Chapter 1

Turning off the alarm clock, Sean rolled over on his side to hide his morning woody from his sister. She always burst into his room to make sure that he was awake. The tent in his sheet created by his morning woody had the potential of causing great embarrassment. So far, his little sister had never noticed it.

The door swung open and his sister charged into the room. Lily yelled, “Out of bed, lazy head!”

“I’m awake,” Sean moaned while trying to cover his head with his pillow.

“Up up up! Time to get up!”

“I’m awake,” Sean said with a groan.

“If you are so awake, what are you doing still in bed?” she asked. Her cheerful voice drove nails into his brain. He hated morning people with a passion, especially first thing in the morning.

“I’m waiting for you to leave,” Sean answered repeating a conversation that took place every morning.

“Why are you waiting for me to leave?” Lily asked wondering what answer her brother was going to give her that morning.

Wanting to get rid of her, Sean answered, “I’m naked.”

Lily ran from the room shouting, “Mommy, Sean’s a pervert!”

Sean sat up in bed and ran his fingers through his hair. His little sister didn’t even know what a pervert was, but had liked the sound of it when she’d heard it on the television a couple weeks ago. She was ten years younger than him and would be entering second grade when school started in September. He would be starting his senior year, but at the moment he was in the middle of summer vacation. It wasn’t fair that he had to get up before the roosters crowed during summer vacation.

He sighed thinking it was hell being a night person and living in a house full of morning people. At least dealing with her had given him time for his morning woody to abate. He grabbed his old grungy sweat pants and put them on. He opened his drawer looking for a tee-shirt and found it was empty. Stumbling over to his closet, he looked for a shirt to wear. He grabbed the first shirt that came to hand. He didn’t notice that it was a thick cotton plaid shirt that was more appropriate for winter wear.

He stumbled out of his room and headed towards the bathroom. As was the case most mornings, the door was closed. Groaning, he said, “You’d think that she could use it before coming in to wake me.”

He sat down on the floor waiting for her to finish. He yawned and closed his eyes wishing that his family would let him sleep late on occasion. His eyes popped open when Lily shouted, “Wake-ee, Wake-ee!”

“I’m awake,” Sean groaned wishing that just once they’d let him sleep late.

“Your eyes were shut,” she said looking at him as if daring him to argue.

Rather than argue, he rose from the floor and headed into the bathroom. If it wasn’t for the pressure in his bladder, he would have turned around and headed back into his bedroom. He hated mornings. He had just started urinating when his little sister banged on the door and shouted, “Don’t fall asleep in there.”

He shook his head thinking that his one attempt to get a little more sleep earlier that summer had been a major mistake. He had figured that no one would notice if he got a little half hour nap in the bathroom. He had hoped they’d just chalk it up to him taking a dump. Now he couldn’t take his morning piss without having his little sister banging on the door every few minutes.

He shouted, “I’m awake!”

He could hear Lily running down the hall to report his morning progress to their mother. He finished his piss and washed his hands.

With a yawn, he said, “Time to face the rest of the family.” Opening the door in time to face his sister, he said, “I hate mornings.”

“You’re so grumpy in the morning,” Lily said.

Sean followed Lily to the kitchen. His mother looked up when he entered the room and said, “Good morning, Sleepyhead.”

“It is six-thirty. Normal people are still asleep,” Sean said shaking his head.

“Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy wealthy and wise,” she replied.

Sean said, “Ben Franklin was a sick bastard.”

His mother hit him in the back of his head and said, “Don’t talk like that in front of your sister.”

“Let me sleep in the morning and I won’t talk like that in front of anyone,” Sean said rubbing the back of his head.

“Quite complaining,” his mother said, “We’re out of milk. I need you to run to the store.”

“I’m still half asleep,” Sean complained.

His mother looked at him and said, “You’re so grumpy in the morning. It is hard to believe that you’re our child. Look at your sister, she’s cheerful. Your father is cheerful. I’m cheerful. All of us are cheerful except for you, Mr. Grumpy. What’s the matter with you?”

“I hate mornings,” Sean said.

His mother said, “You can’t hate mornings. Mornings have dimples when they smile.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” Sean said.

His mother pointed to the door and said, “Now go get some milk from the store.”

Sean rolled his eyes and held out his hand. He said, “I’ll need some money.”

“It’s on the counter,” his mother said. Remembering that she had sent him to the store in the morning the previous day and that the clerk had enforced the no shirt, no shoes, no service rule, she added, “Wear shoes.”

Sean went over to the counter and picked up the money. Stopping by the back door, he slipped on a pair of shoes. It probably would have been better if he had been wearing socks, but his mind was still in that sluggish first-thing-in-the-morning state. He headed out the back door to take the shortcut through the woods to the convenience store. He paused at the entrance to the path and then said, “It should be safe enough. Dickhead is probably still in bed.”

A hundred yards into the woods, Sean groaned and came to a stop. The bane of his existence was in the middle of the path. Max Baxter, jock and hater of any kind of intelligent person, was standing with his back to him wearing a jogging outfit. He wondered what Max was doing just standing there.

Sean said, “I hate mornings.”

Max turned to face Sean. Frowning, Sean took a good look at what was going on in front of him. It looked like Max was holding a small girl upside down by her legs. At least it looked like a little girl. She had long hair that hung down to the ground and a dress that had fallen to her waist. Max was holding her legs spread and staring lewdly at her. The idea of Max abusing a young girl the age of his sister, caused his blood to boil. Despite knowing that he was going to die, Sean screamed and charged.

Max looked up surprised to see the wimp charging towards him. He tossed his captive aside and smiled at the chance to beat some more sense into the wimp. It wouldn’t take long to take care of Sean and he’d be able to catch her before she got too far away. He stood confidently, ready to catch Sean.

Sean was just a few feet away from Max when he tripped over a root. His wrist and the back of his hand, outstretched to catch his fall, struck Max in the balls. His head hit Max right in the stomach with the full force of his body behind it. He was lucky he didn’t break his neck. The net result of his accident was that Max went down like a rag doll, curled up into a ball, and started vomiting.

Stunned by what he had done, Sean sat up and blinked. The impossible had happened. Max was down on the ground, and in worse shape than he was. He considered getting up and kicking Max a few times, but thought better of it. He knew that the next time Max got his hands on him that the outcome was likely to be vastly different.

The girl he had rescued was standing in front of him. He wiped his eyes and looked at her again. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

Confused, he said, “You have a beard.”

“Yes,” Clea said, “I’m a dwarf.”

“A dwarf?”

“Yes, I’m a dwarf,” Clea said.

Chom came out of the woods and looked at Sean. He said, “He’s a rather unlikely hero.”

“There was no skill in that take down. He’s definitely lucky to beat someone so much bigger than himself,” Pip said while stepping out of the woods.

“Look at his clothes. He’s wearing one black shoe and one brown shoe,” Clea said.

Sean looked at his feet. He’d put on one of his shoes and one of his father’s shoes. He shook his head and said, “This has got to be some kind of bad dream.”

“He’s got horrible taste in clothes. Who wears a plaid winter shirt with sweat pants in the middle of summer?” Chom said.

Sean looked at the three little people standing in front of him. It was obvious that two of them were male and the third was a female based on the size of the tits on her chest. Arguing against that was her beard.

Convinced that he was dreaming, he asked, “When do the naked women show up?”

“He’s horny,” Pip said.

“He’s a male and that’s a given,” Clea said with her hands on her hips. She had expected something a little more than this guy.

“Do you own any silver?” Chom asked.

“Yes,” Sean answered.

“So! He’s the one,” Pip said.

Sean looked over at Max who was starting to get up. He asked, “What about him?”

Clea went over and picked up Max. With an ease that should have been impossible, she tossed him a hundred yards into the woods. Returning to stand in front of Sean, she said, “That guy is a jerk. He could have just asked and I would have showed him. Instead he has to dangle me upside down with my legs spread.”

His early morning mental fog was starting to lift.

Pip felt another wave of weakness wash over himself and said, “I don’t have much time. Can we make the deal now?”

Chom looked at Pip and decided that they didn’t have much time. He asked, “How would you like to have magic powers?”

“That would be nice,” Sean said wondering what kind of dream this was. He looked around and asked, “When do the naked women show up? Come on, I’m going to have to wake up soon.”

Pip said, “Let’s just get it over.”

“It looks like he’s the right one. He’s just about as smart as Merlin. That guy couldn’t think his way beyond having sex,” Chom said shaking his head.

“I hate mornings, even if I’m dreaming this one,” Sean said.

Chom said, “He’s hopeless.”

Clea asked, “What is your name?”

“Sean.”

“Sean, come back here at noon and bring some silver with you. We’ll give you the gift of magic,” Clea said.

Bruised and battered, Max crawled out of the woods. Looking at Sean, he said, “I’m going to kill you.”

Chom shook his head and looked up to the sky. He walked over to Max and tossed him back in the woods. Sean could hear Max scream and then there was the thud as he hit the ground.

Sean said, “That’s got to hurt.”

Returning to where Sean was still sitting on the ground, Chom said, “The youth today are pretty stupid if you want my opinion.”

Feeling left out of all of the fun, Pip said, “It is my turn to toss him when he comes over again.”

Clea ignored the action taking place behind her and said, “Sean, this isn’t a dream. Come back here at noon. Bring some silver with you. We’ll give you the gift of magic.”