Chapter 15

I gave Gill a last hug and then went out into the living room. Joshua and Hadassah had been careful to remain in sight, but far enough across the room that at most they would have heard our voices only faintly, and none of the words. I sat down on the end of the coffee table and looked at them, where they were sitting in a pair of beanbags that we kept against the wall, on the other side of the television from "their" chairs; the beanbags had originally been in Hadassah's room when she was young.

I could tell from their faces that Joshua and Hadassah wanted to know what we'd talked about, and what the conclusion was, but I began with first things. "Hadassah," I said, "your mother's hurting right now, but she wants you to know that she loves you."

"I know she does, Dad. But I'm glad she said it."

"I love you too, Hadassah."

"I know."

"Yes, you do. But I know you want to hear it – and I want to say it. A love that never expresses itself will, I think, eventually die from lack of care." I looked at Joshua. "And we love you too. We love you for yourself, and we love you because you love our daughter, and we love you as our son, as you'll be soon."

"I guess that's what you were talking about," he said.

"Yes. Neither of us is happy to see things moving so quickly. Your mother, Hadassah, yearns for that wedding with the white dress and the bridesmaids and me giving you away. I looked forward to it myself. But that's not possible now. Things are forcing our hand, and we have to dispense with a lot that all of us want. And that's what's hurting her. She feels like she's losing her daughter before it's time. But she's agreed to give her blessing to a wedding just as early as you can arrange it – this Saturday, if that's what's possible."

Hadassah bowed her head, and all I could see was her black curls. Her voice came out from under those curls almost like a little girl's. "I'm sorry, Daddy. I never meant to do this to you and Mom..."

"I know you didn't, Hadassah. I won't say it's not your fault, but things are as they are and we have to work within that reality. Without blaming anyone, we'll do what we need to do in order to make things right." I took a breath, and held it, and almost didn't say what I knew I needed to say. But I had to say it, and so I did. "I know that it's hard on both of you. You got into things sooner than you should have, and now you've broken them off, and I've found that as hard as it may be to not get into sin, it's even harder to make a clean break from it once you're in. And ... well, I'm a married man. I know what it's like to express love in every way, physical as well as emotional and intellectual. Perhaps it's best, after all, that things move so quickly. You need to be able, now that you've began, to continue that full expression in a legitimate setting."

"You know, Mr. Garvin," said Joshua, "that with us it wasn't casual sex. It was never casual. Wrong, yeah – we knew it then. But it meant more to us than anything. It was a way of telling Hadassah that I love her, and I think it was that for her too."

"I know. As I said, I'm a married man." And I managed a genuine smile. "You've engaged in what once had the name of 'the act of marriage.' That's what it properly is, and in a sense that's what it was for both of you. And we need to establish a real marriage so that you can, indeed, act as a married couple." I rubbed my face, feeling as though I must be cherry red. I'd discussed "the birds and the bees" with Hadassah, and I knew Gill had, but this was something different, and it was embarrassing me. "What I'm trying to say, I think, is that there are many reasons to have a speedy wedding, and one of them is the fact that you've already created that bond – that joining into one flesh. Since you both love each other, and used the act to show your love for each other, the right thing to do is provide God's and society's sanction of the bond, and as much as I don't like it, the sooner the better is what I think is right."

"Thank you, Dad," Hadassah said. "I know none of this is easy for you. And it must be killing Mom..."

"Very nearly, I think. She hasn't said anything to me, but I think she wonders sometimes what she did wrong."

"She didn't do anything wrong, Dad. I'm the one who was wrong. Mom taught me everything I needed to know, and you did too, everything I needed to know in order to be pure. I threw that away. Mom did everything right."

"I know, and she knows too. But what she knows, and what she feels, aren't always the same. For that matter I find myself dealing with those emotions." I rubbed my face again, feeling more like my normal self. "But that's somewhat beside the point. You've got our blessing. In fact..." I thought for a moment, then turned and called into the kitchen. "Gill, is lunch about ready?"

"Just a couple of minutes, Bill." Her voice sounded almost normal – but not quite. She was still suffering from the decision God had required her to make, and when I heard how the struggle was still affecting her voice it tore at my heart.

But I had to continue what I was doing. I turned back to Joshua and Hadassah. "I have an idea. We don't do things like this much, if at all, today, but I am the head of this family, and as such I have some duties and privileges which I intend to take up before we eat."

I got up from the table, and pulled Hadassah up by her hands. Joshua stood beside her, and I saw what a handsome couple they made. Not only were they compatible spiritually and emotionally and intellectually, but they looked well together too.

I led the way to the table. What we called the dining room wasn't actually separate from the living room, though it had a tile floor rather than carpet. I motioned Hadassah and Joshua to stand beside me, and called out to Gill. "Could you please come here for a moment?"