: You appear to conflate wedlock with misery. I don’t see why.

Cashier: No, you wouldn’t. However, I can’t spend all day discussing your affairs.

Visitor: Pardon me, madam, but you started this. I came here on a simple errand and you sailed into me in this unwarranted way.

Cashier: I’ve finished now.

Visitor: What a relief. How about the shiny new banknotes?

Cashier: Oh, yes. One hundred in tens. Here you are. And make sure you spend some of it on that poor woman.

Visitor: You seem to have forgotten that it’s her money.

Cashier: Don’t quibble. Just buy her something nice. She won’t mind whose cash it is. Now pull yourself together and start giving her the affection she needs.

Visitor: I’ll see what I can do. Goodbye and thanks for the advice.

Cashier: You’re welcome. Have a nice day.