Chapter 34

I was feeling better on Monday, right up until English class. It was the first time I’d seen Rhonda since the party. We’ve moved next to each other early in the year, and normally we sat next to each other. She was already there by the time I got to class, and her desk had a girl I barely knew in it. Rhonda was now on the other side of the room, and wouldn’t make eye contact.

The feelings of loss, betrayal, and anger that I’d been pushing down all Sunday came rushing back. Not as bad as Saturday night, but for a moment it was still overwhelming. I tried to ignore it, and focus on my work, but I didn’t have much luck. We were reading poetry, which I found boring normally. Now, I could barely focus on it, missing entirely the first time the teacher called on me to read something in class.

As soon as the bell rang for lunch, I bolted, not looking at Rhonda as I passed her desk and went out the door. I didn’t feel much like eating and I really didn’t feel like dealing with everyone. Except for Hanna, I hadn’t talked to anyone else in our lunch group since it happened, and I was certain word would have gotten to most of them by now. The last thing I wanted was someone asking me if I was okay.

Instead, I headed for the Choir room, which I knew was empty during this lunch period, thanks to my practice with Cameron. I’d asked Hanna to tell him I didn’t feel up to any kind of lessons today, and not to expect me, so I hoped he’d just gone to lunch and wouldn’t be there.

Thankfully, the lights were off and the room was empty. I slipped inside and didn’t turn on the lights, just in case he saw me. For the first five minutes, I just sat there in the dark, until I realized I was just slipping into the sadness spiral I’d gone down Sunday afternoon.

Chef had been right. I hadn’t fixed anything, I’d just managed to bury it a little bit and was surprised by how easy it’d come back the second I saw Rhonda. I couldn’t tell if he was right about it hurting less, but it had only been a couple of days. Maybe I was just hoping it’d be all better, since I never wanted to feel like I did Saturday night ever again.

I heaved a sigh and got up. I needed something to distract my brain, like Chef said, and I was in the choir room, so I pulled out the notebook I’d been using for notes when Willie and I practiced. We’d spent almost two hours, before it was time to go up on stage, the night before, going over ideas for my first song.

I knew what emotion I was going for and the topic I wanted to use to invoke that emotion, but that was only the starting point. We’d started working on the tune for it, going with something that slowed down on the chorus and then picked up speed on the verses, hitting the notes harder on every other downbeat. The rhythm wasn’t set, but it was getting there. I still wasn’t sure about the actual tone though, and hadn’t settled on a melody yet, or any words really.

I was running through the beat chart I’d started, humming different melodies, when a cough behind me almost made me jump through my skin. Normally, I liked to think I was pretty observant, but I’d thrown myself into the music, partly because that’s how I always treated music and partly to get my mind off how I felt about Rhonda. I hadn’t heard the door open or anyone come in.

I spun around, half expecting Cameron and worried it might be Aaron, who’d almost certainly want to see how much he’d hurt me and if he could add to it. What I hadn’t expected was a teacher, in his forties maybe, with a bushy brown beard. Although, considering I was in a classroom, I probably should have.

“That wasn’t bad, the last thing you hummed. What is it?”

“Just something I was working on.”

“Ohh, that’s your song?”

“Yes, Sir. Sorry, I’m probably not supposed to be in here, I’ll get going.”

“No, no. You’re here already and this is a music room, so at least you’re on topic. Better than the other kids I sometimes find in here with the lights off during lunch. It’s kind of dark though, do you mind if I turn these on.”

“Sure.”

“Can I see what you’ve got?”

“It’s just some notes, I haven’t actually written anything yet. I was working on it with a friend yesterday.”

He unclipped a set of reading glasses that had been hooked to the collar of his shirt and slid them on, coming to stand next to me.

“So you’ve got your rhythm decided on?”

“Maybe, I don’t know. Like I said, I just started.”

“That’s fine, it’s a good place to start. I like this. You’ve got this repeated thing in what I’m guessing is the chorus. If you get a good melody to play off that, it’ll be catchy. It looks like you’re slowing down again in the verses, is that on purpose?”

“Yeah. It’s about the feeling of finding something you didn’t know you needed. So the chorus is trying to give the feeling of when you found it and the verses are about what you felt before you found it, when you didn’t know you were missing it.”

“You don’t have words yet though.”

“Not yet. I know who it’s about and I know what I want to say, but I didn’t really have any words. My friend, he’s a musician, he said we usually start with the emotion.”

“Yeah, Willie usually likes to go that way. It’s not the only way to write music, but he’s always been dead set on emotion first, everything else second.”

“Wait ... you know Willie?”

“I do. I also know who you are, Charlie. Sorry, I didn’t mean to come off as all mysterious,” he said, laughing at the confused look on my face. “I think a third of the town has been out to see you play at the Blue Ridge. It’s not like you’re going under the radar.”

“I ... How ... I’m sorry, I just feel like I’m missing something here.”

“Willie and I go back a long while. We did a few tours together, what, twenty years ago? He’s actually the reason I’m teaching here. I was looking to settle down and get off the road and he talked to someone who talked to the principal about an opening for a new choir teacher, and here I am.”

It was a safe bet that the person Willie talked to was Chef. If there was anyone who could swing something like that, it’d be him.

“Willie called me last night, actually. He said you were working on writing your own music and might need some more help. I was actually going to get Cameron to ask you to come and see me, since I heard you two are friends, but here you are, in my choir room.”

“Sorry, I know we’re not supposed to be in classrooms when there’s...”

“Don’t worry about it. Feel free to use this room whenever you need to, as long as you’re not in class.”

“Thanks, Mr...”

“Sorry, French. Let me ask you, have you thought about joining the choir?”

“No. I mean, I’m more of a guitar player, not a singer.”

“Unless you’re planning on getting a front man to perform these songs, you might want to reevaluate that.”

“I know, I guess I just haven’t thought about it.”

“Well, you’re getting help from Cameron. He’s good and he’s had enough private lessons to have an idea of what he’s talking about, but he’s also a completely different kind of singer to you. Choir is more than just singing as a group. We help you train your instrument, which needs just as much practice as you’re guitar does.”

“Cameron did say that.”

“I hope so, since I say it at least once a week in class. Think about it. We compete every year, and you’re much better than you give yourself credit for, so we could use you; but also, I think you’ll find it helps. Besides, a good artist needs to experience a wide range of music, if only to understand the options available to them. You’re not going to get that playing top forty covers and old blues standards.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“It’s all I ask. Now, show me what you’re thinking on these melodies.”

I know I couldn’t dodge my friends forever, so I manned up and joined them for lunch on Tuesday. As expected, they peppered me with questions and threw out the odd gossip they’d heard, some of it possible and some of it crazy.

Thankfully, Hanna was there and kept a lid on the worst of it. I’d told her on the way to school that morning that I didn’t mind answering questions, if for nothing else, it would ease their curiosity, which meant they’d move on to some other subject sooner.

I actually thought my plan was working perfectly, since by the end of lunch they’d switched topics to some other piece of school gossip, letting me eat my lunch in peace. I was foolishly patting myself on the back for a plan well done and making it through the ordeal as lunch ended, which was exactly the moment Aaron chose to take his shot.

I knew something was up when everyone else at the table stopped talking almost instantly. I knew who it was before ever turning around, and almost chose to just ignore him, but that wouldn’t make him go away. He wanted his moment, and he’d come back every day until he got the reaction he wanted from me.

Turning around I saw him standing next to Rhonda, his arm over her shoulder. She looked immensely pleased with herself, although I couldn’t help but notice that she refused to make eye contact with me. Perhaps she felt the tiniest amount bad about what she’d done, but that didn’t stop her from taking her moment too. She was being paraded around by Aaron and loving every minute of the attention.

“How’s it going, loser? Ready to run off again?”

I could feel Hanna tense up beside me and I put my hand on her knee, to keep her from jumping in and getting involved.

“Nope, just eating lunch. I know that’s confusing, what with the food in front of me here in the cafeteria and all.”

“I guess you didn’t know how to eat everything good enough, or maybe you could have held onto this one,” he said, switching tactics, trying to get a rise out of me.

Rhonda hadn’t expected that, and I saw her go stiff. I don’t know what she thought was going to happen. This was exactly who Aaron had always been. I might not wish her active harm, but I wasn’t about to feel bad about her poor choices.

“I guess not. Congratulations. We’ll get you a trophy.”

“She tells me this loser didn’t even try and make a move,” he said to everyone else, decided if he couldn’t get at me directly, he could at least trash me to everyone else. “Maybe he doesn’t know what to do with it. Little kids like him don’t know how to handle a woman. If you managed to trick another one into going out with you, let me know. I’ll explain where everything fits for you.”

“Thanks,” I said, turning back around to eat my food. “I’ll make sure to give you a call.”

“You don’t know what you were missing, she’s a real screamer.”

“I’m sorry Rhonda,” I said, turning back around. “While you’re not my favorite person right now, I don’t want to see you hurt. This is going to end badly for you, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.”

“You’re just jealous because Aaron’s a real man.”

“Idiot,” Jordan said to her sister.

“Shut up,” Rhonda replied.

“I hope that’s all it is, I really do, but I think somewhere inside you don’t believe that either. You’re nothing to him. He’s just using you and as soon as he’s done, he’s going to drop you like a rock. You should run now, but I know you won’t.”

“Ohh, I’m using her alright,” Aaron said, grabbing her ass with the hand that had been over her shoulder, before draping it over her shoulder again. “And I’ll keep on using her while you’re at home crying. Let’s go, babe.”

“How can she not see it?” Hanna said as they walked away.

“Because she thinks she’s gotten everything she’s wanted,” Jordan said. “I told her she’s just being used, but she’s not going to listen to anyone.”

“Aaron Campbell’s everything she wanted?” Laura asked, stunned.

“It’s what he is, not who he is. She wants to be the most popular girl in school, and she wants it now. She thinks that since Aaron is a hotshot quarterback and a senior, being on his arm gets her there.”

“She’s an idiot,” Hanna said.

“No, she’s just desperate. You should see her friends, they’re all vipers constantly trying to one-up each other. To hear them talk, it’s been like that since they were in elementary school. This is all she knows.”

“She’s about to get a really cruel lesson,” Hanna said.

“Yeah, I know, and I feel sorry for her.”

“You feel sorry for her?” Megan said. “She dumped you in a party in front of thirty other people. How could you feel sorry for her?”

“Because I actually liked her, which means I don’t want to see her get hurt. I might be pissed at her and I definitely would never hurt her, but it doesn’t mean what I felt about her before just vanishes.”