Chapter 24

After Dad stormed out, Mom locked herself in their room, mumbling sorry a few times as she left. Although the ending was different, this was how I remembered large parts of my childhood. Dad getting angry, drunk, or both, taking a few swings at one of us, and leaving for more drinking while Mom found a place to hide, leaving me alone.

Of course, this had ended slightly better than that, since the only hitting that happened after that first slap was Dad’s face against the refrigerator, but it still shattered the illusion I’d allowed myself to believe for the last year and change. Although she was working herself to the bone, Mom had flowered once Dad was gone and it hadn’t seemed like he’d come back. She’d become more outspoken about what she wanted, for herself and for me, and she’d taken a lot more direct hand in parenting me, to the point where I’d gotten several lectures last year on my behavior and choices.

It had been convincing, and I’d believed it. Now that Dad was back, though, all that progress was gone. She was back to weakly defending everything that man did, making excuses for why each time was different or okay. I wanted to go into her room and talk to her about it, maybe somehow snap her out of this hold he had over her, but at the moment, I knew that would be a mistake. She hadn’t been like this since before he’d gone to jail. In the past when he’d wail on her and then disappear, she became almost catatonic. I’d never been able to get more than a few mumbled words from her. If I tried now, maybe I’d make things worse, since I knew she felt guilty about not standing up to him.

Although Dad left, I doubted he’d be gone for long. He never went anywhere since coming here, so it was unlikely he had any friends to crash with, and unless he was planning on raiding the band account again, he wasn’t going to be able to afford a hotel since he didn’t have a job. Even if he didn’t come back, I didn’t particularly feel like staying in the trailer, which is why I was on Hanna’s front step when her mother came home.

I think she could read how upset I was by the look on my face, and that I didn’t particularly want to talk, because she let me in without a word and said I could use Hanna’s room. I appreciated her discretion, although as I was lying on Hanna’s bed, staring at the ceiling, I realized there was someone I did want to talk to.

“Don’t mess up my room,” Hanna said when she picked up.

“What?” I asked, surprised.

“Mom texted me and said she was letting you use my room. Everything okay?”

“No, but I don’t want to talk about that.”

“Sure, you called me, though. So what’s up?”

“Kent set up a meeting with me and our new manager on the eleventh. They’re giving me a chance to approve him before he’s assigned, I guess to make up for the whole mess with Brent. I know it’s a lot to ask, since classes just started and it would be a lot of driving for you, but could you come back and be at that meeting?”

“Sure,” she said, without even hesitating. “Do you think there’s going to be a problem with him?”

“No, I just trust your judgment and would prefer if you were there. You were the first one to notice the problems with Brent, and I want to get your take on this new guy.”

“I doubt Kent would assign you a second bad manager, so he’ll probably be fine.”

“I know, and Kent was good about dealing with Brent when we complained, but I still want a second opinion, just to be sure.”

“I get it. Count me in.”

“Okay. Thanks. How’s college?”

“It’s fine, although we’ve barely started. My roommate is okay, although we don’t have a lot in common and don’t hang out or anything, she doesn’t annoy me. The classes are going to be less interesting than the stuff I was doing with Dr. Cross, but I expected that. First couple of years will be basics. Still better than high school though. Speaking of high school, I hear you have a new girlfriend.”

“Kat talked to you?”

“She mentioned it in passing, and since she calls me more than my best friend, it’s all the news I get these days.”

“Sorry, things have been busy.”

“I’ve heard, but I want to talk about this girl of yours.”

“She’s not my girl. We haven’t even been out on a date. She talked to me at Kat’s swim meet, and we really hit it off. We’ve hung out a few times as friends, but that’s it.”

“From how defensive Kat gets every time she talks about her, I thought maybe there was more. Or maybe the potential for more.”

“Maybe.”

“Ohh, so you like her. Come on, spill.”

“Nothing to spill. Yeah, she’s cute, funny, isn’t stuck up or self-centered, and it feels really comfortable to talk to her.”

“So, not Rhonda.”

“Definitely not Rhonda, although she’s popped up again. She stopped Sydney and made a bunch of rude comments to her.”

“Ignore her. She’s just jealous you aren’t out there pining away for her. She’s never happy unless she’s the center of attention.”

“I know.”

“So why haven’t you asked her out yet? From everything I’ve heard, she’s into you.”

“What do you mean, everything you’ve heard? Who else have you talked to?”

“Megan and Fatima may have texted me.”

“Man, you girls can’t help but gossip.”

“Your two best friends are girls, and you’re just figuring this out? This is prime-time stuff. They all know they’d get an ear full if I get left out of the loop.”

“I’m glad I’m a good source of entertainment.”

“It’s why we keep you around, but you’ve dodged the question. Why haven’t you asked her out?”

“There’s just been a lot going on. Dad being here has kind of thrown everything else out of whack.”

“I get it, but don’t let him get in your head so much that you let life pass you by. Letting life pass you by because of him gives him the win.”

“I guess.”

“Good. See, if you just called me more, I could knock sense into you.”

“Yes, clearly that was my mistake. I’ll try to do better,” I said in a deadpan voice, making her laugh.

We stayed on the phone for another hour, mostly with the conversation alternating between comments about my asking Sydney out and about what she’d been doing since she left for college. She was right, I did need to call her more. I appreciated Kat, but our relationship was different. She wouldn’t tell me stuff I didn’t want to hear but needed to hear, and I was overly self-conscious about dumping too much on her, since she needed the space to be able to fix her own issues.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t just hide out at Hanna’s house forever, even though her mom probably would have let me. For one, I needed a shower and a change of clothes before school, I needed my change of clothes for working out with Chef and for our gig at the Blue Ridge that night, and I needed my instrument. While I was at it, I also should probably grab my backpack with my homework and all my textbooks in it too, since I’d probably need them for classes.

I tried to just sneak in and grab my stuff and get out, but Mom was in the living area sitting on the couch when I walked in. She looked like hell and I seriously doubted she’d slept at all. I looked back towards the rear of the trailer where her room was, listening to see if Dad had come back. There wasn’t much to hear, but I wanted to avoid another confrontation if possible.

“He’s not here,” she said, figuring out what I was doing.

“Good,” I said, starting to head back toward my room.

“He’ll be back tonight, though.”

“Why?” I asked, much more aggressively than I intended to.

“Because he’s your father and my husband, and he gets to live here.”

“Not after he puts his hands on you. I mean, Jesus, Mom, if I hadn’t stopped him, he would have kicked the shit out of you. How can you let him come back here? Why are you even still married to him?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“No kidding! I don’t understand, and it’s not because I’m a kid. No one would understand, because it’s crazy. He’s a drunk who was in prison for killing a man, and this is far from the first time he’s hit you, or me for that matter. You had the perfect opportunity to get rid of him, and instead, he gets out on a technicality and you go back to being terrified of him, and accepting whatever bullshit he wants to dish out, because ... what, you love him? Here we are on the verge of you only needing one job, something good on the horizon, and you’re ready to throw that all away. He takes a bunch of money that’s not his, fine. He verbally abuses you any chance he gets, fine. He slaps you and tries to kick you in the ribs, fine. Where’s the line? Does he have to kill someone else for you to decide he’s a lost cause?”

“You’re young, Charlie, and you don’t really understand what it’s like to be in love. Has your father made mistakes, yes? He’s not a perfect man. But he knows it and he’s going to try to do better. He’s even agreed to go to a marriage counselor this time.”

“Can you even hear yourself? This is insane. There isn’t enough counseling in the world to fix that man. He’s dangerous, Mom. You need to drop him.”

“I can’t,” she said, but with a lot less force, looking down at her hands as she did.

She was a broken woman. I could see it. I imagined this must be what it was like to learn your parent was a drug addict. She knew it, too. I stared at her, trying to will her to be a parent and do the right thing for us, but she wouldn’t look up.

After a few more moments I could only give an exasperated sigh and storm back to my room. I needed to get to school and had a long day ahead of me, and there was nothing I could do about this but try to avoid them as best as I could.