Chapter 26

So we came back to Albuquerque, and Max went back to her squadron. I went back to my jet engines, and waited. Almost immediately Max was off flight status, and I knew she was following through on her determination. And then on a Friday she came home, tossed her flight cap on the coffee table, and said, "Well, that's that."

I was sitting on the sofa, having only been home from work for a few minutes myself. "You're out?" I asked.

"I'm out. I feel undressed, bereft..."

I stood up and put my arms around her. "I know the feeling."

"I know." She was leaning on me, her arms around my waist. "It's been over a year, hasn't it?"

"Yes."

"Does it get any easier?"

I told her the truth. "I still miss it, Max. I still wish, sometimes, for the chance to make chief and run a shop and teach new troops what I know. But yes, it does get easier. I love the job I've got now, and I'm already doing a little bit of teaching, and I'm making more money as you know. And I can usually look back on the Air Force without any pain at all."

"How did that happen? I feel right now like I'll never be whole again."

"Mostly it was you, Max. I left the Air Force for you, and I love you even more than I loved the Air Force. If I'd just gotten out for no particularly good reason, it would still eat at me. But I got out in order to marry you, and here you are with me, the best thing that ever happened to me. I look at you, or think of you, or hold you like this, and it's obvious that it was worth it."

"You don't have what you once did—"

"Just shut up, Max." She looked up at me, startled at my sudden taking of authority. "What you did was evil and painful and we both know that, so just leave it alone. What counts is what is, right now. And right now I love you, and you love me, and we're going to be together forever. That's how I can handle being out of the Air Force, Max, and unless you learn to do the same, resigning your commission is going to eat you alive."

"Yes, beloved." Her voice was that of a subdued child.

"I don't mean to bite your head off, Max. You know how little interested I am in being a domineering husband. But that's just the way it is, the way it has to be. And I'm not going to let you wallow in self-pity when you've got so much to be happy about."

"What do I have to be happy about?" She held up a hand, and actually stepped away from me, standing on her feet instead of leaning on me. "Wait, let me think. There's you, of course. You could have easily thrown me out, and yet you wouldn't let me leave. You love me, and that is something about which I'm very joyful. There's my looks – and you know that I do like the way I look." She smiled at that one. "There's Roddy, that sweet little kid brother of mine, and there's the fact that he's probably going to make Amy my sister in two ways instead of just one. And there's you, beloved, who've been like a rock in my life these past two years."

I didn't bother telling her she'd mentioned me twice – I was sure she'd done it deliberately. Instead, I said, "You forgot something, babe."

"What's that?"

"Your new job."

"But I don't have a job yet."

I grinned at her. "Says who?"

"Derek, just what are you getting at?"

"Well, I talked to the chief pilot a few days ago. And he says that while he does have to interview you, if you're as good as I say you are he'll hire you."

"You're kidding!"

"Nope." Though I'd never been a Scout, I held up my first two fingers. "I promise it's the truth. All you've got to do Monday is show up looking presentable, and let him know just how well you fly, and you've got a job."

"Driving trucks." Her voice was flat.

"You knew it when you decided to resign your commission, Max. They don't have fighters in civilian life. But these aren't 747s – they're small, nimble aircraft, even if they do carry passengers, and all the routes are short, so you can spend most of your time here."

"Trying to keep me under control, Derek?"

"No, Max – but I know how you feel about being away, and I know that you missed me terribly when you were gone. I know that even when you came back at the end of the day, you hated being away from me for hours on end, flying off to some range or other. Look, if you want to find your own job..."

She put her arms around me again, leaning again on my chest. "No, beloved. I'm sorry. I just miss the Air Force so much, even though I'm barely out of it."

"Then you'll go to the interview?"

"Yes. And thank you, Derek. I really appreciate you lining it up for me."

I stroked her hair, and began undoing her Air Force bun. "Why don't you go get a shower, and we'll go out for a beer."

"Is that an invitation, airman?"

"It is, captain." She'd gotten an early promotion while she was in Iraq, and even if she hadn't worn the two silver bars very long, I wanted to recognize her accomplishment.

"And not a single thing, this time, to interfere." She raised her head and looked at me. "We've come through a lot, haven't we?"

"I wonder just how much of our trouble has been our own fault."

"How so?" Her hair now completely down on her shoulders, Max stepped back and unzipped her flight suit. Underneath it her olive drab t-shirt showed sweat stains on the chest and under the arms. Combat maneuvers can be hard on you; flying fighters is real work, and she'd apparently taken an Eagle up for one last flight.

"If God intended us to be together – and I believe He did – He would have brought it about in spite of Air Force regs. But we just kept pushing, refusing to wait on Him. And though I don't think He's punishing us, I do think that where we are is a result of what we did."

"I like the way you say 'we, ' Derek. You're being kind. I know it was me – I'm the one who kept pushing, against your protests."

"I didn't protest as hard as I could have, babe. I could have told you to back off and stay away, or else I'd have to report you. But I didn't. I protested while holding onto you with both hands."

She shrugged, both arms out of the flight suit now and her hands reaching out for mine. "And how did that bring about the situation we're in now?"

"Consequences, Max. As I said, I don't believe this is punishment from God. But every action has a consequence. We defied the regulations, and the consequence was first that I had to forsake my career, and now you're having to do it too. We've both been through tremendous pain, and if we'd just waited on God maybe things would have gone more smoothly."

"Maybe so. And maybe not. If my aunt had a beard she'd be my uncle. We can't change what we did, beloved. We can't change what's already past. I suppose you're probably right, that what we're going through now came out of what we did." She took a big breath. "Let me get that shower. I'm ready to go out for a beer."

Max put on a pair of moderately tight jeans for our date, a pale yellow tank top, and a pair of brown cowboy boots. She left her hair loose, flowing over her freckled shoulders, and put on just enough makeup to emphasize her hazel eyes. I was in my usual khaki pants and polo shirt.

Before we went in the door of "our" bar she stopped us, and took my left hand. She held it beside her own, and the twin rings glowed in the evening light. "We're together, aren't we?" she asked.