Chapter 28: I Remember

WE GET TO THEM! THEY NOT COME TO USSSS! WE GO TO THEM! MUSST LEAVE! LEAVE ON ROCKSS! EVOLVE TO LEAVE! EVOLVE TO HUNT! EVOLVE TO GROW!

Ryan sat alone on the bed in his assigned quarters, his armor and weapons lying in a heap on the floor beside him. He felt better now that he was out of his armor and in nothing but a white, T-shirt and black pants. The best part was being barefoot again. A small bandage had been placed over his arm where the Parasite Queen had stung him. The wound was already healing like the others had, so Ryan didn’t think it necessary, but Éclair had insisted on the bandage all the same. She also asked that he keep his injury to himself should any of the Emperor’s soldiers show up.

Ryan, along with the rest of Squad 99, had been quarantined to Level D of the ship until the doctors arranged the proper equipment to test everyone for any signs of the virus. The pirates were already being examined after they were satisfied that nobody would bother Gumar’s body in stasis. All the others had gathered in the Level D cafeteria down the hall to await detoxication. He could hear them murmuring quietly amongst themselves, but Ryan didn’t feel like socializing. He didn’t feel like doing much of anything at the moment.

So many people died today. Henry, North Star, Gumar, and countless others. The pirates we lost, the Elemental Guards who came to help us ... and who knows how many others died battling the Parasites across the planet while we were stuck in that hole. People that were alive, breathing, and thinking just like I am now ... they’re all just gone.

Ryan put his head in his hands as he leaned his elbows against his knees. Out of his peripheral vision, he noticed someone standing at the threshold of his door. Éclair was barefoot, wearing only a blue tank top and white shorts that ended just above the knees. It was perhaps the simplest outfit that Ryan had ever seen her in, though she would still look magnificent even if she wore nothing but rags.

“So, this is where you scampered off to,” she said quietly. “Why didn’t you stay with the rest of us?”

Ryan chuckled sadly. “I guess I don’t feel too social at the moment.”

Éclair rubbed her arm and nodded. “I know what you mean. After more than four months of being on our own, we’re suddenly thrust back with everyone. Mozar and Kormal were already taken to detoxication with the pirates, leaving the rest of us to just wait and talk alone in this section of the ship. Don’t get me wrong, I love them all and I missed them terribly ... but it can be a little overwhelming.”

“Yeah,” agreed Ryan while looking down. “Especially with everything that’s happened.”

Éclair shut the metal door behind her and padded over gracefully to sit down beside Ryan on the bed. The mattress barely even vibrated when she sat. Even in his melancholy, Éclair’s presence alone seemed to lift his spirits. He took a deep breath, taking in her scent that had become so familiar to him over the past months. As always, she smelled like flowers. The aroma calmed him, relaxing his muscles as he allowed himself to be beckoned into the quiet contentment that he found only at Eclair’s side.

“I suppose it’ll take some getting used to ... being back with everyone,” she said as she leaned down and folded her hands in front of her.

“Yeah, but at least we came back. Others weren’t so lucky,” said Ryan in a low voice. Éclair stirred next to him, and he immediately regretted his choice in words. “Sorry. That was depressing.”

“It’s okay,” she said consolingly. “I don’t think anyone’s come out of this ordeal unscathed ... you least of all.”

Ryan inhaled sharply, Henry’s serene face still burned into his retina before he disappeared. “I can’t get him out of my head, Éclair. I can’t get any of them out of my head. Henry, Gumar, and all the others. What did they all die for?”

“Why are you asking me? Do you think me some saint with all the answers like my godfather?”

“You’re right. I shouldn’t be feeling sorry for myself. I’m not the only one in pain here. North Star ... she...”

Ryan heard the soft splash of a droplet hitting the floor as a single tear ran down Éclair’s cheek. Guilt welled up inside him at Éclair’s sorrow.

“Éclair, I’m so sorry about what happened to North. If I hadn’t gone back, then maybe she wouldn’t have-”

“No,” she said, raising a hand. “I’m the one who made her go to that planet. I’m the one who dragged both of you on a venture that would have cost us all our lives if not for Leon. If anyone’s to blame for what happened to North, it’s me.”

“You shouldn’t say stuff like that,” said Ryan, placing a hand on Éclair’s arm. “I know for a fact that North regretted nothing in the end. She may have been a ship, but she was just as complex as you or me. She made her own choice.”

Éclair wiped her tears away and caressed Ryan’s fingers as she rubbed his shoulder with her other hand. “Thank you, Ryan. I needed to hear that.”

Ryan slid his fingers between Éclair’s and leaned in to hug her gently around the waist with his left arm. Éclair accepted the embrace and leaned her soft hair against his chest with a contented sigh. They sat there for a little while, each one silently comforting the other in their grief. Then Éclair broke away from Ryan and leaned back, but she still held his hand.

“I was meaning to ask you,” started Éclair, seeming uncomfortable as she brought her knees to her chest and wrapped her free arm around them. “Why did you go back for that girl? You told me that you didn’t want to risk your life for strangers.”

“I ... well ... what can I say? I’m dumb and I leaped before I looked,” said Ryan with a nervous grin, rubbing his hair.

“That doesn’t answer the question.”

Ryan sighed deeply. “I don’t completely know myself. I think if I had to decide, it was because of you.”

“Me?” she asked, turning to him in confusion.

“At least partially,” he explained, reflecting as he looked up at the ceiling. “Remember our fight back on North Star just before we set out to rescue Grafy? When we first got the signal and we didn’t know who it was, you wanted to go back and help them, but I didn’t. After I said that, you looked at me with such ... such disappointment in your eyes.”

“I wasn’t disappointed in you, Ryan,” corrected Éclair quickly. “I was just surprised, that’s all. You’re usually the one who insists on saving everyone.”

Ryan lowered his head, still feeling the shame of that conversation. “Yeah, well ... after that, I promised myself that I never wanted to see that look in your eyes again. I never want to do anything to make you think less of me. This may sound selfish and narcissistic, but I want you to see me as ... well ... as a hero. Nothing means more to me than your opinion of my character.”

Éclair inhaled sharply, and Ryan felt her tense as she held his hand.

“So, when I saw Sharon trapped and screaming for help, I just couldn’t turn away,” he continued. “I knew she was dead the moment I saw her. The Gateway was closing, and she was so far away. But even then, I knew I had to help her. More than just wanting to impress you, I wanted to feel like the person I used to be before Black Star. I wanted to be the kind of man that helps people even at the cost of his own life ... even if I don’t know them very well. I wanted to be like Henry.”

Éclair turned away from Ryan, causing him to wonder how she took his explanation.

“I know ... pretty shallow, right? Acting heroic just to impress a girl and soothe my own ego. But that’s how it is.”

“I’m glad,” she said softly, her head still turned away from Ryan. “I’m glad you went back for her. It means that carefree, naïve little boy who dreamed of being a hero isn’t completely gone yet. It means that I still have a bit of the old Ryan mixed in with the new.”

Ryan’s heart skipped a beat. Eclair turned back to him with her eyes downcast. She drew her hair back behind her ear, refusing to meet his gaze.

“And if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have gone back either,” she said, finally facing him completely. “It shames me to admit it, but I had every intention of leaving that poor girl to her fate. I didn’t want to risk any of our lives for someone we barely knew. Thanks to you, I got to feel like a hero myself.”

“Oh yeah, that reminds me,” said Ryan, releasing Éclair’s hand to rub his chin. “I threw you hard ... like really, really hard towards that Gateway; and you flew at that thing like a football. You weigh about as much as a paper airplane to me, so you should’ve gone right in like I intended.”

“Yeah, you did throw me pretty hard,” commented Éclair. “I just about dislocated my shoulder when I anchored myself to the ground with my bow.”

“I’m kind of mad at you for that, by the way,” said Ryan, grinning slightly as he crossed his arms. “I just didn’t have time to express my annoyance, what with the whole ‘being chased by a giant tentacle lady’ thing.”

“Well, if I’m being honest, I guess I’m a little mad at you too,” admitted Éclair casually as she studied the floor. “Which reminds me of something I promised myself to do once things calmed down a bit.”

Éclair then reached up and whacked Ryan hard on the back of his head. Ryan groaned from the sting of the blow, though he found himself grinning all the same.

“Ow,” he said, rubbing his head, but laughing a little.

“Maybe next time, you’ll think twice before doing something dangerous and stupid without my help,” she said with a huff. “I mean, seriously. What were you even going to do? Did you even have a plan?”

“I had a kinda plan-ish,” said Ryan defensively. “Grab the girl and go up the pit, which is pretty much what we ended up doing. It would’ve worked out.”

“Before or after you were eaten by that Colossal?” retorted Éclair with a smirk. “Face it, Uruks. This whole ‘lone hero thing’ really doesn’t work for you. Honestly, where would you even be without me?”

“In the belly of a giant squid/worm, I guess. I never did thank you for coming back for me.”

“Friends don’t have to thank each other for saving one another, remember?”

Ryan gave a mischievous chuckle. “Good thing, too. Since I’m pretty sure I’ve saved you way more times than you’ve saved me at this point, so you’d probably be thanking me for the rest of your life if that were the case.”

That comment earned Ryan another whack on the head. “You dolt!” cried out Éclair indignantly. “It’s not a competition to see who can save each other the most!”

Ryan laughed at Éclair’s outburst, so she whacked him again. Ryan just kept laughing, so Éclair kept hitting him.

“Stop laughing! I’m being serious!” commanded Éclair, though she started to grin while lightly slapping Ryan on the head and shoulders as he shielded himself.

Éclair soon gave in and laughed along with Ryan as she buried her head against his chest. Ryan held her, giggling into her hair as she quivered with joy. The laughter ended when they clasped each other’s hands and locked eyes suddenly. The exchange lasted only a second before Éclair quickly jerked back, positioning herself away from Ryan on the bed.

“That brings us to the other matter I’ve been meaning to discuss with you,” said Éclair tensely. “Now that we’re back ... now that I’m back with Leon ... it would probably be best if we didn’t meet like this anymore.”

“Meet like what?” asked Ryan innocently. “Two friends with shared trauma just talking with each other?”

“Ryan, you know what I mean,” she said, turning away. “We’re too familiar. I find myself doing things with you that I know I shouldn’t. Sharing things that shouldn’t be shared.”

She’s right. Now that we’re back, we shouldn’t be interacting like this. Even if Leon’s not my favorite person, I don’t hate the guy. And I wouldn’t want him to get the wrong idea about Éclair and me, said Ryan’s more reasonable side. But the other side had something to say as well. On the other hand, I don’t know if I can live without this ... whatever this is. I don’t think I could pretend that nothing happened and move on.

Éclair’s posture became rigid as she stared straight ahead. “So, if it’s all the same to you, let’s just go on with our relationship as it was before. It would be best for everyone, not just Leon. The dynamics of the team shouldn’t be interfered with. I mean, we all just got back together. No need to make things dramatic, right?”

“Is that what you really want?”

Éclair gave a deep sigh, rubbing her eyes despairingly. “Ryan, we’ve been over this. I want Leon. I chose Leon. If you really care about me, you’ll respect my decision and let me move on without any-”

Ryan placed a hand on Éclair’s cheek and turned her towards him gently, but firmly. She seemed surprised by his touch, but she didn’t pull away. Ryan then leaned in close until he and Éclair were almost nose to nose as he stared into her violet eyes. Éclair inhaled sharply, nearly gasping, but she still didn’t shy away from his proximity. Ryan’s heart raced at a million miles an hour. He wanted her. He wanted to kiss her so badly he could barely breathe. Éclair was the prettiest, bravest, smartest, funniest, quirkiest, kindest, and most wonderful person he’d ever known. He’d give anything to be with her: his life, his ambitions, his very soul if need be. Nothing else existed at that moment save for Éclair’s lips getting closer and closer with every heartbeat. Still caressing her cheek, Éclair’s soft, alabaster skin trembled slightly beneath Ryan’s fingers ... but still she didn’t pull away. In fact, Eclair started to lean in closer as she brought her hand up and placed it over Ryan’s while it rested on her cheek. He took that as confirmation as he leaned in to kiss her.

“Don’t, Ryan,” whispered Éclair just before their lips met. “Please don’t.”

Ryan stopped. Though it pained him, he leaned back slowly. He had been so close, but in the end, she said no. He had no choice but to respect her wishes. Ryan’s shoulders went slack as he pulled his hand away. Just before he did, Éclair grabbed his fingers tightly. Ryan almost thought she had changed her mind, but the look on her face was one of horror instead of affection. Éclair was staring at Ryan’s arm as she held his hand. No, not his arm ... something inside his arm. Ryan followed Éclair’s gaze and found something rippling just beneath his skin.

Pain suddenly flared up Ryan’s shoulders, and his hand went rigid. Ryan cried out, his whole body going stiff like some sort of spasmodic attack.

“Ryan, what’s-”

Ryan’s right hand moved of its own volition and grabbed Éclair hard around the mouth. Ryan was forced to stand up by an unknown force as his out-of-control arm picked Éclair up by her face and lifted her in the air, leaving her feet dangling inches off the floor. She let out a muffled yelp as she grabbed Ryan around his elbow. He tried to force his hand to let go, but his arm no longer obeyed his commands, and the pain grew worse and worse. He didn’t know what was happening, but it became clear that something had taken control of his arm. No, more like something was inside his arm, writhing around just beneath his skin like a worm, or a...

No! It can’t be!

Ryan soon realized that he still had control of his left arm, so he reached up and tried to wrench Éclair loose. When that didn’t work, he decided to call for help.

“HEL-”

As soon as Ryan opened his mouth, a pink tentacle popped out of his bicep and wrapped around his neck, closing off his windpipe. Ryan wheezed, barely able to breathe, let alone call for help as the tentacle squeezed his jugular tighter and tighter.

“Ryan!” cried Éclair, her voice still muffled by his hand.

I thought I was immune! This shouldn’t be happening! I should be immune!

Éclair’s hands started glowing blue as she released ice up Ryan’s arm towards the tentacle that was suffocating him. Cold mist emanated from Éclair’s hands as her Ice Elemency went to work. If she made his arm numb enough, maybe she could free both of them. But then, more tentacles shot out of Ryan’s arms, snagging Éclair around her wrists and legs.

Ryan roared in anguish as he ignited his free hand with red flames and attempted to burn the tentacles off. As Ryan raised his left arm, yet more tentacles burst from his veins and entangled his other hand, drops of his own blood dripping from each tendril. Ryan’s fire soon fizzled out, as if siphoned off by the virus itself. Out of all the dangers he had faced in the last few months, nothing came close to the feeling of having his own body turned against him like this. But the worst part of all was watching Éclair suffocate by the power of his limb. Her violet eyes, always so sure and confidant, now widened with fright ... fright caused by Ryan’s own flesh.

“DO NOT SSSTRUGGLE,” hissed a familiar shrill voice. “AND WE WILL END IT QUICKLY.”

Ryan would’ve gasped if not for the tentacle around his windpipe. Judging by the sudden look of surprise on Éclair’s face, she could hear the voice as well. Out of the corner of his eye, Ryan traced the path of the tentacles beneath his skin and realized that they all originated at his shoulder where the Parasite Queen had stung him. The injury looked almost completely healed last time Ryan checked it. But now, the wound had turned black and scabby with puss seeping out of it and small vapors of the green gas smoking from the cracks.

“YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE IMMUNE, BUT NO ONE ISSS TRULY IMMUNE OF USSS,” explained the voice of the Horde Mother, her voice resounding right out of the wound on Ryan’s shoulder. “BUT YOU WERE SSSTRONGER THAN MOSSST. WE HAD TO WAIT A LONG TIME BEFORE WE COULD MANIFESSST.”

Éclair struggled uselessly in the air as Ryan’s tentacle-ridden arm held her firmly in place. He tried once again to scream, but the tentacle around his neck stretched out and wrapped around his jaws. Ryan tasted mucus mixed in with his own blood as the rubbery limb clenched tightly between his teeth.

“WE ARE ALONE NOW,” lamented the Horde Mother. “ALL OUR CHILDREN ARE BURNING. WE CANNOT HEAR THEM ANYMORE. WE ARE ... SSSINGULAR. ONE THAT ISSS NOT WHOLE. EVEN NOW, WE ... I ... FEEL MY LIFE EBB AFTER THE DESSSTRUCTION OF MY HOME. BUT BEFORE I DIE, YOU WILL GRANT MY LASSST WISH AND KILL THE DAUGHTER OF LIGHT!”