Chapter 10

Toni

After Toni had bought some of what she wanted, she turned to 'Berto and asked him, "And now, what would you like to get?"

"Chips and beer and chips and beer and chips..." He stopped when she laughed.

"'Berto, I almost believe you mean it. That was a typical boy's reply. Though," she added, "you are the best boy in town, and I'd rather be with you than with any man."

He turned away, blushing. "Aw, Toni, you don't need to say that..."

"Okay, I don't need to. But I want to. This is not, in case you hadn't figured it out yet, a night or two in the sack and then goodbye."

He turned back to her, serious now, wondering at the crudity which wasn't like what he'd come to know of her. "I know it, Toni. If that's what I thought it was ... well, I'd be different with you."

"And you like it this way."

"I like it this way."

"Then, 'Berto, we need to do things together, including shopping. Later on, when I know what you like, I can do all the shopping if you want." She knew that was a potential opened door, but she'd deal with that problem if it ever arose. For now she needed to play the older woman, to use her greater age and wisdom – if her greater age had brought her any wisdom – to help her boy grow up a little. "But for now, I don't know what you like. I don't know what you want. And so I need you to help me out here."

"Okay, Toni – you're right. I'm sorry."

"No, 'Berto, you don't need to be sorry. It's not like you assaulted me or anything."

"And I won't."

"That's good, because if you did, it would be the last time you ever touched me in any way whatsoever." She was surprised at how fiercely she said it, though not at the sentiment. No one had ever lifted a hand to her, other than her parents applying discipline, and she'd long ago decided that it would never happen. She remembered a neighbor lady having to make excuses – running into doors and falling down steps quickly became as easy to see through as air. That would not happen to her.

"Toni, I swear to you I will never hit you." She knew he was serious, and she believed him, although she also knew that under stress some men – and some women, for that matter – forgot their promises. But for now, she would take it at face value.

"It's all right, 'Berto – I believe you. Let's do some shopping, okay?"

"Okay, sure. Um, what do I like? Let's go look at the fruit."

So they went and looked at the fruit. There were navel oranges, and they bought some – or Toni did; over time she'd integrate their finances, but for now she was using her money. If he chose to kick in, fine, and if not, equally fine – she wanted to give things to 'Berto anyway. Next they bought some potatoes, which Toni thought a good idea since, once 'Berto mentioned potatoes, she realized she was getting low.

For the rest of what 'Berto wanted, she thought Wal-Mart would be a better deal, so they went there. She left the Albertson's lot by the San Mateo entrance, and stayed in the right lane till Candelaria, where they had to turn right since San Mateo shrank to two southbound lanes. She stayed in the left lane now, and turned left on Carlisle. Just a little way down was a McDonald's, and on impulse she swung in and parked. "There's one in the Wal-Mart," she said, "but this is better."

They went inside and stood, looking over the menu. "Let me buy," 'Berto said as they examined the choices.

"Okay." She reached up and put her hand on his shoulder – strangely, that was the first sort of physical contact she'd ever initiated with 'Berto, and it still brought the most powerful thrill to her heart. The feel of that skinny, knobby shoulder stirred her – mind, soul, and body – as no other touch she gave to or received from him did. In a way it's even more than last night.

She left her hand there while they considered. She liked holding 'Berto's hand; she liked wrapping her arms around him as he wrapped his around her; she liked lying beside him, touching all along the length of their arms and legs; she even liked sitting across a table from him, just drinking in his face with her eyes. But her hand on his shoulder was, for her, the ultimate bond.

After a couple of minutes he turned and looked down at her. I never realized how short I am until I stood close to this boy, she thought. For some reason she'd never been conscious of her diminutive size with ... him ... though he'd been taller than 'Berto. Something about this boy made her feel tiny – but it wasn't an unpleasant feeling. Rather it made her think of herself as something to cherish – not fragile, but certainly subject to breakage in the world's rough handling, and ready to cuddle up to a protector. That too was a new sensation. I've been taking care of myself since I was 20. I've been utterly alone for five years. I've become self-reliant. And now I just melt into 'Berto's presence. It wasn't so much his arms around her, though that was certainly a protected feeling that she cherished. It was simply his presence – the physical fact of him there, next to her, as she looked up at him and felt, of all things, like a diamond on a velvet cushion.

She had no idea why that image came to her, but once it did, it was strong. They protect diamonds, she thought. They put them behind glass, and set armed guards around them. Maybe it wasn't such an outlandish idea after all. If she felt protected when she was near 'Berto, then perhaps she did feel like a diamond – something precious, something people would expend great effort to keep safe. And I want to be safe, she realized. I guess I've been on my own long enough to be ready for protection.

She realized that only a few seconds had passed while her mind whirled, and 'Berto was smiling down into her eyes. "Are you ready to order, my lord?" she asked.

"Yes, I am, my lady."

They stepped up and joined the shortest line though, as 'Berto said, it probably would be the slowest. It wasn't, for a wonder, and they soon were at the counter. 'Berto ordered the #1, the Big Mac meal, while Toni just wanted a Filet O' Fish and a Coke. They waited, got their orders, and found a table. They sat across from each other, and busied themselves opening boxes, unwrapping straws, and salting French fries.

Toni reached across the table to her man and took his hand. "'Berto," she said, saying it hurriedly before the impulse died away and fear took its place. "I am so glad that we've met. I am so glad that we get along so well. I am so glad that we're friends. I am so glad that you've moved in." She felt her nerve going, as that last phrase reminded her of her sin and her disgrace. She rushed through the last of what she had to say. "And I don't want you ever to leave. If we break up, we break up, but – I don't want us ever to break up."