Chapter 4: And Pretty Maids All in a Row

Mummy and Daddy had a very serious talk about what they would let me do. Mum had originally said I could do one project a year, a movie or an advertisement. Now I had been in a movie and several advertisements for pay and three free PSA’s.

They decided that as long as I didn’t show signs of negative changes, kept up with my schooling I would be allowed to do outside things. I don’t know what negative changes are, I suppose if I started smoking cigarettes or drinking Daddy’s nasty beer they would think that was negative.

Daddy doesn’t drink very much beer anymore and I know why. I snuck some from his glass and it was terrible. Nobody I knew smoked so I don’t know where I could get cigarettes. I had been places where people smoked and it made them smell awful.

I think I will skip smoking. Billy would really tease me for smelling bad. But of course, he did that now, so maybe it wouldn’t matter.

I couldn’t think of what else negative behavior would be. Maybe it has something to do with the film. I know Denny got in trouble because he was kissing a girl in his darkroom. Kissing is okay when you are big so it must be something else. Well, I will stay out of the darkroom so I can be in the movies and make ads and PSA’s.

The television people had got more money to make new PSA’s because they were being received so well. Also, other groups wanted me to do one for them. I didn’t even know whales needed saving. I could hold a puppy but I think whales are too big.

When the TV people called and asked if I could do more PSA’s, Daddy told them that it wouldn’t reduce my taxes any further. They told Daddy that we were mercenaries. I liked that, I was the same as Daddy. I still wonder about what mercenaries are I have to ask him someday.

The clothing people called Daddy and told him the sales were going through the roof. I knew that meant they were going well. They wanted to know if I would do a series of commercials for my clothing line. Daddy asked me if I wanted to.

I started to say does the bear...

He stopped me and told me I had better not finish that or I would get a spanking.

I didn’t finish it but what is wrong with, does the bear growl real loud.

He told them I could do more advertisements but that they had to be filmed in California. They told him their ad agency only worked in New York so they didn’t know of a studio they could use. Daddy told them he would call Warner Brothers to see if they would be interested. He would get right back to them.

After that Daddy did call Mr. Monroe and found out the studio would be delighted to rent their services. That was good because their makeup people were the best.

While Daddy was on the phone Mrs. Hernandez came looking for me. Liz had jumped up on the kitchen table and stolen a chicken that was for dinner. She was not happy, I had to get that mutt under control or get rid of her.

That scared me. I found Liz and told her she was in trouble. She knew she had been bad as she was hiding under the covers in my bed. When I told her to get down she did, but when she jumped off the bed she squatted and peed all over the carpet.

I yelled at her and she cried and whined. That got me upset and I hugged her. I wouldn’t let them take Liz, we would run away together. Maybe we could go back to Ohio. I didn’t have enough money to buy an airplane ticket so I would have to hitchhike the same as Rick did.

I had to clean up the dog pee or I would really get in trouble. I knew that they kept the cleaning stuff in a hall closet so I went there. I knew what some of the stuff was but couldn’t read all of their names. One of them I knew was Clorox. So I used that on the carpet. The pee stain came out along with the color in the carpeting.

Now I would really catch heck so I moved a chair over the spot. I hoped no one would ask why I had a chair next to my bed. Then I took Liz outside for a walk so she could do her serious business.

I had her on a leash because she always wanted to run to the horses. Ben told me if she bothered them too much they would kick her and kill her so I was very careful.

If we moved slowly Misty would exchange nose smells with Liz. It is nice that my puppy and pony like each other. I wonder why Liz and Mittens don’t get along. Mittens would always run away from Liz. All Liz wanted to do was play.

One day Mittens got caught in a corner and Liz was going to play and Mittens slapped Liz then jumped over her back and ran away. We didn’t see her in the house for two days. She has some good hiding spots, I found her best one. It was in Mrs. Hernandez’s room. Mrs. Hernandez must like cats and not dogs that is why she called Liz a mutt. She told Mum that Liz should be kept in a cage. I’m not sure I like Mrs. Hernandez anymore.

Mummy had a dog run made outside for Liz, she was to stay there while I was gone. I could have her with me when I got home each time. I was responsible for her actions. If she ate another chicken I had to pay for it.

I asked Mum if it would be cheaper to keep live chickens for dinner. She told me that I could but I had to feed them and chop their heads off. Eddie thought that was neat but I didn’t want to do that. I would also have to pull off all the feathers and clean the insides. Yuck!

Mum suggested I send Liz to obedience school. There she would learn to be a good puppy. Eddie wanted to send me to one of those schools so I would learn to be a good girl. I stuck my tongue out at him and crossed my eyes. Mum told me not to do that as my eyes might get stuck that way.

So I ended up going with Liz to obedience school every day after my kindergarten. Jim and Sally would take me home we would let Liz out of her run. She would run wild for a few minutes then we got back in the limo and went to school. Liz did very well in school and learned to sit, stay, and walk with me quietly, laydown and rollover.

At the end of the course, she got a certificate for graduation. Eddie wanted to know if I flunked out. I got him though. I made a really sad face and started the tears running. He told me he was sorry and didn’t make me cry because I failed. I laughed in his face and told him I didn’t fail. They had also given me a certificate as a qualified dog handler for one German Shepard named Liz. So there!