Chapter 2: First Reply From Planet X to Emissary

Dear Dweedles

Your initial report duly received, as were the appendices, which are of truly intolerable length, this being the first of the bones we have to pick with you. Was it really necessary to send us such a bundle of bumf? You are excessively verbose, so it is no wonder you encounter battery trouble, which we hardly need point out has cost implications. Please note that the expense account for your jaunt is not unlimited. You have been away for two hundred years (Earth time) and what do we have to show for this but one planet that just might do? Maybe the long time you have spent alone has affected your thought processes.

As for the observations concerning your supposed indispensability, be advised that we have a couple of trainees who could give you a run for your money in the matter of hopping around the galaxies via cosmic wormholes. Nobody has exclusive possession of such skills. You may be interested to learn that as a final test in astronavigation, these two cadets took a short journey to a star twenty-odd light-years from here and returned safely to us, three days before their trip started. That’s what we call travelling.

You will see that your query concerning what we would do without you was injudicious, as it caused us to consider that question. Oh dear, perhaps you have tripped over your tongue, which would not be a surprise, considering the length of that organ.

Kindly let us have more details, and in doing so, remember that we are not occupied solely by a growing population here. Our star is warming up and we are experiencing some discomfort. There is an element of urgency.

Keep up the mediocre work.

Best wishes from Mission Control

Watch out for a sharp reaction from Dweedles, coming shortly.