Chapter 16

With the matter of the rings out of the way, I moved to what might be a thornier problem. "Hadassah, Joshua," I said, "have you been able to find a place to live?"

Joshua shook his head. "Not that we can afford ... well, not that we can afford and which we'd feel comfortable living in, never mind raising a child in. The only places we can even think about affording are pretty trashy, in bad neighborhoods where I'd be afraid to walk in daylight, much less at night. With my job I can barely afford anything at all." He'd just recently began working at McDonalds – one of those jobs that pay very little, but start you on the way to better things.

"That's what I was afraid of. It's been some time since I looked at the price of a simple apartment, but I'm sure rent hasn't gone down since then." I looked at both of them, knowing something of their desperation in this area from the expressions on their faces. "Gill and I—" calling my wife your mother was now not really feasible, since she was Joshua's mother only by love and courtesy and marriage "—Gill and I have looked at our budget, and we have little flexibility, certainly not enough to subsidize an apartment that would be fit for you and your child. Over a few months we can reduce or eliminate some expenses, but right now, which is when you need a place to live, we're not able to help. I suppose, Joshua, that your parents haven't been willing to help?"

"No." His voice was glum. "As long as I'm marrying 'that slut' they won't help me out at all, not even to give their grandchild a place to live."

"Have they called Hadassah that?" I heard the anger in my voice.

"And worse, Dad. It's one reason why I'm going to MJT now, and why I can't wait to get married and start living with Hadassah. I've had it up to here with their meanness."

I felt Gill's hand wrapping around mine, and smothered the angry words that I wanted to say. "Then we'll keep praying for them," she said, though her own voice wasn't free of anger. "They need to know God's forgiveness and peace just as we do."

Joshua nodded. "Thanks, Mom." I could tell it was new for him, and a little bit awkward, calling Gill and me Mom and Dad, but it did sound natural too.

"What we've thought of, then," I said, "is only temporary, but it is a place to start. We'll be happy for you to both live in Hadassah's room until we can find better accommodations."

"Would you, Dad?" Hadassah's face and voice were suddenly hopeful.

"It'll be cramped for you, and cramped for a couple especially – and not just because it's not really a couple's room. You'll have little privacy – we'll give you as much as we can, but living in one room, in the same house with Gill and me, will be tight quarters."

Joshua and Hadassah looked at each other, and Gill and I were still young enough that I could guess what they were thinking. Then they looked back at Gill and me. "We don't have much choice," Joshua said. "I know it's going to be an imposition, and I wish I could say no and mean it. But we'll take it."

"What'll we do when the baby comes?" Hadassah asked.

"I hope by then that we'll be able to help you into an apartment of your own. If not – well, couples have lived in one room with a baby before. There have been times when entire families have lived in just two or three rooms. I don't want to force that on you, but if it's necessary, we'll manage."

"I just wish I had a full-time job..." Joshua said.

"It's more important right now," Gill told him, "that you at the very least graduate from high school. A college degree would be even better, but that may have to wait – another of those consequences that you both are learning to live with. It's tempting, I know, to leave school and find gainful employment, but in the long run you'll be better able to care for your family if you have a diploma." Having surrendered to God, having surrendered Hadassah into God's hands, Gill was focused on the future.

"I know, Mom. I'm not quitting school. I've made one big mistake, and I'm not going to make another one."

"Same here, Mom," Hadassah said. "Once the baby's born and grown a little, enough to leave with a babysitter, I want to get some kind of job, maybe only part-time, to help out. But I'm going to graduate. You and Dad have put a lot of money into my education, though I'm only thinking about that now ... Anyway, I don't want to waste it."

I smiled gently at my daughter. "You're learning about 20/20 hindsight, aren't you? It's a lot easier to see things after the fact. I think wisdom is mostly seeing things clearly before the fact, instead of having to wait till after. And sometimes wisdom grows from having to kick yourself for not seeing things except in hindsight."

"I'm not very wise, I guess. I didn't see any of this at the time. I knew it was wrong, but none of this occurred to me – not getting pregnant, not having to finish school while having a baby, not trying to find a place to live, not having to rush the wedding, not having a chance to get our own rings ... I didn't think of any of it until way too late."