Chapter 29: What it Means to be Balanced Vessel

BURNING! CHILDREN! BURNING! ALL CHILDREN ... BURNING! MAN OF LIGHT! MAN OF LIGHT KILL THEM! HATE HIM! HATE HIM FOREVER!

“I remember,” Éclair whispered to Ryan as he held her hand, hoping he could hear her despite his condition. “Ryan, I remember all of it.”

“Remember what?” asked a voice that didn’t belong to Ryan.

Only then did Éclair realize that she wasn’t lying beside Ryan anymore ... that it wasn’t his hand she held. She was in a small, gray room with medical equipment on the sides, and medical droids flying above as they monitored her condition. She recognized the design as one of the rooms from the medical ward at the Fire Ministry. The door had been left open. She lay on her back on a large, cushy hospital bed of white sheets, pillows, and blankets. She was in a blue medical gown. Leon sat at the edge of her bed, caressing her fingers like they were precious gemstones.

“Leon?” said Éclair wanly in surprise. “I...”

Éclair tried to sit up, but Leon patted her back down to the bed gently. “Just take it easy for a bit. You haven’t been conscious for a while. Your muscles have atrophied. Even with your enhanced Elemental constitution, it will be a long time before you’re back to full strength.”

Éclair found her strength give out under his firm grip. Despite her condition, she wanted to get up and find Ryan, but Leon’s concern gave her pause. “Ryan,” Éclair said as she took in a deep breath, almost too afraid to ask. “Is ... is he...”

“Ryan is fine,” said Leon, cupping her hand in his own. “I hear he’ll be waking soon just like you if he hasn’t already. I asked the doctors to tell me when you were waking, so I came to you first. The others will be notified soon, but I didn’t want to overwhelm you.”

“But Ryan ... he’s really okay?”

Leon gave a gentle smile and nodded. “Yes. Our improvised treatment of Ryan saved his life, but traces of the virus remained inside both of you, making it difficult to heal your injuries. We had to put you both in stasis for the return journey back to Tarrus. It took some time, but all traces of the virus have been completely purged from both of your systems.

Éclair exhaled in relief, patting her chest as it rose and fell beneath her fingers. “Thank goodness.”

He mutilated himself to protect me. And it wasn’t the first time either. The cliff ... the forest ... the Butterbarts! I remember it all! No wonder he was so distraught that I couldn’t remember all that! All these years we’ve been together, and he bore those memories in silence. I have to get to him ... I have to tell him!

“Leon,” gasped Éclair, sitting up yet again. “There’s something I need to-”

Leon suddenly embraced Éclair, wrapping his arms around her feverishly. It was so out of character for him. Leon hardly gave displays of affection, even while they were dating. He barely even kissed her when they became boyfriend and girlfriend. It made Éclair wonder if they even qualified as an official couple.

“I was so frightened ... frightened that you would never wake,” whispered Leon softly into Éclair’s ear. “I once told myself that I could handle anything ... face any obstacle. But facing that ... I...”

Éclair slowly accepted the embrace as she returned the hug. This was unprecedented. Leon, the most steadfast and unemotional man she knew, was trembling like an infant in her arms. Éclair felt her heart reach out for him as she wanted nothing more than to ease his burdens at that moment. She felt like there was something wrong, that she was missing ... something ... something he hadn’t told her yet.

“Leon, you’re not usually this ... emotional. What’s come over you?”

“I ... I need to tell you something,” said Leon, pushing Éclair back to gaze directly at her face with a sudden burst of intensity. “A lot has happened to me as well since you’ve been gone.”

“What?” asked Éclair. “Did you get stranded on a planet with ferocious beasts, too?”

Leon laughed awkwardly at Éclair’s joke.

Éclair mentally scolded herself. Idiot! This is no time for jokes. This is the time you’ve been waiting for since you met him. Leon’s finally going to pour his heart out for you, and you’re joking! You’ve spent too much time with Ryan!

Even as Éclair thought of Ryan mockingly, her heart longed to see him. They hadn’t been separated for months. The tremors that came for her in the cave when she waited for him threatened to return. But Leon held those tremors at bay somewhat as he gripped her shoulders tightly and lowered his head into her bosom. Éclair felt a little awkward having Leon’s head so near her chest, but since they were boyfriend and girlfriend, she figured it was something natural.

“I haven’t been a good boyfriend,” stated Leon flatly.

Éclair was shocked, and only barely managed to stutter out a surprised response. “Leon ... that’s ... that’s not-”

“I should’ve been the one to go with you on that trade mission. Or at the very least, I should’ve asked the Minister to let you stay with the rest of us. You wanted me to.”

“Leon,” consoled Éclair. “I don’t blame you for what happened. I really don’t. You were doing your duty. You needed to investigate the group of Space Pirates that attacked us last year. You wanted to do your part to halt the underworld’s rising aggression throughout the universe. I understood and I was proud of you for making that decision.”

“Something told me that I needed to stay with you ... that you needed me more than the investigation. But I didn’t listen,” said Leon bitterly. “Even when I heard that you had gone missing ... still I didn’t come right away.”

“Well ... why?” asked Éclair, hoping she didn’t sound betrayed.

“I ... I thought the mission was more important at the time,” admitted Leon hesitantly, shame seeping into his voice. “We exceeded our original mandate and conquered Nirvana on behalf of the Fire Ministry.

Éclair’s eyes widened in astonishment. “You conquered Nirvana?!”

“Yes. And set up a new government there with Captain James as leader so the pirates under him can serve as our privateers. Still, that’s no excuse ... no excuse for delaying my departure. I could feel that you weren’t dead. I was mentally bonded to Ryan at one point, and by extension, you as well. I couldn’t know your condition at all times, but I could at least tell that you weren’t dead. So, I let Grafael go ahead when news of your disappearance reached us. As team leader, I thought I was doing the right thing, but my actions almost got you, Grafael, and Ryan killed. I can never make up for what I’ve done.” Leon’s voice continued quivering as he spoke, and his shoulders trembled.

Éclair took Leon’s head and slowly brought it up to her shoulder, stroking his black hair. “You only did what you thought was right. No one can fault you for that. As the leader of our squad, you have to make decisions you think are best for the group as a whole, not just individuals. Nirvana will prove to be a great asset to the Fire Ministry. I think you did the right thing.”

“Do you really mean that?”

“Of course I do,” answered Éclair. “It’s just like you told me before I left. The mission always comes first.”

As Éclair spoke, a flash of a bloodied Ryan blazed through her mind as he said, ‘Because, for me, there would be no universe without you.’

Leon then leaned forward and kissed Éclair full on the mouth. His kiss was hard and unexpected. His lips felt cold and wet against her own. It came and went so fast that Éclair didn’t have time to kiss him back, or even know if she wanted to kiss him back. Leon quickly broke off and pressed his nose against her own as he cradled her cheeks with both hands.

“I need you, Éclair,” said Leon breathlessly. “I need you more than I’ve ever needed someone before ... and it frightens me. I got used to being alone, but you ... you brought me back from the brink. Ask anything of me, and it’s yours.”

Éclair blinked in surprise, unaccustomed to this more romantic side of Leon’s. “Leon ... did ... did something happen while I was away?”

Leon gritted his teeth, inhaling sharply as he kissed her again. Éclair didn’t know if she liked it or not. She was still processing everything that was happening. “I just finally realized what I need out of life. When my clan was destroyed, I was void and aimless. I worked for Chissler, and then for the Fire Ministry, but I didn’t really belong to either. Chissler only saw me as a convenient pawn, and I didn’t think anyone at the Ministry of Fire could ever accept a Lurranna. Our family has a long history of terrorism against the Empire. I didn’t think there was anyone who could understand me ... anyone I could call friend. I shunned the world as it had shunned me. I was content to live out my existence and just survive in defiance of those who wished me dead.”

Leon leaned back and brushed a strand of hair from Éclair’s head. He then rubbed a thumb along her lips where he kissed her. His hands also glided over her neck, and he lightly sucked on her throat. Éclair gasped slightly and felt her heart fluttering as she didn’t know what to make of any of this. Was Leon wrong to be getting so physical, or was Éclair getting flustered just because he’d never done anything like this before? Did Éclair enjoy this newfound attention, or did it frighten her? So many questions and feelings poured through Éclair at once that she thought she might burst. All she could do was sit and wait as Leon finished necking her, laying all his woes bare in his kisses.

“And then I met you, and my world shifted,” said Leon, smiling for the first time since his confession began. “I think I want to love you, Éclair Hamashe. I want to know what it’s like to fall in love with someone. To put someone’s wellbeing above my own ... put someone’s existence above my own ambitions. My old goal was surviving ... my new goal is you.”

“Leon ... I ... I,” stuttered Éclair, nearly speechless at Leon’s passionate declaration of love.

“I know we already decided to be a couple,” explained Leon. “But given everything that’s happened, can we just ... start over? Can we perhaps be more this time?”

Leon then pushed off the bed, going to one knee while holding her hand in his own. Éclair gasped, bringing a hand to her mouth. Oh, my God! Is he proposing?

“Éclair Hamashe,” said Leon, bowing his head. “I, Leon Lurranna, ask you to be mine, now and forever.”

“Leon,” panted Éclair, her hand sweating profusely under Leon’s touch. “Are you asking me to marry you? Because I ... I’m too young to get married. I haven’t even turned nineteen yet.”

“Still legal marrying age. And people were wedded much younger than that in medieval times,” said Leon with a smile.

Éclair laughed uncomfortably. “Leon, we’re not ... knights in some fairytale. I mean, both of us are still so young. Can we even know what love is at our age? And what if-”

“I’m not proposing,” explained Leon. “I just want to reassert our relationship. We’ve been separated for so long that I must seem a stranger to you now.”

Éclair smiled and smoothed out Leon’s hair which was a bit more ruffled than usual. “You could never be unfamiliar to me.”

“All the same,” started Leon. “I want us to get to know one another again. I want to spend every moment I can with you. I want to hear everything that’s happened to you in your time on Black Star.”

Éclair chuckled nervously. “Everything?”

“Yes, every detail. Everything you thought and felt. I want to be the one to comfort you on your road to recovery. Please, let me be that man for you?”

He’s so earnest. How can I say no to that? Whatever he’s been through, it must’ve changed him, hopefully for the better. For the first time in my life, someone needs me instead of the other way around.

Éclair sighed as she stroked Leon’s cheek. “Leon, I chose you a long time ago. You were my goal from the start. You don’t have to ask.”

Éclair let all doubts fade as she once again became that starry-eyed girl that dreamed of wooing the mysterious Leon Lurranna. She then brought Leon’s face up and returned his kiss. It was the first time that she had initiated a kiss with him since their reunion. It wasn’t half bad. As Éclair drank deeply of Leon’s lips, she felt something amiss. She had finally achieved a deep and romantic relationship with her lifelong crush, something she couldn’t boast of even while they were dating. But this nagging sensation refused to abate.

And then Éclair opened her eyes. As she pressed her lips gently against Leon’s own, she looked past his sharp features to see Ryan standing in the doorway to her chambers. He had flowers in his hands. Éclair felt her heart sink as she saw the look of surprise and despair cross over Ryan’s golden face. His feral, red eyes bore into her own, breaking her heart in twain. And yet, Ryan smiled sadly at her and nodded as if giving his approval.

Leon didn’t notice Ryan’s presence as he wrapped his arms around her and buried his face into her silver-gray hair. Éclair embraced Leon as well, though she continued to watch Ryan with mixed feelings. On one hand, it was good to see him standing strong and tall again. Even amidst the countless bandages over his neck and his arm in a sling, as well as the blue medical gown, Ryan still made for quite the dashing figure. On the other hand, the look that Ryan gave her was almost worse than watching him torture himself for her sake. It was like all the life was draining out of him. Éclair found herself desperately wanting to hear him crack a ridiculous joke again ... let her know that things would be alright between them somehow.

Ryan continued smiling at her as he leaned into the room and gently set the flowers on the table by the door. It was a bundle of a dozen white roses, Éclair’s favorite. She had told him during their time together at his home. He remembered from all those years ago the first time they had met. Ryan then left without a sound as Leon continued to hold her. Éclair felt like she had died and been reborn several times within the span of a few short minutes. Now that Ryan had left, she felt like she was dying again.

Leon held Éclair. Finally, he could hold her the way he wanted to hold her for months now. She returned the hug as they sat there together. He thought he felt a presence of someone else nearby, but his mental faculties were too focused on Éclair to pay it much mind. She hadn’t noticed what he had done. Though she had been given some tutoring in fending off telepathic manipulation, she hadn’t noticed what he’d done. He doubted that he’d be able to do it if she were at her full strength. She’d grown so powerful while she was away.

While he was kissing her, he placed subtle emotional stimulations within her psyche so that she would respond to his affections and kiss him back. He’d learned the trick from Lucille. It wasn’t outright manipulation. It wasn’t like he was controlling her mind and forcing his will over hers. He was just slightly arousing the feelings within her that she already had for him.

Still, even if it wasn’t technically mind control, Leon felt more than a little ashamed of his actions. But more than the shame, he felt desperation ... and unfathomable anger towards Ryan. He didn’t know what happened between the two of them while they were gone, but it was obvious that they had shared something. Éclair had called out Ryan’s name several times as she slept. Leon could feel her steadily losing her heart to Ryan. Even if he didn’t have telepathy that allowed him to feel her emotions, her actions up till now were telling enough. Leon had come too far. He wouldn’t let anyone take Éclair from him now ... least of all Ryan Uruks, the son of his father’s enemy.

And what of Lucille? asked the voice in the dark.

Leon gritted his teeth as he held Éclair tighter while stroking her wonderous hair. I can’t let myself love Lucille! I can’t go back to being a Mystic ... to being a Lurranna! I just can’t! Éclair saved me from that life of pain and darkness! I won’t turn back now!

Ryan walked lazily through the corridors of the hospital wing. He soon came to two doors that led to the veranda outside. The balcony overlooked a great deal of the Ministry of Fire, even towering over the mountain-sized multicolored trees. It was nighttime. The stars were out tonight above the glass-like dome of the Fire Ministry. That didn’t happen too often. Because the barrier around the Ministry gave a magnifying effect, the stars seemed so big and so close that Ryan almost believed he could reach out and touch them. Large shining dots of various sizes illuminated the leaves of the surrounding forest in colors of white, yellow, blue, green, and red. The stars came in all kinds of sizes and shades of white.

Ryan leaned leisurely against the dark stone railing. The night sky of the Ministry looked even more beautiful since his return. He had once talked with Éclair about how rare it was to see the stars on Tarrus. The universe was a wonderous and enchanting place. To Ryan, it was both immensely beautiful and immensely sad. Lately, those two things seemed to be strangely correlated.

And do you think she could ever love you after you almost killed her?!

Ryan’s trail of thought went silent at the sudden return of the dark voice. This time, he felt certain that it was him talking to himself instead of the Dark Creature reaching out to him. It’s just that his thoughts had become so embittered that they somehow aligned to sound like the Dark Creature ... like they were connected somehow. But that’s not what gave Ryan pause. What startled him was considering how right those words were. Éclair had almost died, and by Ryan’s own infected hand no less. He had been so stupid. He should’ve known better. He should’ve volunteered to take the screening as soon as he got on the ship. The Parasite Queen was immensely powerful. It’s no wonder her poison stinger would be enough to infect even him. And because of that, Ryan’s own body was turned into a weapon that almost cost Éclair her life. Leon wouldn’t have been so negligent. Leon wouldn’t have put Éclair at risk like that. Maybe he really did deserve her more than Ryan did.

As Ryan considered these questions and more, he felt the presence of someone nearby. Zanderius had crept up silently without even opening the doors, of course, he might’ve just phased through them, or teleported in somehow. The old Prime Minister no longer wore his silver armor, but a white vest with long sleeves under his white cape. The vest went down the length of him, covering his legs in long, flowing robes. He stood in front of the doors with his arms folded into the sleeves of his long, white robes. He smiled gently at Ryan and stepped forward on silent feet. Ryan saw brown sandals peeking out from his loosely flowing white robes. Zand’s attire seemed more relaxed than when he appeared on Black Star in white and silver armor.