Chapter 48

It was Monday morning and Ernie arrived to his first day of work fifteen minutes late. He had shown up without wearing one of the pizzeria tee-shirts that showed he worked at the pizzeria. Dan was not very happy, but then remembered that he had failed to give the young man one when he had hired him. As soon as Ernie stepped in the door, Dan said, “You’re late.”

“So what,” Ernie said with a shrug of his shoulders. He didn’t want to be there and, if asked, he would have been hard pressed to say why he had actually shown up. Actually, it wasn’t that difficult to say. Captain Dawson had promised to make his life miserable if he quit this job.

Dan didn’t know how to reply to that. He stared at Ernie and then shook his head. He went into the back kitchen and grabbed a tee- shirt. Stepping out, he tossed it to Ernie and said, “Put on your tee- shirt.”

“Why should I wear this tee-shirt?” Ernie asked looking at the piece of cloth in his hand.

“So that people know that you work here,” Dan answered.

“Oh,” Ernie said. He started to remove his shirt in the middle of the pizzeria.

Unable to believe what he was seeing, Dan said, “You don’t do that in the middle of the store.”

“Where am I supposed to do it?” Ernie asked with a smirk. He figured that if he got fired then he could tell that meddling cop that things hadn’t work out on this job.

“In the bathroom or the back kitchen,” Dan answered shaking his head. He was more than half tempted to call up Captain Dawson and have a nice long talk with the man.

“Okay,” Ernie said. He shuffled to the back kitchen.

Dan watched him make his way to the kitchen. He’d seen snails go at a faster pace. Shaking his head, he muttered, “This guy is a real winner.”

After five minutes, Ernie came out of the back kitchen with the tee-shirt on backwards. Dan looked over at him and shook his head. Either the kid was a complete loser, trying to be funny, or just trying to irritate him. Dan figured that wearing the tee-shirt backwards had to be uncomfortable. He decided that after enough time had passed that Ernie would get tired of it and put it on correctly. Ernie grinned at him and asked, “How’s that?”

“Do you know how to use a mop?” Dan asked ignoring the question.

“I’m not sure,” Ernie answered trying to sound as dumb as possible.

Dan shook his head and said, “Give it a try.”

Kevin came in and watched Ernie mopping the floor. The guy was dipping the mop in the water pail and then slapping it against the floor without wringing out the excess water from the mop. Frowning, he walked over to Dan and asked, “What does he think he’s doing?”

“He thinks he’s mopping the floor,” Dan answered as he watched Ernie dunk the mop into the bucket of water and then splash it onto the floor. He said, “He wants me to fire him, but I’m going to give him a real chance to straighten up first.”

“He’s a jerk,” Kevin said crossing his arms. It hurt to think that there were men and women risking their lives so that idiots like that could screw around. He’d love to see how long the guy would last in basic training.

“Hey, boss. We’re getting a little low on water in this here bucket,” Ernie called over to Dan. He was actually enjoying seeing how much of a mess he could make.

Having seen enough, Kevin walked over to Ernie and looked at the mess at his feet. Shaking his head, he said, “Straighten up kid and do the job right.”

“Who are you to tell me what to do?” Ernie asked belligerently.

Kevin leaned over so that his mouth was next to Ernie’s ear and said, “Would you like me to show you how you can mop a floor without using your hands?”

Curious, Ernie asked, “How’s that work?”

“It’s really simple. I’ll shove the handle of that mop up your ass so that you clean up the floor with every step you take,” Kevin said making sure that no one else could hear what he was saying to the young man.

“You wouldn’t dare,” Ernie said looking over at Kevin.

“Try me,” Kevin said in a low growl. Dan had given him a real break and it really angered him to watch this jerk take advantage of Dan. It just wasn’t right.

Seeing that the two men were glaring at each other, Dan stepped over and asked, “What’s going on here?”

Smiling over at Dan, Kevin answered, “I’m explaining to this young man how to mop a floor.”

“He was threatening me,” Ernie said pointing a finger at Kevin.

“Don’t threaten him,” Dan said looking at Kevin.

“Someone needs to teach him a lesson or two,” Kevin said looking over at Dan.

There were times when Dan was just too nice a guy. He had experience with people who were just too lazy or too stupid to care. He figured that Ernie was a lot of both. Someone needed to take him out into the alley and beat some sense into him.

“You might be right,” Dan said with a nod of his head.

Ernie looked at Dan and asked, “What does that mean?”

Dan smiled and said, “It means that someone needs to teach you a thing or two about life.”

Ernie didn’t like the smile on Dan’s face. He asked, “Who in the fuck do you think can teach me anything I don’t want to learn?”

“Don’t swear,” Dan said deciding to cut Ernie’s hours back to four a day until he had managed to instill some good work habits in the young man.

Granny Parker didn’t like Ernie and she let him know it, in no uncertain terms. After three days of putting up with the young man, she stomped over to Dan and said, “Either he goes or I go. I’m not going to watch that kid destroy this place.”

“He’s going,” Dan said with a frown.

“When?” Granny Parker asked. This wasn’t the first time that he’d given her that answer, but the kid was still there.

“I’m making arrangements for him to leave. Hopefully, he’ll be gone tomorrow,” Dan said. He frowned as he heard the sound of a tray of root beer mugs hitting the floor. Without looking, he said, “Ernie, sweep up the broken glass.”

“That boy is a menace to society,” Granny Parker said shaking her head. She figured that he had dropped the tray of mugs on purpose. No one could be that bad without working at it.

“Captain Dawson believes that all Ernie needs is a chance and he’ll straighten up,” Dan said.

“You’re doing this for a friend?” Granny Parker asked. She shot a glare over in the direction of Ernie thinking that Dan should make a call to his friend and explain that this was one favor that he couldn’t handle.

“That’s right,” Dan answered.

Putting a hand on Dan’s arm, Granny Parker said, “You’re a good boy, but you can’t let people take advantage of you.”

“Oh, he’s not taking advantage of me. Ernie is a special case,” Dan said suspecting that he understood what Ernie’s real problem was. It wouldn’t be worth talking to the young man about it until he was ready to listen. The problem was waiting long enough for the young man to be ready to listen.

“Special case? If you ask me, he’s a nut case. Call your friend and tell him you’re firing that idiot,” Granny Parker said with a snort.

“Hey, old hag. Are you complaining to the boss man about me?” Ernie asked as he walked past. He smirked at her thinking that would get him fired.

“Asshole,” Granny Parker muttered under her breath.

“Ernie, don’t call Granny Parker that,” Dan said in a stern voice. He noticed that a couple of the kids were glaring at Ernie. They didn’t appreciate him treating her like that. If Ernie didn’t straighten up he was liable to find that the kids occasionally practiced vigilante justice.

“So fire me,” Ernie said. He couldn’t believe that he hadn’t been fired yet. He was beginning to run out of things that he could do to get fired.

“I’m not going to fire you. Your shift is over, so get home. I’ll see you tomorrow at one,” Dan said pointing to the door.

“No, I’m supposed to be here another half an hour,” Ernie replied with a smile. He believed that Dan was afraid of firing a black and getting labeled as a racist. He was convinced that one day soon Dan would let him sit in a corner all day and pay him to do nothing.

“Go now,” Dan said pointing to the door. Ernie shuffled towards the door at a slow pace intended to eat up as much time as possible. Dan watched him while shaking his head in disgust.

“He doesn’t want to work for you,” Granny Parker said. She wasn’t telling him anything that he didn’t know already.

“I apologize for his behavior, Granny Parker. You shouldn’t have to put up with it and I’ve been unable to stop him. After tomorrow, he’ll either straighten up or he’ll be gone,” Dan said.

Granny Parker looked at Dan and asked, “Why are you putting up with that jerk?”

“I look at him and think — that could have been me,” Dan answered. Shaking his head, he said, “I was fortunate that I had a friend in school and that he was a good guy. Odds are pretty good that without Tom, I would have dropped out and become a nothing.”

“You’re a good kid. You would have done all right,” Granny Parker said in a less harsh voice. She had seen how her granddaughter had talked to Dan and knew from experience as a kindergarten teacher that kids could be very cruel. Diana had told her all about how Dan had put up with Kim’s abuse for twelve years. She was amazed that he didn’t hate Kim.

“I’m not so sure about that,” Dan said in a sad voice. He looked over at where Ernie had dropped the tray and spotted some glass on the floor. He said, “I better get over there and clean up the broken glass before someone cuts themselves on it.”

“I’ll talk to the kids,” Granny Parker said.

“Thanks. Let them know that some people have problems and deal with it by being abusive. Tell them we’re trying to help Ernie work through his problems,” Dan said.

“Is that what you’re trying to do?” Granny Parker asked.

“I guess that is as accurate of a description as any,” Dan said with a sigh.

“My nephew will pick him up.”

Talking into the telephone, Dan said, “He’s not going to be too happy about going there. I’m afraid that he’ll be rather nasty to your nephew. I’d rather send him there by bus.”

“Don’t worry about that. My nephew is a big boy.”

“Thanks,” Dan said just before hanging up the phone. With that little phone call, he hoped that one minor problem in his life was about to be corrected. It was time to play hardball with Ernie. He walked over to the table where Ernie was seated and said, “Your ride will be here in half an hour. He’ll take you by your house so that you can pick up some clothes. You’ll be gone for a week.”

Ernie stared at Dan and asked, “What do you mean I’ll be gone for a week?”

“You need some special training. I’m sending you off to cooking school,” Dan said with a smile.

“I’m not going,” Ernie said. He figured that Dan had signed him up for some kind of prison visit program. He didn’t have the right to do something like that.

Not surprised by Ernie’s rejection, Dan shook his head. He and Captain Dawson had a long talk about what to do if Ernie didn’t want to go. Offering the carrot, he said, “This is a business trip and you’ll get paid for it.”

“I don’t want to go,” Ernie said.

“It’s your choice. You can quit or you can go. Captain Dawson said that he was ready to throw the book at you the next time you showed up in his office. If you don’t go on this trip, I’ll just tell Captain Dawson that you quit,” Dan said offering the stick. They couldn’t force Ernie to go, but they could make the alternative sound really horrible.

Ernie slumped down knowing that Dan had him over a barrel. Captain Dawson had threatened him with county lock-up for a week or two if he quit this job. Ernie didn’t know if Captain Dawson could actually do it, but the man typically delivered on his threats.

He asked, “Where am I going?”

Smiling at the surprise that waited for Ernie, Dan answered, “You are going to learn how to cook under one of the best cooks that I know.”

“Shit,” Ernie said realizing that he wasn’t making any progress towards getting fired. He began to wonder what it would take for this guy to give up and send him packing.

Irritated at the continued use of profanity, Dan said, “Don’t use that kind of language, here. This is a place of business and you are an employee here. That means that you represent Parker’s Perfect Pizza. Talking trash like that makes you look bad and it makes my business look bad. I don’t care what people think of you, but I care a lot about what people think about my business.”