Chapter 18

Frank drove one-handed that day. His right hand was in mine, and I couldn't tell whether it was he who refused to let go, or myself. It's a cliché that couples who are "in love" can't keep their hands off each other, but that morning it was certainly true of us. We held hands as he drove, and we'd embraced in our living room. And indeed that had been growing more and more true of us over the summer as we healed our marriage, and especially after Frank's conversion, as he became more and more open to expressing what he felt. We couldn't keep our hands off each other, in the sense of always needing some physical contact. I had read a picture caption years ago in National Geographic, which spoke of some African tribe. The photo depicted a wife sitting beside her husband as both worked on something or other, and her foot was pressed against his; this was, the caption said, a custom of that tribe – married couples strove always to be in some sort of contact. That's how I felt with Frank, and it was clearly how he felt with me.

I think that if the car had permitted it, we'd have engaged in a full scale hug there before getting out. But the space was too confined, so we contented ourselves with smiling at each other. We didn't merely hold hands as we walked across the parking lot – my arm was around Frank's waist, and his was across my shoulders. I suppose we looked like a couple of lovebirds, newlyweds not yet back from the honeymoon, but then that's how I felt. With the new peace in our marriage, and the new peace in Frank's heart, I really did feel as though we were embarking on marriage afresh.

Of course Tyrone had announced the previous Sunday that Frank and I would renew our vows after the service, so it was no surprise when we walked in looking like the proverbial million dollars, and so clearly wrapped up in each other. And of course though the people of the congregation hadn't been privy to our counseling sessions, they had been able to observe over the course of months the progress Frank and I were making, from barely civil to pseudo-newlyweds. We received plenty of smiles, and more than a few congratulations, as we made our way to a seat.

When I opened my bulletin, I had to repress a gasp. I ought to have expected it, I suppose, but I hadn't – right there in the order of service was an item for our ceremony: "Renewal of vows by Frank and Genesis Carter." I had never thought of the public nature of it, other than as a confession of faith and repentance before the people of God. That single line on paper brought it home to me – this was a thing as public as our wedding had been. The whole world would be watching, I suddenly felt, though I knew that this feeling was hardly accurate – the auditorium wouldn't contain the whole world, even if the fire marshal were willing to relax his regulations.

I felt a nudge from Frank's elbow. I looked up and he was grinning like a fool. "Don't tell me you forgot about this," he said, pointing at the offending line in the bulletin.

"No, I didn't forget – I just didn't expect it there in bald print like that."

"If I had the power to do it, I'd write it across the face of the Sandia Mountains. Genesis, if I was proud to marry you the first time, I am even more proud – and very humbled – to have the privilege of marrying you again here today."

"We're not remarrying, you know."

"Of course not. But in a sense we are. I was dead at our wedding, Gen. I'm alive now. You're going to make promises to a living man for the first time."

"Oh!" I hadn't thought of it that way. "Frank, that is so..."

"Overwhelming?"

"Beautiful ... it's so beautiful. You have risen from the dead, haven't you? And now I can make vows to someone who no longer stinks of death."

"I thought I was the theologian, Genesis."

I leaned my head against my husband's shoulder. "You are, Frank, and I'm happy to let you be. But seeing things in you is helping me understand them better when I read them in the Scripture."

"Then I suppose I'll just have to keep on being a Christian."

My words were fierce, but my voice was a contented murmur, and I didn't move my head. "You had better do that, Frank. I have no wish to live with a corpse again."

Frank's hand found mine, and his chuckle let me know he got the joke. And we had to suspend our fun there, for the piano began to play, and it was time to stand and sing praises to our God.

We did sing, too. My voice is merely average, but Frank's is a fine baritone, and since his conversion he sang with new passion – and new volume. I'd never heard him put as much sheer force into his singing as I had in the past month, and that morning it was as though he sought to convey his love for God to anyone who might be standing on Sandia Crest. No one minded – Frank wasn't the only one who sang loudly, and if some of the loud voices were less than perfectly musical, no one was going to complain. We all made a joyful noise, and if for some of us it was literally noise, it was also very joyful.

We heard a reading from the Bible, and the reader prayed. We sang again, and Tyrone stood and prayed, and began to preach. He'd chosen the passage from the fifth chapter of Ephesians which speaks so eloquently of marriage, and how Christ relates to the church, and how that divine relationship is the pattern for human marriage. Without giving away anything confidential, he used Frank and I as an example of how failing to follow God's teachings led to marital problems, and how returning to the Word of the Lord healed a marriage and made it stronger than before. He had, of course, asked our permission beforehand to name us, and we'd given it gladly; as Frank had said, if we could by our bad example persuade others to do well, then we ought to do so.

Of course the sermon was shorter that morning than usual, for there was a "wedding" to perform. When the concluding prayer ended, and Tyrone returned to the pulpit, my heart began to beat faster, and I gripped Frank's hand, suddenly sure that I was going to faint.

"Frank and Genesis, please come up to the front." It wasn't a sentence of death – it was exactly the opposite – but I found that I couldn't move. It wasn't until Frank tugged on my hand that I could rise, and the only thing that enabled me to walk down the aisle was his hand in mine. But we came to the front of the building, and stood there facing Tyrone.

"Genesis and Frank are not only my illustration today," he said to the congregation. "They are also here to renew their vows. Those vows underwent a severe strain over the past year or so. But they've emerged stronger – Genesis and Frank have emerged stronger. No one should have to endure what these two have endured, but since they did, the outcome is the ideal one – both are children of God, they love each other, and they wish to pledge before God and you all to be the husband and wife that God has called them to be."

He looked down at us. "Genesis?"

I looked at Frank, and he nodded. As I turned to face the congregation, Frank put his arm around me and held me close to his side. That simple, single gesture comforted me more than any words could have done, and assured me that he had forgiven me and received me fully into his heart.

"I won't go into details," I said, and to my surprise my voice was strong enough that I could have done without the microphone which I had taken, without noticing it, from someone. "But a year ago, a little over a year ago, I committed adultery. Frank and I were in another church then, and it's not practical for us to return there for me to confess to them the sin I committed. But you are the body of Christ, and God knows my heart.

"I was foolish enough to commit adultery, but God in His grace brought me to my senses, and I ended the affair, and confessed my sin to my husband. He will speak of his part in the year that followed; my confession is of my own faults. During that year, I forsook my friends, and I forsook the house of God and the people of God, and I even forsook God. I never ceased to believe in Him, but I stopped praying, I stopped going to church, I stopped reading the Bible. I came to the point of trying to kill myself.

"But God brought me out of that despair, and into joy, and today I'm going to pledge my love and fidelity to Frank. And this time there will be no breaches. I know – I said that the first time. I am very aware of how I promised to be faithful when we were married, and how that promise was broken. But that's my pledge to my husband, and to God, and to you."