Copyright© 2020 by Lazlo Zalezac
After delivering the sanding supplies to the Dairy King, Sean was given the rest of day off by Mr. Catchums. He stopped by Suzie’s house on the way home to let her know that he had the entire afternoon off and was hoping to spend it with her. To say that he was hoping for a little repeat of the activities of the previous evening would not be an exaggeration. He knocked on the backdoor and waited for someone to answer.
Mrs. Emery opened the backdoor and, grinning broadly, said, “If it isn’t the witless wonder.”
“Good day, Mrs. Emery,” Sean said. He smiled politely and pantomimed tipping his hat to her.
“How’s the eye?”
Wondering how long he was going to hear about that from their mothers, Sean turned a little red and answered, “Much better now, thank you.”
“I wish I could say the same for Suzie. She just hasn’t been the same since the incident,” Mrs. Emery said.
Mrs. Emery ignored the outburst from behind her and said, “They seem all stiff and swollen. I recommended a massage, but you know children — they never listen to you.”
“Oh, God. I’m going to die of embarrassment,” Suzie said trying to push her mother out of the door. Her mother was pretty well set and didn’t budge.
Feeling trapped despite the fact that the whole outdoors was to his back, Sean said, “Uh, maybe I better go.”
“Perhaps you could talk some sense into her. I’m sure that an hour or so of massaging, would cure her problem,” Mrs. Emery said.
For the first time in a long time, Sean was speechless. Absolutely nothing came to mind. He stood there with his mouth opening and closing. Not even a nonsense sound or meaningless grunt managed to pass through his lips. He didn’t even think of offering his services.
Suzie, on the other hand, had a lot to say. She said, “Maybe I should just have Sean massage them for an hour or two. How would you like that? I’m sure that Sean would just love to massage my breasts. I know that I would enjoy it.”
“You know, that idea never crossed my mind,” Mrs. Emery said rubbing her chin thoughtfully.
Somewhat off balanced by her mother’s answer, Suzie said, “We can start right now if you want.”
Sean swayed from side to side. The whole world faded from view as images of massaging Suzie’s breasts flashed in front of his eyes. A small smile came to his face while he stared vacantly off into the distance.
Nonplussed, Mrs. Emery said, “I imagine you would want to wait until after lunch. You wouldn’t want to interrupt your therapy session to have to eat.”
“Are you saying that it is okay with you if Sean massages my breasts?” Suzie asked incredulously. She didn’t think that her face could get much brighter red than it was. A vision of her mother watching them and making comments on technique flashed through her mind. She’d die if that were to ever happen.
“Well, someone is going to have to do it. You’ll have to deal with that swelling and stiffness sometime or another,” Mrs. Emery said watching Suzie’s reaction.
Suzie stood there looking at her mother speechless. Mothers weren’t supposed to say things like that. She looked over at Sean wanting a little help in dealing with her mother and saw him standing there in a daze. She said, “I think Sean is about to faint.”
Mrs. Emery grinned upon seeing Sean’s blank face. She reached over and patted him on the cheek. She said, “Sean! Earth to Sean!”
Sean shook his head thinking that he had just experienced the weirdest daydream in history. He looked at Mrs. Emery and said, “Good day, Mrs. Emery. How are you?”
“I’m fine Sean. How are you?” she answered with a grin.
“I’m doing pretty good. I worked this morning and my boss gave me the rest of the day off,” Sean answered.
“That’s nice. I bet you thought you’d spend it with Suzie,” Mrs. Emery said.
“That thought had crossed my mind,” Sean said. He wasn’t going to say what other thoughts had crossed his mind.
“I’m sure it did,” Mrs. Emery said.
Horrified by the banal exchange taking place, Suzie said, “Look at what you did to him. He’s got amnesia.”
Mrs. Emery clicked her tongue and said, “I didn’t do anything. He’s just pretending that the whole conversation about massaging your breasts never took place. I think it is kind of sweet in a rather disturbing way. It makes you wonder what other thoughts run through that dirty little mind of his.”
“I can assure you that there are no thoughts running through my dirty little mind,” Sean said. He frowned when he realized what he had said and muttered, “That didn’t come out right.”
Mrs. Emery said, “Why don’t you run on home and have lunch? Come back with your bathing suit. I’m sure that some time in the pool will be most enjoyable.”
“A little time in the pool with Suzie does sound most enjoyable,” Sean said looking over at Suzie.
“Run along now,” Mrs. Emery said.
“Okay,” Sean said. He stood on his tiptoes to wave to Suzie.
Suzie blew him a kiss and said, “I’ll see you later, Sean.”
“I can’t wait to see you, Suzie,” Sean replied. He would have kissed her goodbye but her mother was standing between them in the doorway. He turned and headed towards the path that ran behind the yard without thinking.
Once Sean was gone, Suzie looked at her mother and asked, “Did you have fun humiliating us like that?”
Mrs. Emery smiled at her daughter and said, “Yes.”
“You could show a little remorse,” Suzie said.
“Why?” Mrs. Emery asked.
Upon reaching home, Sean’s mother had pointed to the table and said, “Lunch is on the table. Eat up.”
“Okay,” Sean said watching his mother disappear down the hallway. She seemed to be in a hurry to get somewhere. Despite the odd behavior of his mother, Sean had a nice lunch with Lily. The BLT sandwiches and tomato soup were quite a treat.
Lily finished her meal and said, “I have to get dressed.”
“Why?” Sean asked getting suspicious.
“We are going to the movies,” Lily answered.
Sean frowned and said, “Nobody told me anything about going to the movies.
“You aren’t going. It’s just us ladies,” Lily said.
Sean tried to remember what movies were playing. He looked up when his mother walked into the kitchen and burst out laughing! She was wearing a wild red wig, a scarf, and clothes that had gone out of style twenty years earlier. She was wearing bright pink blush and killer red lipstick. Sean would have bet that she was wearing green eye shadow, but it was hard to tell since her eyes were covered by a cheap pair of sunglasses.
Barely able to keep his laughter under control, he asked, “What are you wearing?”
“A disguise,” his mother answered. She turned in place and asked, “Do I look like me?”
“Yes,” Sean answered.
“I’m not a redhead and I have a much better fashion sense than this outfit suggests,” his mother said.
“Don’t tell me you are going to see the new Bond film,” Sean said.
“Okay, I won’t tell you that,” his mother said. ““We’re going to a costume party.”
“Do you expect me to believe that?” Sean asked.
“Yes,” she replied. She turned to Lily and said, “I’ve got your outfit ready for you. You’ve got to be in disguise, too. We don’t want the mean old man at the, uh, costume party to recognize you.”
“You are going to see that new Bond film,” Sean said. Visions of getting a call from the police to pick her up from the police station started to float through his mind.
“We’re going to a costume party,” his mother said.
“They’ll have you arrested,” Sean said.
“Even if I were to go to the movie theater, they would never recognize me in this disguise,” his mother said. She flipped her hair with a hand and added, “I’ll be chewing gum too.”
“They’ve got your picture on the wall at the theater with a sign that says not to allow you in for James Bond films,” Sean said.
“I know,” his mother said waving a hand through the air as if chasing away a fly. She pouted and said, “It isn’t even a good picture of me. I look perfectly horrible in it.”
Sean said, “I thought it was a remarkably good picture. It captured the inner you.”
Lily asked, “Is it the one with mom sticking her tongue out?”
“Yes,” Sean answered.
“I like that picture,” Lily said.
“Go and get dressed.”
“Yes, Mom,” Lily said before leaving the kitchen.
His mother said, “You might want to drive my car over to Suzie’s house in case you have to come pick us up.”
Sean frowned and asked, “How will you get to the movie theater if I’m driving your car?”
“I’ve got a ride to the costume party,” his mother answered. She looked down the hall and said, “I’d better check on Lily.”
Sean watched his mother leave the kitchen. He wondered who would possibly give her a ride to the movie theater. The logical answer was Mrs. Emery since she usually participated in these little outings. That problem was that he was expecting to see her when he went back to have a swim with Suzie. After all of that talk about massaging, she was going to hover over Suzie like a vulture over a dying cow. There was no way she was going to let him near Suzie. He was still pondering the issue when the doorbell rang. His mother shouted, “Get the door.”
Sean opened the door to find that he was looking straight at Mrs. Emery. She was wearing an old dress, a crazy hat, and a sweater with a rip in it. In her hand was a handbag that looked more like a suitcase than a woman’s fashion accessory. Shocked by her appearance, he asked, “Is that really you?”
“Who did you think it was?” Mrs. Emery asked.
“For a second there I wasn’t sure,” Sean said stepping back from the door.
Pleased by his uncertainty, Mrs. Emery asked, “Do you like my disguise?”
“You look like a bag lady,” Sean said.
“Thank you. I was going for the bag lady look,” Mrs. Emery said entering the house.
“You got it although you might want to try looking a little dirtier,” Sean said while closing the door. She was pretty clean for a bag lady. Of course, he had never seen a bag lady in his little town so his opinion wasn’t based on personal observation.
Mrs. Emery replied, “You and your dirty mind. If I didn’t like you so much, I wouldn’t let you date Suzie. Of course, she’s got a dirty mind too. Wait until you see what she’s got planned for your visit this afternoon.”
“What?” Sean asked.
Mrs. Emery smiled and said, “I don’t know, but I know that she has high expectations. She was just too excited when I told her I wouldn’t be back for three hours. She ran off shouting something about having to change the sheeps.”
“Sheeps?” Sean asked with a puzzled expression on his face.
“It might have been sheets,” Mrs. Emery said.
“Oh,” Sean said, “Oh!”
“Where’s your mother?” Mrs. Emery asked changing the subject.
“I’m here,” Sean’s mother answered entering the living room. Lily, dressed up like Little Orphan Annie, followed behind her.
Posing prettily, Lily said, “I’m in disguise.”
“No one will know who you three are,” Sean said rolling his eyes.
“I can’t wait to visit the police station again,” Lily said with a big grin, “Last time they gave me candy.”
“Shh! He thinks we’re going to a costume party,” his mother said leaning down to Lily.
Glancing at the clock, Mrs. Emery said, “We better get going. The costume party starts in half an hour and it will take most of that time to get there.”
Sean watched the three females head towards the door. Just before opening it, his mother said, “Wash the dishes.”
“Yes, Mom,” Sean said watching Lily skip out to the car. Mrs. Emery stepped through the door.
“I hope the actor who comes to the costume party as Sean Connery is better than the last one,” his mother said to Mrs. Emery.
“You’re not fooling anyone,” Sean said.
“Did you bring the supplies?” his mother asked.
“Yes,” Mrs. Emery answered. She lifted her purse and said, “It’s all in here.”
“You didn’t!” Sean yelled.
“We’ll be back in three hours,” Mrs. Emery called out as the door slammed shut.
Sean returned to the kitchen to wash the dishes. As he worked, he muttered, “That’s about right. It will take them half an hour to get to the movie theater. They’ll get arrested and then they’ll call me to bail them out. That’ll eat up another half an hour. I’ll have to drive there for half an hour. Then it will take an hour to get them out of jail. Then it will take some time to pick up their car and for them to drive back. That’s about three hours.”