Chapter 26

I wasn’t surprised to find Mom sitting at the kitchen table when Keenan and Willie dropped me off. It was pretty late and she’d been off work for a while, so I knew she’d be home and, despite giving me permission to go, she hadn’t been wildly enthusiastic about the whole thing.

“Hey,” I said, closing the door behind me.

I was nearly positive she wanted to talk so I set my guitar down and took the seat next to her at the small kitchen table.

“How was it?”

“It was amazing. The place was two levels, and there were way more people there than we’ve ever had at the Blue Ridge. At the end of the night, Willie introduced me and had me play one of the covers I’ve been doing at the Blue Ridge. I was so nervous, but once we got started it was a rush. I’m not sure I’m even going to be able to go to sleep tonight.”

“I’m glad you had a good time, although yes, you are going to bed tonight.”

Mom looked less than thrilled at my excitement, and I almost decided to head to bed right then. The time I spent riding home, thinking about how Willie had talked about the music business and how he approached it, had cemented for me that this was what I wanted to do for a living. Whenever I thought about the future, this was the only thing I could see myself doing.

Before I could do anything, though, I knew I’d need to talk to Mom. I also decided on the ride home that conversation had to happen sooner rather than later. Up till now, I’d been painting it as my hobby, just something to do for fun, and as a way to make some money to help us out. I’d tried to downplay it at every turn. The thing was, I couldn’t waste these next few years. With Willie offering to take me to other clubs and my own set at the Blue Ridge, I had opportunities right now that people three times my age with decades in the business didn’t have. I’d be a fool to not take as full advantage as possible of this.

Of course, Mom’s clear unhappiness with it made me almost chicken out. Dad had done a number on her, and the last thing I wanted to do was to upset her.

“Mom,” I said after a second, not making eye contact, just in case I lost my nerve. “There’s something I want to say. Please hear me out. I know you’re going to want to interrupt, but please let me finish.”

“Charlie, I don’t...” she started, obviously seeing where this was going.

“Please, let me just say this, and then you can tell me how bad of an idea it is.”

I made eye contact, steeling myself. She didn’t look happy, her mouth pulling into a thin frown and her brows crinkling. Thankfully she just nodded for me to continue.

“I know how you feel about music and I know how you feel about it as a career. I totally get it. Seeing how Dad ended up, I can’t say you’re wrong to feel that way. The thing is, I love it. When I’m up on that stage I feel ... invincible. Everything disappears and it’s me and the music. This is what I want to do for a living.”

Mom opened her mouth to say something, but stopped when I put my hand on top of hers.

“Please, let me finish,” I said, taking a deep breath. “Like I said, I understand your concerns. Odds are no matter what I do, I won’t make it. I get that. I know that most musicians don’t. I met guys playing for the house band at this bar tonight. They reminded me a lot of Dad. They weren’t starving, but they weren’t living much beyond that. I’m pretty sure once they get too old to play, they’re going to be in real trouble. My first thought after meeting them was ‘hey, it was probably how Dad would have ended up after a few more years on the road.’ I’m not saying I want to burn everything down behind me and make this an all-or-nothing kind of thing. I promised I was going to finish high school and go to college, and I meant it. I’m going to get a degree in something I can actually use. I’m going to have a backup plan so if things work out for me like they did for Dad, I’ll bail on music and do something productive. Right now though, I’ve got a real shot. I’ve got people with actual connections behind me and my own, regular set on a real stage. Okay, a small one in a bar, but it’s not nothing. I’m still way ahead of where Dad was at my age. I’m not going to let this get in the way of school, but I want to give this a shot.”

“I knew this was coming,” she said after a moment, looking down at my hand still resting on top of hers. “I watched you getting sucked into it just like your dad did. You know, your dad had very similar feelings about being on stage. He compared it to the best high he’d ever had.”

I was a little surprised by that. I knew Dad was a drunk, but Mom hadn’t ever said anything about drugs before.

“Don’t look shocked. Once you’re around the scene more you’ll start to notice how much drugs are a part of the whole music scene. I didn’t approve of it, but it’s there. That’s one of my concerns, honestly.”

“I saw what being a drunk got Dad. I can tell you right now I have no intention of touching anything.”

“While I’m glad to hear you say that, I think that might be harder than you think, Kiddo. You don’t know the kind of pressure that scene puts on you, but it’s more than booze or drugs. There’s so much to this lifestyle you can’t see yet. Even though you’re out there playing, you’re doing it with a safety net. These people think the world of you, and I guarantee you they’re shielding you from the darker sides of life. Plus, most people holding are going to think twice about handing anything to a high school kid. No matter what you think you’re ready for, I promise you, you haven’t factored everything in.”

“Isn’t that one of the upsides though? I get to start out without any of that peer pressure and people looking out for me. By the time I’m out on my own, I’ll have been playing on my own long enough it’ll be easier to avoid the peer pressure.”

“I don’t know. I’ve seen adults get sucked into it just as much as kids.”

“That could happen even without being in music. How many kids become alcoholics or addicts in college? Maybe it isn’t to the level of the music industry, but it’s not like it doesn’t happen. Trying to put me in a bubble now doesn’t mean it won’t be out there later. This’ll be a challenge no matter where I go. I know you want to protect me and I know I’m still a kid, but I won’t be one forever. You’re going to have to let me take chances eventually.”

Her mouth pulled tight again, but she didn’t reply, so I tried a different tack.

“There’s also the idea that I get to start playing with some kind of a safety net. I have people who I trust helping guide me and a regular gig that I can work around my school schedule. Will there ever be any point in my life with a safer start than this? If something manages to happen, great. I have time to figure out how to make it, and college, work together. Then we’ll see if it’s going to work out before I need to decide between this and whatever I get my degree in. If I wait till after college I have to put this big gap between school and looking for my first real job, making it harder to get a career started. This seems like a best-case scenario.”

“Maybe.”

“Mom, I know you see this as a hobby or me trying to be Dad, but it’s not that. You know I’m not egotistical, but I’m really good at this. Do you think they’d rearrange the weekend schedule, one that made them money, around me if it wasn’t worth it? Do you think Willie’s taking me on these tours just because he’s being nice? I’m good. If I keep it up, I think I could be more than that. I believe I can do this. It might be me just being naive, and I know it’ll take as much luck as anything else, but I have a shot.”

We sat silently, just looking at each other for a while. Occasionally, her jaw would move or she’d blink, but other than that, Mom just sat looking at me. I was starting to think I’d crossed the line when she finally said something.

“I’m not trying to be mean or unfair to you Charlie. I have real reservations about this. Look at this from my side. Every time we’ve talked, you’ve pushed for a little more freedom to go down this path. I’m terrified of where you might end up. I want you to be happy and achieve your dreams, but I also want you to have the best chance in life. I wouldn’t worry so much if I didn’t care.”

“I know, I really do. I can appreciate all of your concerns, and I have them too. I know what you want from me, and I promise I won’t let you down. I just want a chance to try this, too.”

She was quiet for several more minutes before saying, “I need to meet this Willie of yours. If he’s going to be some kind of mentor for you, I want to have a face-to-face conversation with him. Chef Tang as well.”

“I can arrange that, or at least give them a heads up you’re coming so they don’t think I sicked my mother on them.”

“I’ll trade some shifts and come down to see your next gig.”

“It’ll be in Asheville with Willie again.”

Mom thought for a moment, probably trying to work out how to make that happen. Getting off a little early and getting to the Blue Ridge was one thing, but seeing a gig in Asheville would be harder to swing.

“The Blue Ridge will be closing up by the time we get back in town. How about I ask Willie to take me back there and you can talk to them then. That way you don’t have to take off work and they’re both basically done for the night.”

“Fine, that works. Talk to them and make sure that works for them.”

“Thanks, Mom,” I said, hopping up out of my chair and hugging her tight. “I know you hate this. Thank you for going along with it anyway.”

“I do hate it, but I love you. Just don’t disappoint me.”

“I won’t,” I said as I let go and started to head to my room.

“Oh, and, Charlie,” she called after me.

I stopped in my tracks. This was her move, to make me feel like I was free and clear, just to throw out one last thing.

“I also want to meet this girl you’ve been spending so much time with. Please ask Rhonda if she wants to have dinner with us on Thursday night.”

“I’m not sure she...”

“If she’s busy, that’s fine. Just find out what day’s best for her and I’ll work it out.”

The thought of Rhonda coming to our house for dinner worried me. It wasn’t that I thought Mom would have an issue with Rhonda. I was more concerned with Rhonda somehow having an issue with our life. While I didn’t like how much we struggled to stay above water I wasn’t ashamed of our life. Mom worked hard for what we had, and we never wanted for the essentials.

My concern was more with Rhonda herself. While she knew that I was poor, that had always been an indirect knowledge. Coming to our small trailer would make it real for her. I knew Rhonda liked me, but there was still that shallow side of her. She’d been pretty good at repressing it recently, but it was still there, occasionally rearing its ugly head.

Not that I had a choice in the matter. Mom had made her command, and I had to live with it. Besides, Rhonda had to decide if she liked me enough to stay with me regardless of how poor my family was. Maybe it was better to find out which she’d choose now instead of later, assuming things got more serious between us.

“Sure, I’ll talk to her and let you know,” I said, and went to bed.

Monday I took Rhonda out to the bleachers for lunch instead of going to sit with her friends like we’d originally planned. I could tell Rhonda wasn’t thrilled with that. She’d been making offhand comments about Camilla’s reaction when I told them about playing in Asheville that weekend. While I still told her all about it, I promised we’d sit with her friends the next day and I’d repeat every story the next day like it was brand new. That seemed to mollify her.