Chapter 41

Toni

She stopped by the Christian bookstore on Wyoming and Candelaria. It was where she'd bought her own Bible, years ago, the one that had gathered dust for so long and now got daily use as both she and Roberto studied. She went straight to the Bible display, appropriately in the center of the store. She knew what she wanted – the version, the size, the color – and it didn't take long to find it. She examined the sample that was out of its shrink wrap, making sure the binding and the print were right, and then picked up a box – checking inside to be sure of the color – and carried it to the register. It wasn't cheap – a good Bible never is – and she bit her lip at the price. But it's the best possible gift for the man I love more than anyone except God, she told herself, and paid.

She'd had to go out of her way, but from where she was, getting home wasn't difficult. She headed west on Candelaria to Washington, where she turned north briefly before cutting west again on Comanche. Then the turn north on Morningside, around the corner on Delamar, into the carport, and she was home. She turned off the engine and picked up the box from the passenger seat, and didn't have to open her door – it opened by itself it seemed, and then 'Berto was there taking her hand and helping her out. He gathered her up and kissed her, and she put her free arm around him and kissed him back. It was always wonderful kissing him. With her limited experience she had no idea what it was like to kiss other men, but she knew that kissing 'Berto was a trip to heaven.

He released her, finally, and said, "I got your note, but I still missed you."

"I missed you too, 'Berto. I miss you every time we're apart."

"Yeah, I know. But I'm used to you being home by now."

She nodded. "I know. I'm used to it too. But I got your Bible, so if you'll allow me to walk we'll go inside and I'll give it to you."

"Sure thing, boss lady. Just let me get the hay out of my shoes..."

She backhanded him on the shoulder. "Oh, stop it! Do you tease me just because you can, or because you enjoy it?"

"Yes," he said simply, and kissed her on the top of her head – something that was so easy for him. No, he wasn't especially tall, but he was way above her. I guess I'm just the right size for men to feel protective about me. And that's not a bad thing, is it? No, it wasn't a bad thing at all. I've never used my ... my figure ... to snare men, but if my size and my build lead 'Berto to do what husbands are supposed to do, then I'm grateful to God for it. Better a willing husband than an unwilling one, though I can't imagine marrying someone who didn't really want to marry me.

She stepped around him, locked and closed the car, and took his hand to lead him into the house. He allowed her to go through the door first, and closed it behind him. She sat on her end of the sofa, and took the Bible out of its box. She pulled the plastic wrapping off of it, and opened it to the presentation page. "This Holy Bible is presented to ... by ... on... _," she read. She filled in her name, and his, and the date. Then underneath she wrote, I love you as my husband-to-be – and now as my brother in Christ. She'd felt him sitting on his end of the sofa, and when she was finished she closed the cover and handed it to him.

"It's the New American Standard Bible, just like mine and just like the ones in the pews at church. It's newer than mine, though – you'll see on the spine that it's the updated NASB. They got rid of the 'thees and thous, ' and put things in more modern English, which really is a more accurate translation of the original. There are some other minor differences too, which I've noticed a couple of times at church, since their pew Bibles are the updated NASB too. But it's the Bible, and it's all yours, my lord." And surprising herself, she slipped off the sofa and onto her knees in front of him, laying her head in his lap. It was something she'd never done before, and it took her a moment to understand her action. I guess I'm giving myself to him along with the Bible. This is a sort of surrender, isn't it? And I do surrender to him; he is going to be my husband, after all.

She felt his hand on her head, smoothing her hair, tucking behind her ear a stray lock that had escaped her ponytail. "Thank you, Toni," she heard him say. "This is something I'll treasure for years. I can tell you put some care into this – I don't think I've ever seen such quality in a book." His hand came to rest on her cheek. "And I will treasure you forever. You are exactly what I needed to come to know the Lord, and you're exactly who I need to love and to spend my life with. Thank you, Toni, for being who you are, and for loving me."

She nodded. "You're welcome, my lord. But we both need to thank Someone else, don't we?"

"Yes, I guess we do. It's still new to me, after all." He paused, and she thought he might wish her to begin. But no, here was his voice again. "Lord, You know I'm still learning how to pray. But I am thankful for Toni. Thank You for bringing us together, for letting me love her, for letting her love me. Thank You for using her to teach me to love You, for I do love You, Lord – even more than I love Toni, which I would have thought was impossible. And thank You for giving her to me as my wife. I love her even more now, knowing that she is Your gift to me."

His voice had been getting thick as he prayed, and now he seemed to break down completely. She raised her head and saw tears on his cheeks. She lifted herself, and wiped the tears away, and kissed him as gently as she could. "Thank You, Lord," she said, matching her prayer to his, "for 'Berto, for my love, for my husband-to-be. You brought me out of destruction and set me upon a rock, and You used 'Berto to do it. If he hadn't told me over and over that I shouldn't load myself with guilt, I don't know if I would have listened to the elders. And he was the one who delivered Your word to me, that I should forgive myself. Thank You, my Lord, for giving me my earthly lord, the one I love more than anyone else on earth. And thank You for giving him to me again as a brother, one who loves You." And now her voice broke as well, and she was crying as surely as he was.

'Berto leaned forward, and lifted her up, and set her on his lap. He wrapped his arms around her, and Toni sat there with her arms around him, and they silently joined as one in their gratitude toward God.

'Berto

After a while they were both serene, for their weeping had not been sorrowful, but joyful. She stirred in his arms, putting her arms around him more completely. "Did you mean it," she asked, "when you said that you now love God more than you love me?"

"Yes, I meant it. Did you know that would happen when I became a Christian?"

"I did. And I'm glad of it. Because you also said that you now love me more than ever. I knew that would happen too. One of the things I'm glad about, with my restoration to God, is that I had been in danger of loving you the wrong way, of putting you above God. Now that I'm right with Him again, I can love you – and do love you – more than I ever could before, but without putting you in a place that belongs only to Him."

"I know what you mean, I think," he said. "You know I'm still learning all this stuff, but there are things you told me and read to me ... before ... that are starting to make sense now, and what you're telling me and reading to me now makes sense that it wouldn't have made before. And I think I know what you mean."

"You'll be able to read for yourself now ... in your own Bible, I mean. I know you've always been careful about using mine, though I didn't mind."

"I know how special the Bible is to you, Toni. I didn't want to mess yours up."

"And I appreciate it. But you'll want to be careful about putting too much importance on the book. The Bible isn't paper and ink and leather – it's the Word of God that's important. And that's the same, whether you read it in that very fine Bible I gave you, or on a billboard, or on scraps of cheap paper in someone's bad handwriting. It's the Word of God even if you don't read it at all, but just hear someone recite it."

"I hadn't thought about that..."

"You have to remember," she said, "that God was speaking long before anyone wrote anything down – at least, anything that's in the Bible. Moses wrote the first five books of the Bible, but he recorded things there that were way before his time. And there are times when we know God spoke to someone, but we don't know exactly what He said. What God says is the important thing, not the form in which we have it. Which isn't, of course, to say that we treat the Bible like nothing."