Chapter 7

When we were in the car again, I clenched the steering wheel with both hands and said, "That didn't go extremely well, did it?"

"Why did they have to be like that, Daddy?" Hadassah asked from the back seat. It sounded as though she were crying.

"I wish I knew."

"You and Mom were so sweet. You were hurt and angry when I told you I was pregnant, you still are, I suppose. But you didn't yell at me and you didn't call Josh names, and you didn't insult my baby. You loved all three of us, even when it hurt."

"That's what love is, honey," said Gill. "If love shrivels when it hurts, it's not love at all. Now it may simply be that George and Patricia are so hurt and angry that they can't express their love right now. We'll see more on that as time goes by. But love continues when it hurts. The nature of love is that it's open to hurt." She put her hand on my arm, looking at me with a slight smile. "If I didn't love your father, he could never hurt me. And if he didn't love me, I couldn't hurt him. But we do hurt each other – not on purpose – because we're so open to each other, because we love each other."

All Hadassah said right then was, "Can we go home now?" I started the engine and put the car in gear, and we moved away. When we've driven a couple of blocks she said, "Do you think Mr. and Mrs. Benitez love Joshua?"

I tapped a finger on the steering wheel. "Until today I had no doubts. After today, I am not going to say that they don't, because your mother's right – love could be trapped behind pain and anger. Believe me, Hadassah, there is pain and anger. I have bitten my tongue many times this past week, when I wanted so badly to shout at you. And I've seen your mother's knuckles white on a dish towel more than once as we talked, and her anger struggled to take control. But if George and Patricia continue to treat Joshua that way, I will begin to wonder." I didn't say it, because the thought was barely formed, but it occurred to me that the academic detachment that was part of our lives had perhaps helped us to remain calm when our emotions wanted to burst forth. Academics talk of being deliriously excited in the same tones most people use for a boring subject, and maybe, just maybe, my academic life had kept Gill and I from making things worse.

"I couldn't stand it if they did that, if they kept on hurting him."

I didn't know what to say to that, except that she'd have no choice but to stand it – and that wouldn't a very helpful observation just then. "What they said to you, and about you, and about your child, is what has me so angry I nearly hit George."

"Bill, you didn't!"

"In my heart, Gill, I most certainly did hit him. I'm a theologian, and I know very well what I'm guilty of: 'I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court.' I need to repent, and indeed I do repent, and shall repent – but honestly, Gill, I wanted to beat him bloody."

Hadassah's voice came from the back seat. "That's Matthew 5:22."

"There's my sword drill champion," I said, and managed a genuine chuckle.

"Yes, I'm good at that. And Dad, I'm angry too. It's okay for him to call me names – I deserve it." I clamped my teeth shut, for I knew she was making a point. "But to call my baby names ... this baby isn't at fault. She didn't do anything! It's my fault I'm pregnant, not hers!"

"You're right, honey." Gill turned in her seat to look at Hadassah. "If anyone ought to be free of judgment, it's that poor child. And I will tell you this – if George Benitez never apologizes, and especially if he continues to attack your child, that will be the end of my friendship with him."

"Mom..."

"Yes?"

"Don't lose a friend because of me, please."

I glanced over at Gill, and her jaw was set. "I won't lose a friend because of you, honey – but I will, regretfully yes, but I will lose a friend because of flagrant injustice. Your father can no doubt quote it, and you can probably quote it and give the reference too, but I can only give the gist of it. The Bible says that God only requires of us that we do justice and be kind and be humble in our walk with Him. Doing justice, Hadassah, may mean standing up for your and your child to the point of losing a friend." I heard Gill's breath catch. "I don't want to, and I'll do everything I can to preserve this friendship. But I will not sacrifice truth and justice on that altar."

"Oh, Mom, you're so special." I felt Hadassah reaching between the front seats and giving Gill an awkward hug. "And Dad, you're special too, the way you stood up for me and my baby back there." I felt her hand on my shoulder, and a gentle kiss on my head; she was making sure she didn't interfere with my driving. "I want my marriage to be just like yours, and I want to be a mother just like you are, Mom, and I want Josh to be the kind of father you are, Dad."

"Like me, except for my faults, daughter – that I can accept."

Hadassah's hand was still on my shoulder, and I heard her chuckle near my ear. "What faults, Dad?"

"Ask your mother – she's a better judge of them than I am." I laughed a little. "She's been trying to correct them for 20 years now, and I can actually report a little success."