Chapter 10: Arrested Near the Outhouse

I woke up the next morning not feeling brave at all. I was afraid and had nothing to be afraid of. After all I was in the right and had done nothing wrong, so what did I have to be afraid of? For one thing I was afraid to be arrested for starters. It was not so much the inconvenience of it all as I was afraid of the bogeyman, of the unknown. I was also afraid of the powerlessness a person feels when he to follow another person's orders or face the penalties.

I got up early and showered, quickly dressed, and, of course, I put on a fresh pot of coffee. I walked outside to greet the sunrise. It jolted me to suddenly realize Christmas was just three weeks away and I had not gotten a present for Rachel yet.

The previous year I gave her a potted plant, among other things. It was a shoot of bamboo, which had barely started to take root. It lived for a couple of months and died. I wondered what had ever happened to it. I thought it would be nice if I could give it life again. It surprised me, as I began to realize how easily I began to accept these new but oh-so-strange powers. After a period of denial, I had come to accept and now felt comfortable with these powers.

My favorite mooches and their babies came up to me. I petted them and had all four nuzzle me. "Just a minute, you guys," I told them and hurried back into the house. I brought out a handful of dried apples and passed them out. Even the two fawns were at the stage where, though they weren't weaned, wanted solid food. They liked to nibble on the fruit. The guard at the back gate watched and smiled. These guys usually guarded cash transfers, and high security buildings for Ralph. They all loved their new assignment out of doors where the air was clean. This was much different from New York City where they usually worked.

The people up on the road watched in silence. They knew I was scheduled to be arrested and were curious to see what happened next. I ignored them and went to the shed where I stored the rabbit mix and removed a bag. I barely dumped out on the ground when rabbits, both domestic and wild scurried up. The deer began the serious business of eating and even the mamma skunk and her two demanded their share.

Different birds, native to this part of Utah, quickly fluttered down and pecked at the crumbs. The pellets were too large for most of them to handle. The weasel was missing. Then I remembered he had adopted Nancy. I smiled at how instant love sprang up between the animal and the young girl I couldn't help. I read somewhere how weasels are very affectionate creatures.

Then on impulse I touched some denuded sumac bushes. People exclaimed in amazement as the dead plants came to life. The gawkers gawked and took pictures as the sumac grew. I went over to the outhouse and opened the door. I looked inside for some clue as to what this was all about. No inspiration from the outhouse came to me. Someone snapped a picture of me as I stared inside the old outhouse. A newspaper printed it titled "A Prophet Ponders." I wondered when I saw the picture a week later what I was supposed to be "ponder" while staring inside an old privy? Perhaps I pondered existential bowel movements.

Just as I turned away I heard the dreaded words, "Forrest Eden, aka whatever other aliases you have I place you under arrest."

Wait a minute; they weren't supposed to be here until ten o'clock. They were an hour early. "Hey, I thought you people planned to bushwhack me at ten. What's the deal?"

"Sorry we didn't adhere to your schedule, we have one of our own." The speaker was a skinny, pot-bellied woman in a pants suit. The tight legs and too tight vest gave her the appearance of an ostrich, what with her long knobby legs, long neck, round body and small head with its red watery eyes. "Place your hands behind your back."

"Aren't you supposed to present me with the warrant for my arrest?" I asked her.

"I don't need a warrant to take some scumbag like you into custody." One of the two uniformed cops accompanying her grabbed me around the neck and threw me to the ground, burying my face in the snow. My arms were jerked behind my back and I felt the handcuffs as they were snapped on.

"Hey. Let the man up. This is private property and you have no legal right to be here without a warrant. Even the district attorney's office has heard rumors of due process." The last voice I expected to hear was Bill's. But it was he in the flesh, all angry and argumentative.

"Who do you think you are?" the very angry assistant DA asked.

"Technically I am a police officer on paid leave. Actually I am the new head of Mister Eden's security and I tell you right now you have limited choices. The first is to release him forthwith. The second one is to produce your court order or arrest warrant. The third is to try to kidnap him and take him by force and get shot. Those guards at each end of the house have guns aimed in your direction."

One of the uniformed cops who came with the ostrich lady reached for his sidearm and stopped after a shot was fired and snow kicked up between his legs. Slowly his hand returned to his side. Bill came up to me and pulled out his own handcuff key and released me. I stepped back and let out the breath I had held for the longest time.

"Now, let's see the arrest warrant," Bill was all business. Suddenly I realized my impulsive act when I hired him the previous evening turned out to be the smartest thing I could have done.

"You're just a security guard here, a rent-a-cop. Since when do security guards practice law?" The "ostrich lady," as I had started to think of her, was not about to back off.

Bill snorted his contempt, "I am not practicing law, and I am his bodyguard. I advise him to step away from you characters so he doesn't get blood splashed on him when we shoot you for trespassing, and attempted kidnap."

"Uh, Bill... ," I tried to speak.

"Shut up," he interrupted. "These clowns have no warrant. I have a hunch they forgot to ask a pet judge 'pretty please' in their hurry to get out here early and harass you. They have no authority in this county without proper paperwork. The Salt Lake District Attorney's office has no authority in another county in instances such as this. These two fugitives from Dunkin' Doughnuts are trespassers because they are Salt Lake, strictly. They aren't even assigned to the DA's office. He spat contemptuously between the two unhappy cops.

"Beat it," he told them. Just then another shot sounded, then a scream. I looked at where the scream came from and saw the hatchet faced Janet Worley standing, frozen with fear, her clenched hands pressed against her temples. A dazed cameraman stood nearby, holding the handle attached to a now destroyed camera. I thought the rifle shot I heard was one of Jason's men putting the camera out of order.

Before things could be ratcheted up another notch, we heard a helicopter approach. I looked up as a large machine slowly settled just outside the back gate. Ralph bounded out. He still looked like a chubby rubber gangster doll. Six suited men followed. "Hey, it looks like I almost missed out on all the excitement. What happened to your ten o'clock appointment with destiny?" he asked.

"The Ostrich Lady there decided to hurry things up and seems to have messed up badly." I smiled and the assistant DA frowned. "What do I do now, Ralph?"

A big man who looked all the world like a rumpled bear ambled up and stated simply, "Voluntarily place yourself in these people's custody and God help the bungling idiot who so much as musses your hair. These people are bigger fools than New Jersey politicians." I figured this had to be Abe Goldman.

"Who do you think you are?" the assistant DA demanded.

"To start with, I know who I am, no thought necessary. I am Abraham Goldman the Fourth, attorney at law and licensed to practice in the state of Utah and all other states and territories of this, our fair land.

"Now, Mister Eden has agreed you may take him into custody at this time to prevent further altercations. He does not relinquish any of his constitutional rights, neither those explicitly enumerated in the Constitution of the United States nor implied by those idiots who sit in judgment on the Supreme Court. I shall accompany him through the booking process and demand to be present at any and all questioning." I was glad this guy was on my side. He was scary.

"I want the person who fired that shot arrested," the assistant DA screeched. I don't need no stinkin' warrant to arrest the shooter."

"Oh, was it a shot we just heard?" Bill asked and turned to Jason, "Did it sound like a shot to you, Jason?"

"Mercy me, William, I do believe it might have been a shot. Did you fire a shot?" Jason was the picture of innocent ignorance.

"Perhaps it was a police officer who fired the shot, shall we investigate?" Bill played along with the charade.

"I demand all your black uniformed goons take a paraffin test right now."

"Well I didn't hear any shot," Abe Goldman stated. "And who are you, ugly little person?"

"I am Brenda Hogben, assistant District Attorney." Her puffy eyes glittered pure hatred at my lawyer.

"Oh, then you must be Hosmer's wife." Unnoticed by me, Rachel had quietly joined us. She smiled her sweetest saccharine smile.

"He's my cousin," Brenda Hogben muttered darkly.

"Poor dear," Rachel started in on her again, "Then there are no legally eligible men suitable for marriage within your reach. I hope you're not spreading your wings to indulge in intra-familial indulgences." Her synthetic sympathy was almost too much for Brenda.

"Just wait until we have you alone," she muttered darkly at me.

"I heard your threat," Abe stated loudly. "My client shall ride with us in the limousine waiting out front. I fear for his safety if he is in your hands." He motioned to me and we all walked together around to the front of the house. There, to my surprise were two limos waiting. I decided Ralph must have ordered them.

"Stay here, sweetheart," I told Rachel when she started to get in the lead car with us. "You keep things going here. You wouldn't be able to do anything in Salt Lake but be in danger." She showed her reluctance as she nodded and backed away.

Jackson Parker hurried up to us. "Let me ride along, please. We have everything on camera and going out live feed, including the threats, the attempts to kidnap you and all the rest. Somehow we missed the part where the camera belonging to Ms. Worley's television station was damaged slightly. It was a terrible thing to have happen."

I heard his unspoken message. They had the marksman who shot the camera out of the other person's hand on disk. I said, "Better let him and his cameraman come along for the ride, we have nothing to hide."

With a mean glint in his eye, Abe agreed, "Why not?" He nodded and Jackson Parker and his cameraman got in with us. What we didn't know at the time was Jackson had a second cameraman in the background to cover his coverage of the events. He wanted to be doubly sure he got it all. It turned out to be a great thing for our side.

Abe proceeded to ignore Jackson and his cameraman and began to give me instructions. "No matter what happens, try your best to comply with all legal orders given you once you are arrested and booked. I can't believe the amateurish way the authorities have conducted this whole matter. There is no proof of any wrongdoing on your part I can find anywhere. Why is there a vendetta against you?" He looked straight at me as he waited for an answer.

Then I understood, Abe was not ignoring the camera, he was performing in front of it. "Mister Goldman, I have no idea why these people are after me like they are. I helped some kids become healed. Nothing more." I did my best to sound innocent and bewildered. "The only other thing I did was to pay for a bunch of kids out of a group home to go on a hay ride and I fed them hot dogs and pizza. I don't think it's a crime yet to give someone a hotdog. After all, I'm not Michael Jackson and they weren't little boys."

"I understand," he told me sympathetically, "But what about all those allegations you plied the children with drink?"

It jolted me. "What? What are you talking about? All I did was to give them hot apple juice with cinnamon sticks and a dab of whipped cream on top. Who says I fed those kids booze?" I was about ready to punch someone in the nose. "You find out who claimed I did anything improper and you go after them any way you can. I am sick and tired of nasty people who do not know me or anything about me try to brand me a phony and a freak." I was mad.

"You know how these stories get started. But as a religious figure, you have to expect some sort of character assassination."

"You stop right there with any religion stuff. I am not religious to any great degree. I claim no pipeline to the Almighty. I am not a holy man. I am a plain old everyday person who has had something remarkable happen to him and I can't explain it. So I don't try."

Abe nodded. Suddenly the driver braked hard and we screeched to a fast stop. The door on my side was jerked open. A uniformed cop peered in and said, "Forrest Eden, get out of there right now. You are in the city limits and you are ours." He grabbed me by the arm and dragged me out. I fell face down on the pavement. My forehead smacked the hard surface of the street and I saw stars.

I tried to twist around and heard, "He's trying to escape." Then all was darkness. I woke up hours later in great pain. I tried to sit up and couldn't. One arm and leg burned with agony. I was in a jail cell of some sort. I was bleeding and couldn't breathe through my nose. My head pounded and I couldn't think. "Ough." I grunted and lay still, as I drifted in and out of consciousness.