Chapter 21: Mobile Home

Posted: July 04, 2011 - 02:37:04 pm

Dexter and Eric were having their weekly Wednesday meeting, via video conferencing. Dexter was at his office while Eric was at his. The most recent article had been about employee benefits. Basically, it discussed how to find out exactly what benefits one had, as an employee.

Companies, upon hiring people, gave them a detailed description of the job benefits. However, over time, those benefits changed. Announcements concerning the incremental changes in benefits were delivered to employees, but the writing was typically small, and couched in language that didn’t really communicate the full extent of the change. Established employees never a received a detailed package of the total benefits that were available to them.

This issue had come to light when Dexter had had a conversation with someone at the steakhouse he frequented. A man who had been with a company for twenty years, had been shocked to discover that he didn’t have nearly the benefits that he had believed. Several of the plans had changed over the years, while some things had been dropped. Others had been added, without him being signed up for them. He hadn’t been aware that he’d have had to enroll in some of the new benefits.

The company the man worked for had transitioned to a website for employee benefits. This sounded good, except that it allowed the company to make changes without explicitly advertising what was changing. People only visited the website when they had a problem with a benefit. When a benefit was discontinued, a small announcement was put on the page, for a very short period of time. They also removed all links to the discontinued benefit. Once the original announcement had been on the page long enough, legally, the announcement was moved to an archive arranged by date. To discover that it had ever existed, would require going through the archives month by month. It would be buried among all kinds of ‘important’ announcements, such as a news blurb that some particular date was national wart day.

The only real advice that Dexter could suggest, was to schedule monthly visits to the benefits website. The person should be prepared to spend four hours on the website, since there was a lot of information that could be stashed away on hidden webpages. If necessary, the browser could be set to increase the font size for easier reading.

So far, the reaction to the article had been lukewarm, at best. Dexter knew that people either felt very strongly about this subject, or not. He had never really been the kind who had tracked his job benefits with the diligence required, mostly because he was too busy to spend the time on it. That lack had burned him, several times, in the past.

Having dealt with the latest article, Dexter said, “How about we tackle the problem of companies trying to raise capital from employees, by selling discounted deferred stock options?”

“I remember that debacle,” Eric said.

Shortly after Eric and Dexter had left, the company had tried to raise capital by selling stock options that could be exercised after six months. The options had been sold at ten dollars a share below the current market prices. By the time six months had passed, the stock cost less by purchasing them on the stock exchange, than by using the options. Some people were still holding onto the options, hoping that one day they would be worth something.

Dexter said, “People should be aware that when a company turns to raising money from its employees, it’s because real investors wouldn’t touch it with a ten-foot pole.”

“Okay, I’ll get started on that article,” Eric said.

Dexter asked, “Have you heard anything from our guys at Daimler Plastics?”

Eric said, “I talked with John, yesterday. The guys have finished the Daimler job. Yesterday was their last day, there.”

“That’s good,” Dexter said. “Is Daimler pleased?”

“Yes, I would say so. John ended up saving them over twenty million in license fees,” Eric said. “Daimler gave him a ten percent commission. John is beside himself.”

“I think John may be able to start his own company. Software license auditing,” Dexter said.

“That’s not a bad idea. I’ll mention it to him,” Eric said.

“I guess everyone is happy.”

“Daimler is cleaning house, today, based on the report that we sent him last week,” Eric said. “He’s having a few difficulties.”

“What kind of difficulties?” Dexter asked.

Eric said, “Some of them are demanding their ‘golden parachutes.’ Apparently, they can’t be fired for incompetence, without getting millions of dollars in compensation.”

“Some of them broke the law,” Dexter said.

Eric said, “They are all lawyered up, so who knows.”

“I bet Daimler is happy about that,” Dexter said sarcastically.

Eric said, “He wants to talk to you this afternoon.”

Dexter had never wanted to get involved in the Daimler mess. He had mentioned putting a couple of guys into management positions thinking that Ed Daimler would take care of it. Instead, Daimler had turned it around and given Dexter the problem. The old man was pretty convincing.

Dexter made the call to Ed Daimler. He expected to get a secretary, but Ed answered right away.

“Hello, Dexter.”

“Hello, Ed,” Dexter said.

Ed said, “Dexter, I’ve got a problem.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Dexter said.

“Those bastards won’t leave unless I pay them to leave,” Ed said. “I’ll be damned if I’m going to pay them for screwing up my company.”

“Then don’t get rid of them,” Dexter said.

“I’m not going to keep them,” Ed said. “I can’t have a vice-president of finance who’s playing games with the books.”

“So don’t let him near the books,” Dexter said.

“He’s the Vice President of Finance,” Ed said.

Dexter answered, “That’s a job title. Send out a statement from the board that there is a new position, the Vice Dictator of Finance, who has the responsibilities that were formerly associated with the Vice President of Finance. Put a new person in that position.”

“What about the bastard?”

“Announce that the new responsibilities of the Vice President of Finance will now be as the greeter at the front door, or cleaning toilets with a tooth brush,” Dexter answered.

“Dexter, I love the way you think.”

Dexter said, “Make the official uniform of the job, a tutu.”

Ed burst out laughing. After half a minute, Dexter could imagine tears coming down his face from the laughter.

“I owe you big time,” Ed said, just before hanging up.

Dexter was in his apartment several days later, watching the business news on TV. There was a segment on humiliating incompetent executives. They were showing clips of executives at the doors to various Daimler Plastics locations, shaking the hands of people arriving at work. The initial humiliation of being reduced to the position of greeter had not been sufficient to make them resign. Nor was it sufficient to get news coverage.

Getting business programs to pick up the story had required an appearance by Ed Daimler, on a business show. It had been his announcement that after discussions with the corporate lawyers, it had been determined that the company could make tutus the official uniforms for all individuals whose duties were as door greeters.

Ed had even brought a visual aid: an actor he had hired to demonstrate the costume. The actor was a rather burly looking individual, and he looked totally ridiculous wearing the pink tutu. It appeared that the actor was having fun. He kept dancing across the set in his tutu.