Chapter 16

In the introduction to ‘Man In Debt’ I stated that it would consist of fourteen instalments. While the posting was in progress, I changed this to sixteen. I am sorry that I do not know how to alter the original figure. However, the final part is given below.

Reception and dinner at Poplar House, Halfpenny Lane, Little Chinfold, hosted by Cedric King and starting at 7.30 p.m. on 5 April.

Present: Cedric King, Margaret Brough (King’s ex-wife, currently re-married), Brian Bodkin, Susan Bodkin, Stephen Rook, Henry Blaimire, Emily Blaimire, Lionel String and Alice String. Apology for absence received from Mr M. Aytuzi. Speaker, Cedric King.

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you all for coming. I am sorry that Mr Aytuzi could not be with us, but appreciate that his remorseless pursuit of borrowers in arrear brooks no interference. I would have liked to meet the Lebanese Limpet, as I believe he is sometimes called, but perhaps we have been spared some discomfort, as a man who never takes a dram might have dampened, or possibly dried, our spirits.

Now, unaccustomed as I am to speaking in this way, I hardly know what to say. So much has happened in the last few weeks. Perhaps I should start by apologising for my appearance. I do not normally receive guests while I am swathed in bandages. The fact is that I was conducting an experiment involving glassware. There was a mishap which I will not describe, as it was bad enough to experience such a thing, without recounting it.

We are gathered here at a moment which for me produces both joy and sorrow. I am reminded of the words of Kipling, who suggested that one true test of the worthiness of a person’s character was the ability to meet with triumph and disaster, and treat those two impostors just the same.

The tears I am having so much difficulty in concealing are occasioned by two developments. First, I have to tell you that after much toil and many setbacks, I was on the verge of a discovery which would have immeasurably improved life for all of us, when a final cruel and, I fear, irreversible snag wrecked everything. Only those who have had the cup dashed from their lips at the very moment of success can know how I feel. Was it Sisyphus who was condemned to roll a boulder up a hill, from the top of which it repeatedly fell back to the bottom? I know how he felt but I will not labour this theme.

Second, you have before you a bereaved man. My Aunt Ethel, as dear a friend as anyone might wish to have, died last night. Here again, I do not wish to be a wet blanket on what I had expected to be a wholly joyous occasion. Ethel and I were exceptionally close, so the loss to me is great. However, you all have your burdens to bear and no doubt mine are not greater than those carried by many others. I am mindful of the words of Solon of Athens, spoken about two thousand five hundred years ago. You may recall his observation that if all our misfortunes could be placed in a common heap, from which each of us would be required to take equal portions, most people would be happy to pick up the share fate had dealt them and depart.

We must summon up the sinews – I think that is borrowed from Wodehouse, but I doubt that he will object. More likely he will be gratified to be among his peers viewing our affairs from the beyond, noting that their turns of phrase have become part of our language. And with regard to the hereafter, I ask you all to consider your likely positions when you get there. I do not apologise for saying that there are those present who have dunned me mercilessly in the small matter of my oversight with respect to mortgage payments. I said all along that this microscopic affair would end satisfactorily for all concerned, and it has.

I do not intend to go into detail, so let me say only that I was always confident of my ability to be equal to the occasion. But for the distraction caused by the experiments I mentioned earlier, I would not have overlooked my remittances to Aytuzi, hair-raising though they are. It is purely and simply unfortunate that the start of the repayment schedule coincided with the last stages of my programme of ground-breaking work. Such is the lot of anyone operating at the uttermost limits of science. If you have never had the experience of total absorption in a struggle to advance the lot of humankind, you cannot understand my position. Therefore, to those of you who may have had unkind thoughts about me, I offer forgiveness.

Now, not having resorted to the insecure man’s device of making notes, I fear I am in danger of failing to touch upon certain significant points, so please allow me to address those that come to mind.

During the course of my contact with Brian Bodkin, I became aware of a serious shortcoming on my part. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, a major flaw. Not easy to comprehend, is it? Brian, you drew my attention to my weaknesses in the matrimonial area. If it were within my power, I would confer upon you an honour for your efforts. As you see, my former and future wife is with us. Yes, we are reconciled and shall marry again as soon as she is freed from her present ... er ... encumbrance. Perhaps you are in the wrong business, Brian. May I suggest that you turn your attention to counselling? Without wishing to disparage any of your possible future efforts, I doubt that you will achieve anything to equal what you have done for the Kings. Please accept our most heartfelt thanks.