Chapter 17

Perhaps Frank's conversion wasn't dramatic – though his admission that he wasn't a Christian, and his emotional breakdown, had been dramatic enough – but the change in him was certainly an attention-getter. He was still Frank Carter, just as I'd still been Genesis Halloran after my conversion years before. But he was – quite literally – a new and improved Frank Carter.

I'd seen conversions before. I could hardly have avoided them, being a pastor's wife. It may seem odd to say that a pastor who was not himself a Christian could lead others to the Lord, but it is the Word which has the power, and not the one who proclaims that Word. Frank may not have known by experience the saving grace of the Lord Jesus, but when he spoke the Word of God, the Spirit who inspired that Word applied it to people and I never doubted that at least some of them came to genuinely know Christ.

Yes, I'd seen conversions before, and I knew that coming to Christ is more than gaining access to heaven. It's a transformation. Jesus called it a new birth for a very good reason – it's the entrance to a new life. But what happened with Frank was, if not dramatic, then certainly distinctive. He didn't become perfect overnight, and I knew that he never would be perfect until He stood in the presence of his God. But the serenity that I saw on his face in Tyrone's office settled into his heart, and came out in his life, and even with all the pain he'd felt, and anger that it engendered, still trying to work their way out of his heart, that serenity was now the primary characteristic of my husband's nature.

I observed him with rising joy and amazement as the days went by. I said nothing at first – not because I doubted the power of God, but because after nine years I wanted to be sure that the "new" Frank was the real and lasting Frank. I believed that my husband was now a Christian – the hard part was believing that he hadn't previously been one – but I imbibed some of the attitude which Ronald Reagan had called "trust, but verify." I didn't doubt Frank's sincerity or his transformation, but I wanted to see how he met trials and tests before I spoke; I didn't want to speak prematurely.

When I did speak, I selected the venue very carefully. I decided to say my piece during a counseling session, for we had continued with those sessions. Our purpose, after all, was to heal our marriage, and while Frank's conversion was a glorious side benefit and would, I knew, help in the healing, it was after all a side benefit.

I had to work very hard not to make it seem like a special occasion. I found myself putting on jewelry that I never wore to our sessions, and having to hurriedly strip it off and put it away lest Frank wonder why I was taking such pains. I had to start my makeup twice before I got it right – enough to enhance my features, but not enough to appear as though I thought it a special occasion. I had to force myself to put on an ordinary pair of jeans and a common white t-shirt.

When we got to Tyrone's office, I had to almost clamp myself onto the chair with my hands, a la Jane Eyre in the Red Room. My excitement was mounting and I was afraid it would give me away. And, in fact, that was exactly what happened, but it proved to be all right.

Tyrone leaned back in his chair – he always leaned back in his chair – and said, "Genesis, you're going to explode if I don't let you say something, so go right ahead."

I could no longer contain myself – I smiled a very large smile. "Tyrone, I've been biting my tongue more and more this past month. And now I'm not going to bite it any longer." I turned to my husband. "Frank, last month you trusted the Lord, and I immediately saw a change. You truly are a new creation in Christ. The old things really have passed away and there is so much new in you that I can hardly catalog it. You're still you, Frank, and as a Christian myself I can guess that when you look within you see plenty that still needs improvement. But from my side of the marriage, Frank, I have to tell you that it's like I have a brand new husband." My tears were flowing now, but my smile was in place, as broad as ever. I took Frank's hands in mine. "I loved you before, with your tendency toward coldness and your rigidity and your readiness to judge. I would have sworn I could never love you more than I did. But I would have been wrong. I love you so much more now. You are the man of my dreams, Frank Carter, and I have a proposition for you."

Frank's cheeks were also wet, one of the signs of his new life. Before he never would have permitted himself to cry unchecked, or to keep his hands in mine without wiping away the tears. I leaned forward and kissed him on the lips, and it was not a timid or short kiss. "We married each other for love, and except during those months when nothing was normal, I have never regretted it. But things are brand new, now – especially for you. And I would like us to marry each other all over again – to renew our vows to each other."

Now Frank did free one of his hands, but not to wipe away his tears. Instead he wiped away mine, and ran his fingers along my cheek and down my throat. "Genesis, are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

I leaned into his palm, which was now on my cheek. "I have promised you privately, and I mean it, that I will never betray you again. God is my witness to that promise. But I want to promise you that publicly, with God's church as witnesses. I made a public promise once, and I broke it, and nearly destroyed you and nearly destroyed myself and nearly destroyed our marriage. My sorrow for what I did is so great that I can't adequately express it. But Christ has forgiven me for that, and for all I did which sprang from that. And He's forgiven you for the sinful things my adultery drove you to. We're both in a new life now, one that began right here in this office. And I want to begin our marriage anew as well."

I wasn't sure how well I was expressing myself, for I was crying steadily and my voice was choked, and I wasn't thinking in the clear intellectual way that Frank had been used to his whole life. But it seemed that he understood me perfectly. Both his hands now held my face, and he in his turned kissed me, as passionately as he'd ever kissed me in the 15 years we'd known each other. "I don't see any need to do this, Gen – except that you want to do it. That's need enough for me. I'll be glad to help you finish your repentance ... for that's what you're doing, isn't it?"

He had indeed understood me, and I smiled and wept even more at that realization. "Yes, Frank, that's exactly it. Thank you for being so kind ... so gracious."

"I love you, Gen. That's all there is to it." And he kissed me again, and pulled me nearly out of my chair into a warm and protective hug.

When he released me he turned to Tyrone – I had forgotten that the pastor was in the room with us. I turned too, and saw that Tyrone had a huge grin on his face.

"I take it, then," Tyrone said, "that we pretty much don't need these sessions anymore."

Frank answered that one. "From March to September – that's a long time, six months. Half a year we've been in your office every week. It's been hard work, and I'm sure it's been hard on you, especially when I've tried to intimidate you ... though I've never seen anyone harder to intimidate."

"You can't scare me," Tyrone said, still grinning, "because I serve the Lord – and because I'm married to Patricia Wheat, and the fear of that woman overshadows any fear of you I might have."

Frank grinned – the first outright grin I'd ever seen on his face. "I suppose I'm lucky to have such a gentle wife," he said. "No, not lucky – blessed. I'm blessed to have Genesis for my wife, even if she doesn't keep me in line." His face was somber for a minute, though still with that peace that had been there since his conversion. "But you heard what Gen and I said. Would you be willing to perform the ceremony?"

"You have to ask?" he said, and chuckled. "You couldn't stop me from doing it if you tried to have a team of mules drag me away."

"Then if you could arrange it as soon as possible, Gen and I would be very grateful." He looked at me for confirmation.

I was glad to give it. I nodded, and then said, "Please, just as soon as you can do it. We had the white dress and the maids of honor and all that at our wedding. What we need now is each other, and a man to perform the ceremony, and the Lord to give His blessing – nothing more. And we've got all that, so there's nothing to plan."

"Well, not quite nothing," Frank said. "We need to at least decide on a day and time."

We were all silent for a moment, each no doubt thinking of possibilities. I know I was, and I was the first to speak. "Why don't we do it at the end of a Sunday service? I can't think of a better time to publicly confess my repentance and faith, and to pledge my love to you."

Frank looked at Tyrone, who nodded. "Sure, we can do that. And I know that I don't have anything to prevent that for the next three Sundays. Name a date in those three weeks, and it's yours."

Frank looked at me, and he didn't need to speak. I knew what he wanted, and I took his hand and nodded. He turned back to Tyrone and spoke without hesitation. "A week from tomorrow, then. That's when we want to do it."

And again tears spilled down my cheeks, and Frank's too, as we turned to each other and held on with all the love that was in us.

A week from tomorrow couldn't come fast enough. I truthfully hadn't been so nervous since our wedding, nine years before. And Frank was nervous too – as I could see, since the wall he'd hidden his feelings behind was now rubble. I didn't think he'd ever be as prone to emotional swings, or effusive display, as I am, but he no longer pretended that he was emotionless. He fidgeted – Frank Carter, the iron man, fidgeted! – and I found myself having to calm him down. It was a deliciously different state of affairs, for as much as I craved his protection, it was nice being in better control and being able to offer a steadiness that he, for once, lacked.