Chapter 16

After that Saturday by the Morrisons' pool, Cassie and I were closer than ever. We now kissed each other from time to time. It was usually just on the cheek, as it had been that day. But we would occasionally kiss each other on the lips. It was as though we were experimenting, seeing what we could do and what felt right. I got the sense that Cassie was experimenting more than I was. We didn't speak of it, but I had the feeling that she was coming closer to a real decision on our relationship.

It was the first Sunday in August, not quite a month after the swimming party, when I realized that our discretion wasn't working quite the way we'd hoped. We hadn't hugged or kissed at church, but had reserved that for our dates. But I was reading a list of people who'd presented themselves for baptism and a couple of older ladies in front turned it into an occasion to tell me something. And yet they were merely speaking to each other.

I had the list in my hand as I read it. "James Cortez, Pedro Gutierrez, Sandy Ishimura, Joseph McCall, and Bennie Deer."

One of the ladies spoke up, her poor hearing making her voice louder than necessary in the quiet right after the list. "What was that last name?" she asked her friend.

"Bennie Deer."

"Hmph! It'll be 'Cassie dear' next, I suppose."

I had to duck my head to conceal a laugh, and also to conceal a blush. It was true that Cassie hadn't yet asked for baptism. It was also true that she was very dear to me, more so than ever. But I had never expected that what we had become to each other had become so public.

After church, as we walked north along Juan Tabo, I told her what I'd overheard. "I'm so sorry, Yirmeyah," she told me. "I never meant to embarrass you with our friendship."

Her word hurt me, though I did my best to conceal that from her. I think I succeeded, for my voice sounded normal. "Is it just a friendship, Cass?"

"I know it is at least that, Yirmeyah, because you're the best friend I've ever had and I can never forget you, no matter what happens. If I'm ever in need I'll turn to you, I know that."

"But it's no more than that?" It was hard work keeping tears out of my voice. And after I asked the question I looked away, for it was nearly impossible to keep them from my eyes.

I heard her draw in a breath. "Yirmeyah, I need to tell you something."

I looked back to her, because it sounded like she was fighting tears now. "What is it, Cass?"

She turned and took me in her arms, clinging to me, coming just up to my chin. For once I was only slightly conscious in an embrace of her figure, for clearly something important was on her mind. She held me tightly for a moment, and then tilted her head up and looked at me. There were tears in those green eyes, but her lips were smiling. "It took your question to clarify it in my mind, Yirmeyah, and I'm sorry I've kept you waiting so long, but I do have an answer for you. You told Daddy that you love me and want to marry me, but you never asked me."

"No, I haven't. I told you I wouldn't pressure you."

"Well, Yirmeyah, I wish you'd ask me."

Suddenly my despair turned to shouting in my heart. I knew that she'd never invite that question if she intended to turn me down. Before I spoke to her, I spoke in my heart to God. "Weeping may last for the night, /But a shout of joy comes in the morning." God, I don't think this is what you meant, but the verse fits my mood. Thank you, Lord, for what I think you're about to do.

I put my hands on her shoulders, thankful that the parking lot where we stood was empty on Sunday. I didn't have to worry about traffic. "Cassandra, will you marry me?"

She put her hands on my arms. "Yirmeyah, I will." She paused, looking down for a moment. "I know now that I love you," she said softly. "I didn't realize it, really, until I began to think about us as friends, and knew that definitely we've been more than that, and found that I couldn't bear for us to be nothing more than friends. Yes, I'll marry you, and gladly."

We kissed again, for the first time a kiss of lovers. No, we weren't going to do anything immoral. But we were on the road that leads to bed, among other places. And we both knew it. And we were both eager for the end of that road.

Cassie

For the first time when we walked we held hands, and having Yirmeyah's callused hand in mine was a joy that I could hardly comprehend. Kenzi had been right, and I'd have eventually come to that realization, I think, but truly it was Yirmeyah's question and the need to answer it which had catalyzed my thinking and brought me to understand that Yirmeyah was so much more than a friend and that I wanted him with me forever. I leaned my head against his shoulder as we walked, for my spectacular figure hasn't given me spectacular height. I felt the warmth in my belly again, and I felt all the stirrings of desire that he'd been able to awaken in me over these months without even trying, and I knew this too was a sign of love. Yirmeyah had never spoken of intimate matters, and I knew that we wouldn't until it was proper to do so – "fittin'" in his Texas word – but I also knew that love expresses itself in many ways, and one of those ways is the physical joining of a man and wife. And just as I eagerly wanted Yirmeyah's kisses for my own, and his hands in mine, and his ring on my finger and his name to become mine, so I just as eagerly wanted him with me in that most intimate and loving of connections.

It seemed that he was in much the same situation, for after an interval of quiet chatting interspersed with kisses, for we were acting like the young lovers that we truly were, he fell quiet for a couple of minutes and then said, out of the blue, "Cassie, you don't know how badly I want you to seduce me."