Chapter 52

Taking a break from the difficult job of sacrificing French Fries in boiling oil, Sean was seated at the picnic table at the Dairy King wondering how he was going to get some gold. His money was quickly running out despite having a job. His mother had given him his allowance and that had increased the pile of money in his desk drawer. Still, it wasn’t enough to buy much gold.

“How are you doing?” Chom asked sitting down beside Sean.

“I’m okay. I’m trying to figure out how to buy some gold,” Sean said staring at his compass. It was basically useless in trying to find some gold. After that little problem with finding his mother’s wedding ring, he had tried using it well away from the house. It had led him to his gold-plated truck. There was just too much gold around to find some that he could keep.

Pip said, “You can’t buy gold.”

“Why not?” Sean asked surprised to hear that.

“You do know that you have to use magic to get it, don’t you?” Chom asked looking over at Sean.

“I didn’t know that,” Sean said looking at Chom incredulous that he had left out an important little detail like that.

Nudging Chom, Pip said, “We might not have explained that little rule.”

“I thought we did,” Chom said looking confused.

“I think we might have thought about it,” Pip said.

“I definitely thought about it,” Chom said.

“Are there any other rules that you didn’t tell me?” Sean asked getting worried.

“None that I can think of,” Chom said tugging on his beard.

“That doesn’t mean that there aren’t any other rules,” Pip said helpfully.

“That’s true,” Chom said nodding his head in agreement.

Pip said, “There are probably hundreds of rules that we haven’t told you about.”

“You didn’t tell me any rules,” Sean said trying to remember that day when he had been given the gift of magic.

“Well then, you have your answer,” Chom said.

“What?” Sean asked.

“There are hundreds of rules that we haven’t told you,” Pip answered.

“Well what are they?” Sean asked thinking it was about time that he learned the limits of his magic before he got hurt or something.

“I don’t remember,” Chom said scratching the back of his head.

“What do you mean, you don’t remember?” Sean asked.

Chom shrugged his shoulders and said, “I have problems remembering rules. Sometimes I find it more useful to make them up as I go along.”

Nodding his head in agreement, Pip said, “We will probably remember a rule when you break it and then we’ll tell you that you broke a rule.”

“Right,” Chom said finding that was a perfectly reasonable plan.

Sean said, “That won’t help me if I break a rule that ends up killing me.”

“We’ll tell you those rules,” Pip said.

“When we remember them,” Chom added.

Pip said, “If we remember them.”

“Great,” Sean said feeling depressed.

Chom said, “You are going to need a lot of gold.”

“Why?” Sean asked.

“I don’t remember. I just remember that Merlin had tons and tons of it,” Chom said.

“I don’t remember him having tons of gold. Are you sure it was tons?” Pip asked looking over at Chom.

“Well, it might have been pounds,” Chom said after a minute of thinking about it.

“I don’t remember it was pounds. Are you sure it was pounds?” Pip asked.

“It might have been ounces,” Chom said.

“That sounds a little better,” Pip said.

Chom said, “Now that I think about it, he might not have had much gold at all.”

“I think you’re right,” Pip said.

“So do I need a lot of gold or not?” Sean asked.

“Definitely,” Chom said sounding confident in his answer.

“Definitely what?” Sean asked.

“You need a lot of gold or not,” Pip answered. He leaned over to Chom and asked, “Did we pick a good one?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes I wonder. He doesn’t know the rules and he doesn’t know how much gold he needs,” Chom said.

“Well, you won’t tell me,” Sean said getting frustrated.

Pip said, “He’s always blaming us for his shortcomings.”

“You can say that again,” Chom said looking at Pip expectantly.

Making Chom wait for it, Pip looked around for a few seconds. About the time that Chom was about to repeat himself, he said, “He’s always blaming us for his shortcomings.”

“No I don’t,” Sean said rolling his eyes.

Chom stood up and said, “Now that we’ve answered all of your questions it is time for us to be on our way.”

“You didn’t answer any questions,” Sean said. He still didn’t know how much gold he needed or what were the rules to using magic.

“We’ve got lots of work to do,” Pip said looking serious.

“What work?” Sean asked wondering what the Dwarves were plotting.

“We’ve got to find some metal,” Chom said.-

Sean looked at Chom and asked, “What do you need some metal for?”

“It is a secret,” Pip said evasively. Chom nodded his head in agreement.

“I know where there’s some metal,” Sean said wondering what they were doing that was so secret.

Pip asked, “Where?”

“Where?” Chom asked.

“At the mall. Stomp flattened a couple of police cars,” Sean said.

“You don’t say,” Pip said stroking his beard.

“I just did,” Sean said.

“So you did,” Chom said.

Thinking about his conversation with the Chief of Police, Sean said, “I bet the police would pay you to make new police cars out of that metal.”

“That wouldn’t be good,” Chom said with a frown.

“We won’t get our airplane if we use the metal to make cars,” Pip said covering his mouth as if he had just let some great secret out.

“It is kind of hard to get soda and popcorn without money,” Sean said wondering what Dwarves knew about airplanes.

“That’s true,” Pip said. The plant lady at the convenience store was always chasing them out of the place because they didn’t have any money.

“Can you buy meatloaf?” Chom asked deciding that there might be some merit to earning a bit of money.

Upon hearing that dreaded word, meatloaf, Sean ran off towards the woods with a hand over his mouth. Watching him go, Pip asked, “What’s the matter with him?”

“I don’t know,” Chom said. He listened for a minute and then commented, “The noises he is making aren’t natural.”

“I don’t know what he’s doing, but I can smell it from here,” Pip said wrinkling his nose.

“It sure smells bad,” Chom said edging away.

Pip asked, “Do you think he’s going to figure out how to get some gold?”

“He’s not entirely stupid,” Chom answered trying to spot Sean in the woods.

“Let’s head to the mall and visit Stomp. Maybe we can work out a deal for some metal,” Pip said.

“We better bring a Leprechaun with us,” Chom said.

While the pair of Dwarves walked off, Pip said, “Good idea. I bet we can negotiate for four big bottles of soda each.”

“Maybe we can even get two boxes of popcorn each,” Chom said.

Sean returned to work after recovering from his trip to the woods. Holding a French fry above the fryer he said, “You will tell me all you know or I will drop you in the boiling oil!”

“No!” he cried out in a high pitched voice.

“Who is blackmailing Rita?” Sean asked shaking the fry.

“I will tell you nothing,” he answered in a high pitched voice.

“Talk now or it is the oil for you!”

“No!”

Sean released the French Fry and watched it fall into the fryer while crying out in a high pitched voice, “Nooooo!”

Shaking his head, Mr. Catchums asked, “Are you done torturing French Fries?”

“It depends,” Sean answered looking at his boss.

“It depends on what?” Mr. Catchums asked afraid of the answer.

Sean leaned forward and said, “It depends on if you want to know who is blackmailing Rita Onion Ring or not.”

“Why are the French Fries blackmailing Rita Onion Ring?” Mr. Catchums asked wondering why he was bothering to ask.

“For engaging in natural acts with Ryan Onion Ring,” Sean answered.

“Shouldn’t that be unnatural acts?” Mr. Catchums asked thinking one would only get blackmailed for committing unnatural acts.

“What kind of onion ring do you think Rita is?” Sean asked shocked and dismayed by the suggestion that Rita was anything but a good onion ring.

Deciding that he had enough of this foolishness, Mr. Catchums said, “It is approaching closing time. You need to clean up.”

“Okay,” Sean said looking around his work area. It wasn’t all that messy.