Chapter 8: Attack on the Outhouse

Jason had stood in the background, quiet as a shadow. He looked at me with a very troubled expression on his face. "Whoa, it was no trick, was it? It was for real. It was for real, wasn't it?"

"Yup," I answered him. "It was for real."

"Ah," he said. He was careful to pick his words. "Then those kids I saw on television were the real deal. Right?"

"Yup," I answered.

"You're not a fake, then. You really are some kind of holy Joe?" He had a problem standing in the presence of holiness.

"Look, you want to know something?" I asked him.

"Yeah, what?"

"I am not now nor have I ever been a holy Joe, as you call it. I am not a prophet of God, whoever he is, nor am I a member of any priesthood. I am a fairly successful vendor on the Internet who has somehow had something happen to him. I don't know what causes this and I would like to know. So please, just protect me from the bad guys and the nuts."

Chastened, he answered with a friendly, "I can do it."

My cell phone started to chirp. "Hello?" I answered it.

A deep voice on the other end said, "This is Sergeant Haines of the Provo Police Department. I would like to speak to Forrest Eden."

"You got him, Sergeant, how may I help you?"

"I have a complaint you are stalking a young girl on line. I would like to hear what you have to say. Just what is going on here?" I could hear the stiff anger hammering at me over the phone.

"Hold on a minute, Sergeant, no one has knowingly stalked anyone from this household. I appreciate how Posy is being very careful here. But all I have done is to invite the children of the group home to come out here to my place, escorted of course. They will pet wild animals and go on a hayride. I'll send a limo to pick them up and bring them back."

"Well, first off, Mister Eden, it was not the group home mother who lodged the complaint. We monitor all emails to and from the library in order to protect the children who use the computers from predators."

"I don't know if I am comfortable with this sort of monitoring." I stressed the word to express my disapproval. "But I am in sympathy with the sentiments behind it. But believe me, I am not a freak who chases after kids. In fact, I extend the invitation to you and your family to come along too."

I heard him sigh and then he replied, "Yeah, I think I'll take you up on your offer. When do you want to hold this bash? I'll bring my fiancé along too."

"How about this coming Saturday? My fiancée, Rachel Nelson, will make the arrangements. We can pick up everybody at the group home and bring him or her all out here. Have Posy call me and we'll set a time for the pick up."

"There is one thing I must insist on, though," I added as an afterthought.

Even over the phone I heard his guard come back up. "What?" he asked.

"I would as soon you don't go mentioning this to anybody, I have enough notoriety and don't want any more. Just let the kids have their fun without the press involved."

"Why sure." Then he asked, "Just what do you get out of all this? A chauffeured limousine is not cheap."

"Would you believe it seems like the thing to do?" I asked him.

"Okay, what next?" The man sounded right friendly by then.

"I'll wait for Posy and Rachel to talk and make the arrangements.

"I did my part and gave the invitation. Now Rachel can do her part, which is all the work to set things up."

He chuckled and said, "I'm at the group home right now. I'll let Posy and Rachel do all the arranging. See you Saturday." The phone went dead for a moment.

"Hello?" I heard Posy's voice say.

"Just a second and I'll give you to Rachel." I handed the phone over and sighed.

Jason and the other men stared at me. "You know, you're a nice guy," he told me. It felt better than anything said to me in the past few days. For some reason those words took away a lot of the frustration built up inside me.

"Thank you," I answered.

"Oh," she said. I kissed her and returned to the kitchen.

"Jason, come on down to the basement and I'll show you where the water and electric setups are. The drain line will be a booger. While your men set up the services to your mobile home, I'll go to Coalville for more heat tape for the drain line. It will be completely above ground until spring thaw." I pointed out where the potable water hose was and showed Jason how to plug in the heat tape after the water line was connected. Two men dragged out the water hose and two more hefted the reel of electric line.

"I want to go with you, Forrest," Rachel said and grabbed her coat. I grabbed mine on the way out to warm up my old Ford. A minute of running at fast idle and we were ready to roll, complete with the guard Jason insisted follow us in his car.

When we stopped in front of the hardware store, Rachel hopped out and hurried inside. I locked the car and followed. As I entered, I nodded to the familiar faces. Everyone stopped and stared at us. This was very disconcerting. I began to understand why celebrities became so antisocial after a while.

I paid for the rolls of heat tape while Rachel ordered rabbit pellets for our growing menagerie. "I'll pay for it now and you deliver it tomorrow if you would please," She told the person waiting on her.

We walked out together and got back in my old Bronco. "What's the matter with those people?" Rachel asked.

"It's what fame will do to relationships. We're the same, but people's perceptions of us have changed." I backed out of our parking place and pointed the car toward home. "Let's go for a walk this evening after dark."

"I'd like that, Forrest, we haven't had much quality time together since you started to do miracles."

"Now don't you start in on any 'miracle' stuff lady. Even if you're joking, it's no joking matter." I felt very uncomfortable when the word 'miracle' was associated with my name.

"Who's joking? I'm not. You're the only one who refuses to see the miraculousness of what you have been doing." I didn't answer. If Rachel, the one person who knew me best insisted on using the "m" word, I could not stop others from doing the same.

It occurred to me that evening how most people are desperate to believe in something greater than they are. It applies to me as well. I'd like to have something to believe in. But I refused to believe in anything just to believe.

But I stopped there; I did not have the arrogance to create a God just so I would have one. I wanted to wait and to try to learn. Too many others were willing to accept some self-appointed messiah or religious leader to spoon-feed them the Truth with a capital tee. I preferred to wait for a greater, verifiable part of whatever truth I was able to learn.

As soon as we got home, slowly driving through the people walking alongside the road, veering out in front of us and generally making navigation dangerous, I saw a new wrinkle. Protesters, complete with placards stood across our drive. Now this I could handle, I figured. I drove on by and turned off the road as soon as the fence turned. I put my ugly old red beast in four-wheel drive and headed out through the trampled snow.

As soon as we got to the back gate I jumped out and opened the second gate half and motioned for Rachel to drive on through. Our bodyguard followed. Jason met us as I closed the gate again. "I started to get a little concerned. From now on neither of you go anywhere without an escort. I hoped for a couple of days to set things up. It looks like I don't get my wish."

"Why? Do you think we're in a lot of danger?" Rachel asked innocently.

"Lady, you have no idea the danger you are in. I didn't realize the threat level you faced until I saw some familiar faces in the crowd this afternoon."

"Familiar faces?" I asked, "What do you mean?"

"There are certain groups of people who, usually for religious or political reasons latch onto various events or people to further their own agendas. Some nuts from PETA and a couple of the Green Societies are out there, along with the Earth First zealots." Tomorrow I intend to go into Salt Lake City and get our federal licenses to carry concealed registered. Whoever accompanies you will be armed."

"Oh," I said.

"Ah," Rachel said.

"Let's go wrap the drain line with the heat tape and make another pot of coffee. I believe we need to call in the law." I had trouble with the idea Rachel and I were in grave danger.

Jason nodded and I drove the Ford around to the front of the house. Rachel went inside while Jason and I carried the two big rolls of heat tape around the corner to the south side of the house and began to wrap the drain line from the mobile home to the clean out where it was attached to the house drain system.

"Can your drain system handle the extra use?" Jason asked.

"It would take Noah's flood to overwhelm what I have," I laughed. "The old outhouse sits over an older mine shaft of some sort. The house drain angles into it. The shaft drops down who knows how far, then it drains off to somewhere toward the center of the Earth. The only thing is I don't know where it all drains to so please don't dump any toxic chemicals down there."

"All the comforts of home." Jason grinned and we plugged in the heat tape. "We will need a bigger hot water tank, Ten men can use up fifty gallons of water just shaving."

"I have just the answer," I told him. "Let's go back into town and make a run to the hardware store again. I sold them a few little gizmos that would fit right in with our present needs, on demand water heaters. A while back I noticed the Hardware store carries them as a regular item now."