Chapter 9

"Let go," she said, and lay a wet piece of cloth on my forehead. I knew her voice. It called to me from the past.

"I can't," I whispered, and a tear rolled down the side of my face. I couldn't let go, even if I wanted to. She had become my life, and now she asks me to let go. How could she ask such a thing of me? After all the things I endured... "Kira ... Not now ... I can try ... This time ... I can do it. It will work."

"We have reached the end," she said softly, and I could see the sadness in her eyes. Sadness, and great, great pain. Perhaps it was my imagination, but I could also make out the ever-present courage there, as she struggled to contain her tears. Her eyes flicked to the left, then right, even now, she was just as beautiful as the first time I had seen her. Her tears vanished. All the while the man, who was asked to let go, the man lying in front of her, was crying.

Did she see my future? Did she see me lose everything I cherished? Did she see me, giving it all up? In the end, did she see my fall?

"We could always -", I tried.

"No," she interrupted, as if even the thought pained her. Or disgusted her. She had no intention of trying again. "We would reach the same point again, like so many times before. And then we'd have to have this conversation again. Like so many times before. And then we'd have to go our separate ways." She wiped my face and leaned closer. "He is coming. I cannot stop him. It is my choice now. Please..." she looked at me, her gaze penetrating. "Please, John, trust me. This is our only chance. Our last chance."

I nodded slowly. She was right, but that didn't make it easier to confront. I took in a deep breath, tried to focus, but then I broke down in sobs. She did, too. But she had the luxury of being able to turn around and walk away. I didn't. This was the last time I heard those sweet lips uttering my name.

"Let go," she repeated, and I felt another tear roll down my temple. Cool fingertips brushed it away, but the sadness remained. How could I have been so cruel without knowing it? How could I have been so selfish? So ... so unbelievably stupid?

"You need to rest," she continued insistently, talking with the urgency of a mother trying to get her child to sleep and dream thrilling dreams; dream of his mother tucking him to bed, lulling him to sleep before anyone could harm him. As if dreams were safe.

She lifted the cloth and I felt like a piece of comfort had been taken away from me. I mumbled something incomprehensible, trying to tell her my need, to return the comforting coolness of the cloth to me, but she didn't respond. Perhaps she didn't hear me. But I could feel her. She was nervous. And she wasn't Thea. She was ... what?

"Let go," she cooed softly, and now her words were imbued with a hint of persuasion. As if she reached out and let me unclench my mental fingers, making me realise only now that they were clenched.

My eyes were pressed shut, and what I could feel about her was seemingly in my mind. Her emotions, like pictures in a picture book were fragments of light. But she had done something ... something that had made me return to darkness again. I could not feel her feelings any more.

"There," she said gently, and I could hear her smile in her words.

I opened my eyes and looked into her face, illuminated by a narrow beam of moonlight shining through the clouds. That was my first impression of her beauty in full, and I wish it would have been the last. Poets must have felt this way, when they found their muse. My muse smiled.

"Hello, John," she whispered softly, and at that moment, I felt like salvation was just in reach.

"It was not supposed to be like this," I murmured. My voice was weaker than the last time I had heard it. It felt like my life was slowly seeping away. "I was supposed to come and see you as you came back to the city."

"I know," she said, and it wasn't a lie. She really knew.

"How?" I asked, and realised that I knew some things about her, too. Like the fact that she was pushing herself to her limits. I remembered dreaming about it. But when?

"I could feel your need all across here and Ferula," she said quietly, and my eyes went wide. Wherever Ferula was, it wasn't near, and that meant ... that meant Aldrin knew, too.

Her cool, dry fingertips returned to my face. She smoothed my brow and emitted a barely audible chuckle. "Do not worry. Not everyone can feel the oneness."

"The oneness?" I asked, and felt like the solution to everything lay in the answer. It was what allowed me to know her. It was what allowed me to need her. It was what allowed her to know me so well.

"Yes. It is the force that dri-"

The oneness. It allowed me to know that Aldrin was coming.

"I should go," she whispered, then moved to her feet in a fluid motion that made me be jealous and awestruck both at once. In moments, she had disappeared into the darkness.

A few moments later, Aldrin stepped into my line of sight. I began to shiver, from the fear, and from the fever that I knew was running through my system. It was obvious that someone had been here before. He would know.

"Hello," he said as he neared. His voice was soft and contemplative, as if he was wondering how best to squash me. I knew that, just as I knew Kira was not destined to be mine; she was his, already.

"Hi," I responded through dry lips. My eyes flicked from side to side nervously, wondering what he was going to do next. Kira's fragrance lingered in the air like the last sign of doom.

"Why are you like this?" He asked, and his question caught me off-guard. I looked at him, managing to tilt my head slightly in a gesture of curiosity.

"You get better. Then you get worse. Then you're in a fever. Then you look like you have seen a ghost. Where do you come from? Who are you?"

I smiled. Kira knew. Thea knew. Why didn't he?

"I don't know," I responded a little too sharply. "I got hit by something I don't know. Someone came and said that he's a God, and then he hit me in the chest by lor-"

"Aldrin," Kira called as she approached from my other side. How had she skirted around us without any of us noticing? We both looked at her.

"Hello, Kira," Aldrin said, then stepped forward to hold her in his arms. Jealousy swirled in my heart, sharp and unexpected. How can you get jealous when you haven't really known her?

But I knew her. I had reached into her mind and she had let me. She was Kira, married to Aldrin, and her father was a bear; the same bear that came to meet Aldrin the first day I was here. Vakezul.

That was, admittedly, all I knew.

I stared at them without meaning to. Kira returned my gaze, staring icy daggers at me. Did she know I was jealous? Was it why she was looking at me like she thought I had no right to be jealous?

I closed my eyes to prevent myself from staring. I wish I had covered my ears as well, because seconds later, a kiss followed. I couldn't feel any emotions behind the act, as though they were going through daily rituals. Formalities.

Or maybe, it was only what I had wished to feel.