Chapter 66

The bailiff announced, “All rise for the honorable Judge Jack.”

Everyone in the court room rose to their feet. Judge Jack walked into the court room and paused to look around. He so enjoyed that moment of attention. It made those many minutes spent getting an on-line law degree worthwhile. He frowned when he spotted the top of someone’s head poking up above the defendant’s table. He muttered, “Do not let him get to you.”

“Hello, Judge Jack,” Chom shouted.

“Hi, Judge Jack,” Pip shouted.

The judge made his way over to his chair and sat down. He was reaching for his gavel when the bailiff shouted, “You may take a seat. This court is now in session.”

Turning to the bailiff, Judge Jack said, “You are just supposed to tell them to take a seat. The whole bit about the court being is session is my line. I start the session and I end the session. I control everything in between. Got it?”

“Sorry. I forgot,” the bailiff said.

Turning to the court room, Judge Jack said, “First, I would like to thank the cleaning crew for the wonderful job they did in removing all of that mud. It only took them a week. Now that we’ve got the mud cleared out, we can proceed. The first case is an indecent exposure on school grounds charge against Mrs. Michaels. Is the prosecution ready to proceed?”

“Yes, Your Honor,” the prosecutor said.

Judge Jack said, “So noted. Is the defense ready to proceed?”

“Do I have a choice?” Liam asked.

“Not really” Judge Jack answered.

“I guess I’m ready,” Liam said.

Judge Jack said, “The prosecution may make its opening statement.”

“Thank you, Your Honor,” the prosecutor said. “On the morning of...”

“Boo! Hiss!” Chom shouted.

Pip shouted, “Throw the bum out.”

“Quiet in the court room!” Judge Jack said while banging his gavel. “I will not tolerate any outbursts.”

“That wasn’t an outburst, that was a heckle,” Chom said.

“No heckling,” Judge Jack said.

Pip said, “Whoever heard of a trial without heckling?”

“Not me,” Chom said.

“This is highly irregular,” Liam said.

“No heckling,” Judge Jack said again.

“I object,” Liam said.

“On what grounds?” Judge Jack asked.

Liam asked, “How are we supposed to know who is winning the case without feedback from the audience?”

“You don’t,” Judge Jack. “Objection overruled.”

“I get it now,” Liam said. “You want the poor wretched widow to lose.”

“No I don’t,” Judge Jack said.

“Then let her go,” Liam said.

“No. We must have a trial to establish her guilt or innocence,” Judge Jack said.

“Good try, Liam,” Chom shouted.

Judge Jack said, “No heckling.”

“That wasn’t a heckle, that was an encouragement,” Chom said.

“No outbursts. No heckling. No encouraging,” Judge Jack said.

“Why have an audience if we can’t participate?” Pip asked.

“You are here to see that justice is done and not to be entertained,” Judge Jack said.

“That sounds pretty foolish to me,” Chom said. “Nothing is more entertaining than watching justice. I can’t wait for the angry mob to show up.”

“There will be no angry mob,” Judge Jack said.

“No angry mob?” Pip asked. “Why not?”

“We don’t do that,” Judge Jack said.

“I object,” Liam said.

“On what grounds,” Judge Jack asked.

“Where’s the drama?” Liam said.

“There is to be no drama,” Judge Jack said. “Objection overruled.”

Liam sat down next to Sean’s mother. He leaned over and said, “Don’t worry. We’ll make sure there’s an angry mob.”

“I’m not sure I want an angry mob,” Sean’s mother said.

“Sure you do. It’s all part of my strategy,” Liam said.

Judge Jack turned to the prosecutor and said, “You may continue.”

“We will show that on the said morning the defendant indecently exposed herself on school grounds. This is a simple open and shut case in which there are many witnesses to the events of that morning,” the prosecutor said.

“You’re going to show her indecently exposing herself?” Chom asked.

Pip said, “I’d like to see that.”

“Me, too,” Chom said.

“I don’t,” Sean said.

“I’m going to prove that the defendant indecently exposed her breasts on school grounds,” the prosecutor answered.

“There will be no questioning from the audience,” Judge Jack said.

“What are we allowed to do?” Chom asked.

“Nothing,” Judge Jack said. He looked around the room. Pointing over at a garden gnome, he said, “Act like that garden gnome over there.”

“I want to see her breasts,” the garden gnome said.

“Be quiet,” Judge Jack said. “Are you done with your opening remarks?”

“Well, I had a long speech, but I kind of lost my place. I’ll just summarize – she’s guilty of indecent exposure on school grounds,” the prosecutor said.

“Counsel for the defense may make his opening remarks,” Judge Jack said.

“This ought to be good,” Chom said.

“What did I say about no encouraging?” Judge Jack asked.

“That wasn’t encouragement, that was a commentary,” Pip said.

“You can add that to the list of things you aren’t allowed to do. No commentaries,” Judge Jack said. He was half tempted to go back to that website where he had gotten his law degree and demand his money back. Life was a whole lot easier back when he was just the dog catcher.