Chapter 88: Altercation

Dear Penfellow,

I have just read your supposedly funny piece about an electronic newt. Whatever gave you the idea that you are (a) a humorist or (b) a writer of any kind? This collection of words, I can hardly share your opinion by calling it a story, is absolute drivel. Take it from me, a highly successful published writer, that you have no chance at all of getting anywhere with trash like this. Your best course of action would have been to submit it to a shredder.

The only words of comfort I can give you are that you’re not alone as a hopeless contributor to this forum, which I joined last week. I intend to offer some incisive comments to other incompetent aspiring authors, giving them the same advice as I offer to you, which is to abandon writing and turn your hand to something for which you have talent, if there is any such field. Doing that will save you a lot of wasted effort, and spare other people the time involved in trawling through your feeble efforts, searching in vain for something enjoyable. I did consider sending this as a private message, but on reflection I think it should be available to all members and guests.

Writinman

Dear Writinman,

I suppose common courtesy requires me to answer your diatribe, though I would be justified in ignoring it. Like you I’m a newcomer to scribblers.com and I never expected that my little tale about the newt would evoke such an onslaught. Responding at length to what you regard as a critique is not worth the exertion it would entail, but I will stoop to your level for a few minutes, if only to demonstrate that you are not this site’s only exponent of mud-wrestling.

First, my intention was merely to offer a little light entertainment. I did not ask for observations, though I understand that as this is a forum we are exposed to remarks, including derogatory ones. Second, I note that in addition to harpooning my work, you have already carried out your threat to attack other members in much the same way. It would seem that nobody is good enough to satisfy you, despite the fact that several of those you have assaulted are established authors who are simply enjoying themselves here and giving pleasure to others. In fulfilling the requirement to make a minimum number of postings before presenting your own doubtless immortal efforts, you have adhered resolutely to negative remarks and did not offer a single word of praise to anyone.

I have done a little research into your record. When joining scribblers.com you did indeed describe yourself as a successful author, albeit in your words, of self-published material. Oh dear, this is not quite the case, is it? The information I have unearthed is that your output amounts to one story in the historical fiction genre, produced by a notorious vanity publisher, rightly disdained by good writers.