Loose Cannons - Cover

Loose Cannons

Copyright© 2022 by Lazlo Zalezac

Chapter 6

There was a heavy pressure on Guy’s chest when he woke. He slowly opened his eyes and looked around. It took a moment for him to remember that he was on the couch at Selena’s home. He looked down at his chest to find out what was pressing down on him.

There was a black and white cat stretched out on his chest in a pose reminiscent of the Sphinx in Egypt. It was staring him in the eye.

“Hello, cat,” Guy said.

The cat gave him one of those looks that only a cat can make. At least it wasn’t scared off.

“I hope you’re feeling better this morning than I am.”

Guy reached up and ran a hand along the back of the cat. The cat started to purr.

“That’s it. Time to get that rumble machine going,” Guy said.

He started rubbing the cat along the side of its neck. It closed its eyes and leaned its head into his hand. The purring got even deeper.

“You like that,” Guy said realizing that he had really missed having a pet.

Selena came out of the bedroom wearing a fluffy yellow bathrobe. She looked over at the sofa on which Guy had slept and took in the scene. She had never seen the cat acting like that with anyone. It was usually pretty skittish around people.

She said, “I see you’ve met the cat.”

“Indeed I have,” he answered.

“It never cared for Mike.”

Guy said, “This cat has impeccable taste when it comes to people.”

“You might be right,” Selena said. “I’ll start some coffee.”

Still petting the cat, Guy asked, “How are you feeling this morning?”

“I expected to feel worse than I do. I’m glad you had me drink all that water,” Selena said.

“Dehydration makes a hangover even worse,” he said. “We’d feel a lot better if we had a little hair of the dog that bit us.”

Selena said, “You seem to know a lot about dealing with hangovers. Have them often?”

“Not really. I don’t really approve of drinking all that much. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve tied on a few in my time, but I don’t make it a habit,” Guy replied.

“Well, discovering that your wife has given you a gift like an STD sounds like a perfect excuse to me,” Selena said while entering the kitchen.

“I’m not going to argue with you on that one,” Guy said.

Selena said, “I think I’ve got some whiskey here. I’ll add a little to the coffee.”

“That would be good,” Guy said.

The conversation was disturbing the cat and he could tell that it was getting ready to leave. It had about as much affection as it could stand for the moment.

“Go on. I can tell you’re getting antsy,” Guy said giving the cat one final stroke along its back.

“What did you say?” Selena asked.

“I was just saying goodbye to the cat,” Guy answered.

The cat disappeared through the open window. Guy watched it go with a smile. He kind of liked that independence of character in cats. They come to you, get what they want, and then go on their way. If you are ready for them, great, and if not, then no big deal.

He sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. With Selena in the little kitchen nook, he realized it was a good time to get dressed. He slipped on his pants. He grabbed his shirt noticing that it was pretty wrinkled. He had just wadded it up and thrown it on floor the previous night.

“How do you take your coffee?” Selena asked.

“Black with a spoonful of sugar,” Guy answered.

“Okay,” Selena called back.

Selena came out of the kitchen carrying two cups of coffee. She set one down on the coffee table. Guy picked it up and took a drink. He could taste the whiskey in it.

“My mouth tastes like a herd of camels slept in it,” Guy said.

“I know what you mean. The first thing I did this morning was brush my teeth,” Selena said.

Guy replied, “I’m guess I’m going to have to go home sometime today if only to get my toothbrush.”

“What are you going to do?” Selena asked.

“I don’t know. Divorce the bitch, I guess. I haven’t thought that far ahead,” he answered.

He wondered how he was going to explain his overnight absence. This was the first time that he had ever stayed out overnight without her knowing exactly where he was and what he was doing. Disappearing for a night wasn’t exactly the kind of behavior one expected of a good husband.

Selena said, “It sounds reasonable to me.”

“Why wasn’t I enough for her? She was everything to me,” Guy asked slumping down.

Selena said, “Those kinds of questions will drive you crazy. The Lord knows that I’ve spent more than one evening at home wondering why men aren’t attracted to me. I know that I’m not what most men consider to be a pretty woman, but I’m not truly ugly.”

“You’re a fine looking woman,” Guy said.

Selena said, “Bullshit. I’m big boned and hefty looking.”

“So? You’ve got a substantial rack. I know a couple guys who’d suffocate to death while exploring those puppies,” Guy replied.

Selena laughed. “At least you’re honest.”

“Well, the way I figure it, you’ve got what God gave you,” Guy said. “That’s all we all have.”

“So what are you going to tell your wife?” Selena asked.

Guy answered, “I’ll tell her the truth. I went to a bar, got in a fight, got drunk, crashed at someone’s house, and woke up wondering where the hell I was. I’ll just leave out a few details.”

“Like what?”

“Like it was your house where I spent the night,” Guy answered. “I won’t feel too guilty lying to her considering the lies she must be telling me.”

“So are you going to stay there?” Selena asked.

Guy said, “I’m going to collect some evidence of her cheating before I divorce her.”

“It won’t do you any good. This is a community property state with no fault divorces. You’ll have a fifty-fifty split no matter what she’s done,” Selena said.

“I’ll be able to walk away with a clean conscience,” Guy said.

“You can do that now.”

“I suppose,” Guy said.

He wasn’t willing to say aloud that he wanted a chance to make his wife feel just as bad as he was feeling at the moment. He didn’t know how he was going to do it, but she was going to pay.

Selena finished her coffee and then announced, “I better get dressed. I’ve got to get to work.”

“I’ll call a cab. He can drop us off at the bar so we can get our cars,” Guy said.

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