Chapter 19

I hold it true, whatever befall
I feel it when I sorrow most
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all
Alfred Tennyson

Lodi Memorial Park. Christmas Day 2019

This place looks exactly the same as on that day ... Has it really been five years since I first visited Jacob ... and unbeknownst to me, Jessica? I’m convinced it was his spirit and a farm-scarred white truck that guided me to this quiet place. The events of that day are etched in my memory – I sat on that cold marble bench in Jessica’s clothes and poured out my story to Jacob. It was the day I met Sandy Thompson, Joe Foss and Keri Anderson, and the day I became Jessica Brandt. Even the weather is much the same – cool, cloudy with rain threatening. Like now, the grass and the trees and shrubs were all dormant waiting for the new life of spring. As was I.

Jessica smiled. And that day was just the start of many conversations with Jacob ... and Jessica.

Her thoughts turned serious again. I was just Kate Brice, a frightened young woman who had been on the run for three years. I was dormant, too, until I found Jacob, and then Sandy Thompson appeared and suddenly the community embraced me as Jessica, Jacob’s granddaughter. I was so afraid and uncertain. I asked myself if I could continue the charade and become part of this community, not just some young woman who had wandered in, but an heir to the legacy of Jacob.

But I didn’t think I could handle it – Jacob’s granddaughter? A new driver’s license, some cash in my wallet, a stylish haircut, and my own lawyer did not make me Jessica Brandt. It was too much too quickly. I was afraid and so before dawn the next morning I fled to the truck stop where it had all started. She brushed a tear, as her thoughts went back to the meeting with the stranger in the darkness outside the truck stop café.

The man I thought of as a kindly trucker found me sobbing in the darkness and told me about Robert Burns and how love found and lost was better than never having known love, and how taking a chance on failure was better than never trying. It was impossible, but I know it was Jacob. He gave me his handkerchief and then disappeared.

Thank you, Jacob. She sighed, stifling a sob, and took Jacob’s handkerchief from her bag.

“You okay, Ms. Brandt?”

Kasrin was driving the black, lightly-armored Suburban. The family now had two of them. The dark-haired young woman was her security detail for today. She was dressed in jeans and a sweater, shoulder holster covered by an open denim jacket with a shearling collar. Xena insisted on calling them security, not bodyguards. She had explained that bodyguard was too crude a term for the highly-trained professionals that protected the members of the Brandt/Willets household.

Throat too constricted to answer, Jessica simply nodded as she ran her fingers over Jacob’s embroidered initials, before wiping her eyes. It was a constant reminder of the man and her vow to never let him down.

It would be more fitting if we were in Jacob’s white truck – the truck I drove that day and every Christmas thereafter in memory of my benefactor and his granddaughter, but Tomás owns it now. He takes good care of it and I still see it almost every day, doing its chores around the farm. But since the events of last Christmas – events? How’s that for a euphemism for murder and attempted kidnapping? – we are a lot more ‘security conscious,’ and I don’t go anywhere without my security detail. Sad...

I guess I could have insisted on the black truck. Xena would have objected, and where it comes to my security, and Jenny’s, Harrison backs her up, but that option was off the table once Essie borrowed it last night to drive up to Red Bluff for Christmas at the Magdalena School.

She smiled slightly. I offered the BMW. Essie did hesitate for a few seconds, seeming pleased by the offer, but then she turned me down. ‘Thanks, but I’m just a ranch girl who grew up around trucks. I promise I’ll take good care of it.’ Next summer she’ll be an intern designing and building rockets down in Texas for Elon Musk. I expect her first car will be one of Elon’s trucks.

Even after all this time, and all the miles that I, and various members of the household have put on it, I still consider it Jacob’s truck.

Her smile broadened as she pictured a recent conversation with her daughter. Daughter? Yes, absolutely. Jenny is my daughter too. Everyone in town knows Jenny has two moms.

Actually more ... Valeria, Natalie, Rashmi, Jo Archer, Maria, Bonnie Moore, Xena, every member of La Banda Sage, and our security detail. And Dads? Oh yes. Harrison has lots of competition. And now Case Reynolds is at the top of that list of competitors!

I asked her once if she ever felt overwhelmed by all the people watching over her. She gave me a look that only a pre-teen could manage while unsuccessfully trying to hide the thought I was asking such a stupid question. She nicely put me in my place when she replied, ‘Can anyone ever get too much love?’ Ah, from the mouths of babes ... at least, pre-teens...

Where was I going with this train of thought? Oh, right – the black truck. Jenny has already made it clear that once she’s old enough to drive, it will be her truck. It will be, too – Jacob would approve.

Her smile disappeared, as she looked over at Kasrin and saw she had her ‘security’ face on as she swiveled her head, alert for any threat. And now because I’m so important, wealthy? Vulnerable in a crazy world? I always have – despite my protestations - a member of my security team with me. I survived three years on the road without one, but I was more cautious, tougher maybe, and a nobody. Now I’m a wife and a businesswoman, and a mom, always on the go and on my phone, and my situational awareness isn’t the same. And after what happened to Juliet Reynolds and Valeria...

She shook her head.

Kasrin isn’t just an employee, she’s a member of the household, even though I can’t get her to call me Jessica. I’d be devastated if something happened to her, or Xena, Olivia, Zia, or any member of the team.

I asked Dmitri about that one time when I was visiting Chicago. He knows and cares about every member of his far-flung, now international, staff, but he warned me that the reason security work is in such demand is because there are all kinds of bad people who would think nothing of harming others for a host of reasons, real or imagined. It’s the job of security to prevent that, even if it means sacrificing their lives. He’s lost some of his people over the years. Each was a tragedy that affected him deeply.

I know about ‘bad people.’ She pictured her uncle. He was a threat to me and my family. The world is a better place without him.

She quickly quashed that vision and turned back to Kasrin.

“Sorry to drag you out on Christmas.”

Kasrin didn’t say anything while she parked the SUV. The only other vehicle in the smaller parking lot near the columbarium was a dark green Range Rover. Jessica knew the owner.

After she shut off the engine, she turned to Jessica. “Ms. Brandt...”

Oh, oh, I’m in for it now! They’d had this conversation before. Jessica struggled to keep a straight face, and before Kasrin could go on she interrupted, “Ms. Brandt, it’s my job, and you are my employer ... and if anything happened to you, I’d be out of a job, to say nothing of having to answer to Harrison, Jenny, and worst of all, Xena.”

Jessica grinned at the shocked look on Kasrin’s face. “Did I get it right?”

As she got out of the truck, Kasrin shook her head and mumbled something about not being paid enough, and good luck if I ever called Ms. Skarlatos, ‘Xena.’

Jessica tried without success to hide her smile as she waited for her guardian to complete her security check. She really liked and admired Kasrin, but sometimes she just couldn’t resist teasing her a bit.

Kasrin examined the area and then disappeared inside the columbarium. A short time later she reappeared and came down the path, still looking around.

Kasrin opened the door to the SUV and nodded the all-clear.

As she got out Jessica touched Kasrin’s arm. “Thank you ... for all you do.”

She was rewarded when Kasrin nodded and a slight smile broke through her ‘security detail’ facade.

“See you in about thirty minutes.”

“I’ll be here.”

Jessica knew Kasrin wouldn’t intrude on her private time, but she wouldn’t be in the truck either. She’ll spend the time outside in the December weather doing what Xena called ‘walking the security perimeter.’

Then, they’d go on to the Feed the Hungry event at the church hall. Kasrin would continue her duties, never obvious, just there. Of course, Xena and her staff were very much aware of what happened to Valeria and Juliet Reynolds exactly a year ago. Even though the attack hadn’t taken place at the event, and Jessica and family hadn’t been the target, Xena had laid on some extra security, ‘just in case.’

As Jessica walked the path to the columbarium, she thought about Valeria, and how the trauma of last Christmas had changed her.

I didn’t see her until she came back from South Carolina months later, but she was changed. She’d always been serious, but occasionally her dry sense of humor would emerge. These days, those times, and smiles are very rare – it seems like her youth has been ripped away. She’s better now and I’m glad she found acceptance with Case’s family and seeing Jo Archer is helping. I know Jenny talks to her a lot and they’re best friends despite the age difference, but Jenny keeps Valeria’s secrets. She’s pretty mature for her age. I’m so lucky to have her and Harrison.

Valeria’s engagement to Ramón isn’t a surprise. Everyone knew how they felt, probably before they did. It’s also good for her.

Even though we had Christmas morning together, I’m already missing Jenny and Valeria. I’m used to sharing Jenny with Cindy, but this is the first Christmas that she’s been away since she’s become my daughter.

Daughter? There’s that word again. Jessica stopped at the entrance to the columbarium. Jenny is my daughter. I’ve never adopted her – as if Cindy would allow that – and she doesn’t call me ‘Mom,’ that’s reserved for Cindy. but that’s our relationship. Maybe even better than some I’ve seen. I do love her. The event at the church this afternoon won’t be the same without Jenny’s extra spark of energy ... or Valeria...

And Cindy? Our relationship? It’s unlikely we’ll ever be friends – she hurt Harrison and Jenny when she abandoned them – they’ve forgiven her, but it still bothers me. I’m working on it. Of course, her stupidity meant that one Jessica Brandt was able to marry the most wonderful man on the planet, who came with the most wonderful daughter on the planet!

Her mind flashed back to that late autumn day as she tightly held Dmitri’s arm as he walked her down the aisle at St. Anne’s Church. She’d not noticed how crowded it was because she only had eyes for a smiling Harrison standing at the front of the church. As she approached, she did notice he was flanked by Matt Kipling, his Best Man. Her Matron of Honor was Janet Ferguson, who had first become a best friend, and then increasingly, taken the role of Jessica’s mother.

She sighed. We all have our secrets...

Janet Ferguson watched the willowy short-haired blonde as she made her way inside the columbarium. Jessica was wearing fitted jeans over soft-looking dark leather boots, and a thick cable-knit red sweater which was covered by Jacob’s leather flight jacket.

She smiled. Does this woman ever have a day when she doesn’t look spectacular? Ah, youth.

Then she remembered that September day those years ago – Has it really been four-plus years since we met?

Kate Brice had collapsed when Janet confronted her, then over tea in Jacob’s apartment, told her the sad tale of her life and how through happenstance she’d become Jessica Brandt. Sharing the secret, and despite the age difference, they’d become friends and confidants, each doing her utmost to keep Jacob’s memory alive.

Father Xavier would call it divine providence. Jessica Brandt appeared in Lodi just when Lodi and any number of people needed Jessica Brandt. How many people does she employ now? One hundred? And how many lives has she changed, or saved, because of scholarships and her support of the Magdalena School and our town? Perhaps, more importantly, setting an example - showing the people of this community that people can make a difference.

Jessica and Harrison are a power couple who wield a great deal of influence in our little world. Their actual or perceived alliance with Rafael Ramirez through Valeria can be worrisome, but it sure helps get things done!

Their relationship with Cindy McCabe, an influential woman in her own right in Lodi and the Valley, has added to their, what? Influence? Impact? Regardless, they’re allied with the people in town who make things happen.

Despite their busy schedules, Jessica and Janet met for lunch at the Rosewood every other Tuesday. At first, it was just the two of them, but then about once a month they began to include one guest from among those people in town who made up their friends and acquaintances.

Thinking about the participants in that biweekly luncheon, Janet smiled. Father Xavier and Joe Foss are the only males to make the cut. I guess we could invite Matt and Harrison, but they’re in Sacramento, and always busy. And soon there will be Case Reynolds. He fascinates me. The intensity under the calm reminds me of Jacob. I hope to get to know him better.

Too bad he’s going to be married ... Oh, stop it! She looked at the marble plaque with Jacob’s name on it. Sorry, Jacob – just kidding!

Otherwise, it was a who’s who of successful women in town, which included Anne Kaufmann, Consuelo Anders, Violet Clark, Erica Felder, Keri Anderson, Alicia Estrada, Graci Peters, Jo Archer, and Carmen Duarte.

And, yes, Cindy McCabe.

Janet found it amusing that those little invitation-only Jessica and Janet ‘catch-up’ lunches had spawned quite a competition over who might be included.

Jessica gave her a slight smile as Janet stood and gave her an affectionate hug.

She stepped back without letting go of Jessica’s arms. “I knew you were here when Kasrin came in. Doesn’t that girl ever smile?”

Jessica’s smile widened. “Only when she’s off duty ... and even then, rarely.”

Janet nodded. “I’m glad you have somebody with you. I’d hate for anything to happen to you.”

They both stood for a few seconds remembering what happened a year ago.

“I know, but sometimes I just want to jump into the BMW, put the top down, leave my phone behind, and get away. Alone.”

“Thinking about it, I can’t remember the last time I even saw you in that car.”

“Tell me about it. Xena thinks it’s too much of a security risk, even with the hard top up – not armored and the visibility isn’t all that great. Harrison agrees. So, it sits all covered in the garage. I’m pretty sure Tomás sneaks it out a couple of times a month just to warm the engine and whatever else has to be done to keep it running.”

“But no thought of selling?”

Jessica shook her head. “Absolutely not.”

Janet squeezed her forearm. “I’m glad.”

They moved to the marble bench and Janet reached over and took her hand.

I never think of her any longer as anyone but Jessica Brandt. Kate Brice is simply a young woman who lives in Chicago and who uses her wealth to support the Jacob’s Granddaughters Scholarship Foundation, The Magdalena School, and other causes.

Jessica noticed the balled-up handkerchief in her hand and couldn’t ignore her red eyes.

“How are you?”