Chapter 62

Sean’s mother, upon charging into Suzie’s house, took nearly a minute to catch her breath. While waiting, she decided that the den was the safest place to hide until someone was able to bring over some clothes. She did not think it appropriate to be parading around in someone else’s home wearing a half bra, sheer panties, garter belt, and stockings. Her high heels had been left behind when fleeing the Dwarves. Her hair, standing out in every direction, gave her the appearance of having stuck a finger in a light socket.

She was quite surprised to discover that the den was not unoccupied. Suzie’s father, dressed in his boxer shorts and t-shirt, was getting down his shotgun to clean it. He was unaware that Sean’s mother had burst into the room behind him. Not expecting to see him there, Sean’s mother gave a little scream.

The shock of a nearly naked woman screaming at him had caused him to drop the shotgun. Unfortunately for everyone involved, the gun was loaded. Fortunately, it was only loaded with birdshot. The gun went off and sent one (count it - one) pellet bouncing off ceiling and embedding itself into his right foot’s big toe.

At that point in time, Suzie’s mother rushed into the room. She was wearing a half bra, sheer panties, garter belt, stockings, and one high heel. A small branch that had become entangled in her hair hung down ruining what could have been considered a rather sexy look.

Despite having had a gun go off inside the house, things were going well so far. Suzie’s father was sitting there staring at two women dressed in scanty lingerie thinking the kinds of thoughts that come most naturally to all men in similar circumstances. The effect was somewhat ruined by the fact that Sean’s mother was rubbing her ears trying to regain her hearing after being deafened by the shotgun blast.

The wound, with an effort worthy of Hercules, managed to produce a very small drop of blood. Seeing the drop of blood, Suzie’s father let loose with a scream that was almost deafening. According to the noise he made, one would have thought that the whole foot had been blown off.

When the scream ended, he shouted, “I’ve been shot!”

Suzie’s mother ran to the backdoor. After throwing the door wide open, she shouted, “Suzie! Your father has shot himself!”

With that little announcement, Sean’s quiet afternoon of groveling for Suzie’s forgiveness had suddenly come to an abrupt end. A bare fraction of a second later, several things happened simultaneously.

While images of her father lying in a pool of blood flashed through her mind, Suzie jumped out of her chair and shouted, “Oh, no!”

Pip, getting a good eyeful of the risqué outfit worn by Suzie’s mom, shouted, “She’s almost naked!”

Thinking that he needed to take control of the situation, Sean jumped up and shouted, “We need to get him to the hospital. I’ll drive!”

While leaning over to a get a better view of Suzie’s mom, Chom fell off the roof landing on his head.

At this point, a sequence of events worthy of a Keystone Cops episode ensued.

Surprised at having a Dwarf fall at her feet, Suzie’s mother screamed and slammed the door. Panicked by thoughts of her father dying, Suzie ran towards the door. She tripped over Chom, hit the closed door, staggered back, tripped over Chom, and fell into Sean. The back of her head hit Sean’s nose. Sean fell backwards and landed on Pip. In the process of landing on Pip, Sean received a fist in his ribs.

Sean groaned and then said, “I tink ma doze iz boken.”

“My daddy is dying,” Suzie said struggling to get off the pile of bodies under her. Her elbow landed directly in Sean’s eye.

Sean moaned, “I tink ma eye iz boken.”

It took a while for everyone to get untangled. Sean and Suzie made it into the house after wrestling with the Dwarves to keep them out. Sean took one look at his mother and fell face forward on the floor. His nose was definitely taking a beating.

Suzie’s mother was running around the den shouting, “We’ve got to get him to the hospital before he dies.”

Sean sat up and said, “I know ma doze iz boken.”

Sean’s mother was jumping up and down shouting, “We’ve got to do something.”

With a sore eye, broken nose, and ribs that hurt something horrible, Sean struggled to get to his feet. He had just managed to stand upright when the unthinkable happened. His mother’s bra, a dainty lacy little thing that hadn’t quite covered everything, decided that it was time to end its role in supporting her breasts. The bra went flying across the room. Sean took one look at his mother and fell over backwards. He hit his head on the floor.

Although it seemed like an eternity to those involved, it was only a minute later that the two women were helping the wounded man, Suzie’s father, to the car for a quick trip to the hospital. Neither woman was aware of their state of near nakedness. Suzie’s father wasn’t complaining since he was enjoying attention, as well as the view.

Getting Suzie’s father out to the car was quite an experience. While the two nearly naked women were helping to carry him to the car, a swarm of diminutive magical males were doing their best to attract the attention of the women. Dwarves, elves, leprechauns, and even a garden gnome had appeared from nowhere with all of them wearing green coats. All of them, with the exception of the leprechauns, were trying to catch the two mothers. The leprechauns were actually rolling on the ground, they were laughing so hard.

Suzie was left in the den trying to get Sean off the floor. She grabbed him and shouted, “This is no time to take a nap. You’ve got to drive up to the hospital!”

Rubbing the back of his head, Sean said, “I tink ma ‘ead iz boken.”

“Get up,” Suzie demanded.

“No wanna zee ma mudder,” Sean said.

It was about this time that Suzie noticed that Sean’s nose was bleeding. She ran into the kitchen and grabbed a towel. She ran back into the den and shoved the towel against Sean’s nose. She was a little over enthusiastic in putting towel to nose. Worried, she asked, “Can you drive?”

“Uh,” Sean said cross-eyed. The world had just spun around him after the third blow to his now overly sensitive nose.

Sean made his way to the car with Suzie guiding him. One look at the trio in the rear of the car, Sean wrapped the towel around his eyes so that he wouldn’t be able to look at his mother. Suzie was distracted by her father’s condition and nearly threw Sean into the car. Sean, unable to see where he was going, bumped his head getting into the car.

He said, “I tink ma ‘ead iz boken.”

“My daddy is dying. Drive us to the hospital,” Suzie said unaware that he had taken another blow to his head.