Nobody Likes Palarma
Copyright© 2014 by Lazlo Zalezac
Chapter 1: A Pi, A Slate, or A Hammer
March 24, 1995
“Did you know that Sada is an acronym?” General Wynn asked with a wry grin.
“No,” Sada answered with a raised eyebrow knowing that this was going to be good.
“It is.”
“Pray tell ... what does Sada stand for?”
“Stubborn and Damned Annoying.”
“And here I thought you didn’t like me,” Sada said with a smile.
“You’re never going to commit to a Cadre, are you?”
“Nope,” she answered.
“What are we going to do with you?”
“I didn’t know anything needed to be done with me,” she said.
“I’ve got a couple of cadets for you to meet,” he said.
So far, everything had been lighthearted banter, the kind of exchange that took place between two friends with a history of swapping insults. All of a sudden, the expression on his face was very serious. It appeared that he was about to tell her why he had asked her to visit Jade Academy.
“Why?” she asked suspicious about what he wanted from her.
Her suspicions were probably well founded. He had declared her an expert in subterfuge, but he was the grandmaster of it. There was a trick here and it was up to her to find it. Odds were good that he was about to saddle her with a problem.
He rubbed hand through his hair and then rubbed his chin looking thoughtful. Sada was beginning to worry. This was not going to be good.
“They are kind of like you. They’re Sadas.”
“I’m not sure that I follow you.”
“I don’t think they’ll ever declare for a Cadre.”
“That’s not a big deal. Look at me,” she said with a smile.
“Actually, I’m not sure they’ll ever qualify to enter a Cadre.”
She frowned and asked, “What year are they?”
“Eleven and thirteen,” he answered.
“Thirteen?” Her eyebrows shot up to her hairline. She added, “There’s no year thirteen.”
“There is now,” General Wynn said looking across the desk at her.
“Ninety percent of the cadets are qualified to graduate at the end of year eleven. Almost nobody takes a full twelve years,” she said.
“And all but one has finished by the end of year twelve. However, I have a year thirteen who is still a year or two from qualifying for any cadre.”
Pounding her right fist into the palm of her left hand, she asked, “So you want me to rough him or her up a little?”
“No. I want you to meet them.”
“What’s the problem with the year eleven?”
“You’ll see,” he said sliding a piece of paper across his desk to her.
She picked up the piece of paper and looked at it. All it had written on it was a building and room number. She looked up at him.
“Go forth and be Sada,” he said with a grin.
“Stubborn and Damned Annoying.”
“That’s right.”
Cadet Marcin tapped the switch creating an arc between the two electrodes. Across the room, an arc appeared between a pair of electrodes. Tap – spark. Tap – spark. It was a nice little demonstration of an arc radio. She had seen that exact same demonstration in her physics class back when she was a ninth year.
“So?”
“Watch this,” he said going over to distant pair of electrodes.
He moved a couple of heavy cinder blocks in front of the pair of electrodes so that she couldn’t tell what he was doing. He picked up a metal box, opened it, and removed something from it. After closing the box, he fiddled with the set up for a second. He went back over to the device with the switch. He tapped the switch.
There was a sharp explosion behind the block.
Jumping, Sada asked, “What was that?”
“That was a blasting cap,” he said with a smile.
“Okay. So you set off a blasting cap,” Sada said thinking there was some trick here.
“Yes. I can set off any blasting cap that is within range of this device, so long as the cap isn’t shielded,” he said.
“Nifty. What good is that?” she asked.
“I can set off any blasting cap that is within range of this device, so long as it isn’t shielded.”
Sada thought about it for a second. Any blasting cap? That was a pretty strong claim. If it was true, then that could be pretty handy.
“Okay.”
He went back over to the blocks and fiddled around for a second. She followed him over to the blocks. She watched him carefully making sure that he wasn’t pulling a fast one. He placed a blasting cap on a stand. He walked back to the table. She returned to her chair.
He gestured to another device and said, “This one is even better. It uses one watt of power.”
“How much was the other?”
“About ten watts.”
“That’s quite an improvement.”
He pushed a button and there was another explosion. She wasn’t surprised this time.
Sada said, “I’m impressed.”
“This is just a scale model of what I wanted to build. This one has an effective range of about ten meters.”
“That’s not too bad.”
She could see a couple of good applications of that little device. She wondered if it could be made a little smaller and aimed. That would really be neat.
“The one I designed has a longer range. I can boost the power up to around ... oh... 250,000 Watts. The signal would cover ... well ... the entire Surprise Continent. Of course, it would only have a truly effective range of thirty kilometers or so for setting off blasting caps like that.”
Sada sat up. She said, “That could be a problem.”
“My first model, which was only a hundred watts, blew up all of the explosives in the storage facility. Apparently, the blasting caps weren’t adequately shielded over there. General Wynn wasn’t very happy.”
“I can imagine that he wasn’t too happy.”
“I told him it would make a great weapon,” Cadet Marcin said.
“Yes, it could.”
Cadet Marcin said, “It can also ignite other things that use an electrical charge.”
“Like?”
“Oh ... a rocket.”
Sada said, “Interesting. What’s the downside?”
“It causes a lot of sparks to fly. Any little gap in an uncompleted circuit tends to spark.”
“It screws up my computer,” Cadet Veda said with a growl.
“Only if it isn’t shielded properly,” Cadet Marcin said.
“I can’t sit in an electrically grounded cage all day,” Cadet Veda said.
“You don’t have to.”
“Yeah yeah...”
Cadet Marcin said, “She’s still upset because my demonstration screwed up her first attempt to pass the expert examination on the computer.”
Sada said, “Don’t feel bad. Being an expert isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I know. I avoid getting labeled as an expert in anything whenever possible.”
“We know all about you,” Cadet Veda said rolling her eyes.
“Yeah,” Cadet Marcin said.
“What?” Sada asked.
“You just don’t want to play nicely with anyone,” Cadet Veda said.
“I’m qualified for every Cadre. I just can’t make up my mind. You haven’t qualified.”
“Well...”
“It’s just...”
“You’re a thirteen year student. Why haven’t you gotten the basic skills to graduate?” Sada asked.
“I forget,” Cadet Marcin answered somewhat sheepishly.
“No. Don’t play that game with me. You know why. Tell me,” she demanded.
“I know. I forget.”
“You aren’t that stupid,” she said.
“He’s saying that he forgets to go to classes,” Cadet Veda said shooting him a dirty look.
“You’re kidding?”
“No.”
“Don’t they use the switch any more?” Sada asked.
“Yes, they do. I’ve been on the receiving end of the switch so many times that I’ve got callouses on the backs of my calves. I still forget.”
“How can you forget?” Sada asked incredulously.
“It’s easy. I get to thinking about something and I forget everything else. Next thing I know, I missed another class,” Cadet Marcin said.
“I’m the same way. I start programming and time just evaporates.”
Sada asked, “So what have you managed to get adequate ratings in?”
“Hand to hand and shotgun.”
“Same here.”
“Let me guess. You got that before you got interested in electronics or computers.”
“Right.”
“Master ratings?”
“None.”
“None.”
“Expert ratings?”
“Electronics, physics, and math.”
“Computer, math, and intelligence analysis.”
“That’s it?”
“Yep.”
“Yep.”
“Is there anything you’re ready to test for?”
“No.”
“No.”
“What are we going to do with you?” Sada asked while shaking her head.
“I wasn’t aware you needed to do anything with me.”
Sada growled at hearing her own words echoed back at her. She was going to get General Wynn for this. He was going to pay and pay big time.
“You can’t be a cadet forever. You’ve got to qualify for something so that you can graduate,” she said.
“Well, maybe there isn’t a Cadre that’s appropriate for us,” Cadet Veda said.
“You know ... that might be why you’ve never committed to a Cadre. There isn’t one that fits you,” Cadet Marcin said.
Sada said, “You can at least qualify for Hearth. All you’d have to do is to learn about laundry, cleaning up, and cooking a dish or two.”
“Get real ... Me? A Hearth? Hearths worry about people. Not me. I think about my computer and what I can make it do.”
Cadet Marcin said, “Don’t even bother suggesting that I try to be a Sword. That’s not me. I don’t like all of that running around. Even a Shield ... that’s almost as bad as a Sword. I get too lost in my head to get paranoid.”
Cadet Veda said, “I couldn’t be a Cart. I’d be too busy trying to figure out how to reprogram the navigation system to actually go anywhere.”
“What’s left? A Pen. The pen might be mightier than the sword, but a bolt of lightning will fry your ass. I like electronics, not law,” Cadet Marcin said.
Sada understood exactly what they were saying. She never felt like she had fit into any of the Cadres, but she had completed the necessary skills to join any of them. She knew that they were smart enough to gain mastery in a number of different disciplines, but they weren’t dedicated or motivated enough. That was a problem.
“What are your plans if you don’t ever graduate?” she asked.
“I guess I would quit. I’m close to that point now,” Cadet Marcin said in an offhand manner.
That was an option. On his anniversary as a Cadet, he could move his plaque from one side of the alter to the other and leave Jade Academy. The Academy would make arrangements for him to have a period of transition from the Academy life to life outside.
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