Copyright© 2020 by Lazlo Zalezac
Turning off the alarm clock, Sean rolled over on his side to hide his morning woody from his sister. She always burst into his room to make sure that he was awake. The tent in his sheet created by his morning woody had the potential of causing great embarrassment. So far, his little sister had never noticed it.
The door swung open and his sister charged into the room. Lily yelled, “Out of bed, lazy head!”
“I’m awake,” Sean moaned while trying to cover his head with his pillow.
“Up up up! Time to get up!”
“I’m awake,” Sean said with a groan.
“If you are so awake, what are you doing still in bed?” she asked. Her cheerful voice drove nails into his brain. He hated morning people with a passion, especially first thing in the morning.
“I’m waiting for you to leave,” Sean answered repeating a conversation that took place every morning.
“Why are you waiting for me to leave?” Lily asked wondering what answer her brother was going to give her that morning.
Wanting to get rid of her, Sean answered, “I’m naked.”
Lily ran from the room shouting, “Mommy, Sean’s a pervert!”
Sean sat up in bed and ran his fingers through his hair. His little sister didn’t even know what a pervert was, but had liked the sound of it when she’d heard it on the television a couple weeks ago. She was ten years younger than him and would be entering second grade when school started in September. He would be starting his senior year, but at the moment he was in the middle of summer vacation. It wasn’t fair that he had to get up before the roosters crowed during summer vacation.
He sighed thinking it was hell being a night person and living in a house full of morning people. At least dealing with her had given him time for his morning woody to abate. He grabbed his old grungy sweat pants and put them on. He opened his drawer looking for a tee-shirt and found it was empty. Stumbling over to his closet, he looked for a shirt to wear. He grabbed the first shirt that came to hand. He didn’t notice that it was a thick cotton plaid shirt that was more appropriate for winter wear.
He stumbled out of his room and headed towards the bathroom. As was the case most mornings, the door was closed.
Groaning, he said, “You’d think that she could use it before coming in to wake me.”
He sat down on the floor waiting for her to finish. He yawned and closed his eyes wishing that his family would let him sleep late on occasion. His eyes popped open when Lily shouted, “Wake-ee, Wake-ee!”
“I’m awake,” Sean groaned wishing that just once they’d let him sleep late.
“Your eyes were shut,” she said looking at him as if daring him to argue.
Rather than argue, he rose from the floor and headed into the bathroom. If it wasn’t for the pressure in his bladder, he would have turned around and headed back into his bedroom. He hated mornings. He had just started urinating when his little sister banged on the door and shouted, “Don’t fall asleep in there.”
He shook his head thinking that his one attempt to get a little more sleep earlier that summer had been a major mistake. He had figured that no one would notice if he got a little half hour nap in the bathroom. He had hoped they’d just chalk it up to him taking a dump. Now he couldn’t take his morning piss without having his little sister banging on the door every few minutes.
He shouted, “I’m awake!”
He could hear Lily running down the hall to report his morning progress to their mother. He finished his piss and washed his hands. With a yawn, he said, “Time to face the rest of the family.”
Opening the door in time to face his sister, he said, “I hate mornings.”
“You’re so grumpy in the morning,” Lily said.
Sean followed Lily to the kitchen. His mother looked up when he entered the room and said, “Good morning, sleepyhead.”
“It is six-thirty. Normal people are still asleep,” Sean said shaking his head.
“Early to bed and early to wise, makes a man healthy wealthy and wise,” she replied.
Sean said, “Ben Franklin was a sick bastard.”
His mother hit him in the back of his head and said, “Don’t talk like that in front of your sister.”
“Let me sleep in the morning and I won’t talk like that in front of anyone,” Sean said rubbing the back of his head.
“Quite complaining,” his mother said, “We’re out of milk. I need you to run to the store.”
“I’m still half asleep,” Sean complained.
His mother looked at him and said, “You’re so grumpy in the morning. It is hard to believe that you’re our child. Look at your sister, she’s cheerful. Your father is cheerful. I’m cheerful. All of us are cheerful except for you, Mr. Grumpy. What’s the matter with you?”
“I hate mornings,” Sean said.
His mother said, “You can’t hate mornings. Mornings have dimples when they smile.”
“That doesn’t make sense,” Sean said.
His mother pointed to the door and said, “Now go get some milk from the store.”
Sean rolled his eyes and held out his hand. He said, “I’ll need some money.”
“It is on the counter,” his mother said. Remembering that she had sent him to the store in the morning the previous day and that the clerk had enforced the no shirt, no shoes, no service rule, she added, “Wear shoes.”
Sean went over to the counter and picked up the money. Stopping by the back door, he slipped on a pair of shoes. It probably would have been better if he had been wearing socks, but his mind was still in that sluggish first-thing-in-the-morning state. He headed out the back door to take the shortcut through the woods to the convenience store. He paused at the entrance to the path and then said, “It should be safe enough. Dickhead is probably still in bed.”
A hundred yards into the woods, Sean groaned and came to a stop. The bane of his existence was in the middle of the path. Max Baxter, jock and hater of any kind of intelligent person, was standing with his back to him wearing a jogging outfit. He wondered what Max was doing just standing there.
Sean said, “I hate mornings.”
Max turned to face Sean. Frowning, Sean took a good look at what was going on in front of him. It looked like Max was holding a small girl upside down by her legs. At least it looked like a little girl. She had long hair that hung down to the ground and a dress that had fallen to her waist. Max was holding her legs spread and staring lewdly at her. The idea of Max abusing a young girl the age of his sister, caused his blood to boil. Despite knowing that he was going to die, Sean screamed and charged.
Max looked up surprised to see the wimp charging towards him. He tossed his captive aside and smiled at the chance to beat some more sense into the wimp. It wouldn’t take long to take care of Sean and he’d be able to catch her before she got too far away. He stood confidently, ready to catch Sean.
Sean was just a few feet away from Max when he tripped over a root. His wrist and the back of his hand, outstretched to catch his fall, struck Max in the balls. His head hit Max right in the stomach with the full force of his body behind it. He was lucky he didn’t break his neck. The net result of his accident was that Max went down like a rag doll, curled up into a ball, and started vomiting.
Stunned by what he had done, Sean sat up and blinked. The impossible had happened. Max was down on the ground, and in worse shape than he was. He considered getting up and kicking Max a few times, but thought better of it. He knew that the next time Max got his hands on him that the outcome was likely to be vastly different.
The girl he had rescued was standing in front of him. He wiped his eyes and looked at her again. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing.
Confused, he said, “You have a beard.”
“Yes,” Clea said, “I’m a dwarf.”
“Yes, I’m a dwarf,” Clea said.
Chom came out of the woods and looked at Sean. He said, “He’s a rather unlikely hero.”
“There was no skill in that take down. He’s definitely lucky to beat someone so much bigger than him,” Pip said while stepping out of the woods.
“Look at his clothes. He’s wearing one black shoe and one brown shoe,” Clea said.
Sean looked at his feet. He’d put on one of his shoes and one of his father’s shoes. He shook his head and said, “This has got to be some kind of bad dream.”
“He’s got horrible taste in clothes. Who wears a plaid winter shirt with sweat pants in the middle of summer?” Chom said.
Sean looked at the three little people standing in front of him. It was obvious that two of them were male and the third was a female based on the size of the tits on her chest. Arguing against that was her beard.
Convinced that he was dreaming, he asked, “When do the naked women show up?”
“He’s horny,” Pip said.
“He’s a male and that’s a given,” Clea said with her hands on her hips. She had expected something a little more than this guy.
“Do you own any silver?” Chom asked.
“Yes,” Sean answered.
“So! He’s the one,” Pip said.
Sean looked over at Max who was starting to get up. He asked, “What about him?”
Clea went over and picked up Max. With an ease that should have been impossible, she tossed him a hundred yards into the woods. Returning to stand in front of Sean, she said, “That guy is a jerk. He could have just asked and I would have showed him. Instead he has to dangle me upside down with my legs spread.”
His early morning mental fog was starting to lift.
Pip felt another wave of weakness wash over himself and said, “I don’t have much time. Can we make the deal now?”
Chom looked at Pip and decided that they didn’t have much time. He asked, “How would you like to have magic powers?”
“That would be nice,” Sean said wondering what kind of dream this was. He looked around and asked, “When do the naked woman show up? Come on, I’m going to have to wake up soon.”
Pip said, “Let’s just get it over.”
“It looks like he’s the right one. He’s just about as smart as Merlin. That guy couldn’t think his way beyond sex,” Chom said shaking his head.
“I hate mornings even if I am dreaming one,” Sean said.
Chom said, “He’s hopeless.”
Clea asked, “What is your name?”
“Sean, come back here at noon and bring some silver with you. We’ll give you the gift of magic,” Clea said.
Bruised and battered, Max crawled out of the woods. Looking at Sean, he said, “I’m going to kill you.”
Chom shook his head and looked up to the sky. He walked over to Max and tossed him back in the woods. Sean could hear Max scream and then there was the thud as he hit the ground.
Sean said, “That’s got to hurt.”
Returning to where Sean was still sitting on the ground, Chom said, “The youth today are pretty stupid if you want my opinion.”
Feeling left out of all of the fun, Pip said, “It is my turn to toss him when he comes over again.”
Clea ignored the action taking place behind her and said, “Sean, this isn’t a dream. Come back here at noon. Bring some silver with you. We’ll give you the gift of magic.”
“Okay,” Sean said wondering how people so small could toss Max around like that. Of course, anything was possible in a dream.
“You’ll do it?” Pip asked.
“Sure,” Sean said rubbing the back of his neck.
Clea asked, “What were you doing out here?”
He looked around trying to remember the beginning of this weird dream. Finally, he said, “I’m supposed to be getting some milk from the store.”
“You should do that. and then come back here at noon,” Clea said.
“I’m waiting for the naked women to show up,” Sean said.
Clea lifted her dress and said, “Look all you want and then go to the store. Come back at noon with silver.”
“Okay,” Sean said taking a good look. He tented his sweat pants.
“You might as well take care of that. You can’t go walking into a store with a boner,” Clea said.
“How?” Sean asked. He noticed Chom making a gesture like he was jacking off.
After he finished, Clea said, “Go to the store, now.”
“I guess I better. It doesn’t look like I’ll be waking up anytime soon,” Sean said pulling his sweat pants up around his waist.
Shaking his head, Chom watched Sean walk down the path. He looked at the money on the ground and sent it to Sean’s hand. He looked over at Clea and asked, “That’s a strange kid. Why did you show him yourself, like that?”
“I felt like it,” Clea answered. She looked at Pip and Chom for a second before she added, “It has been decades since either of you have asked to see it.”
“That’s true,” Pip said.
Chom said, “It was a lot of fun for the first ten thousand years, but it got old after that.”
“There was supposed to be a lot of that last night at the Magic Folk Soiree, but nothing happened,” Clea said with a frown. She smiled and asked, “So do you want to see it?”
“Might as well,” Chom said.
Pip said, “Sure. We’ve got a couple of hours to kill.”
Sean arrived at the store and got the milk out of the cooler. He looked at the money in his hand and wondered how he had managed to keep ahold of it. He went to the counter and put the money down. The clerk looked over at his feet and said, “You do know that you have a black shoe and a brown shoe, don’t you?”
“The dwarves already pointed that out to me,” Sean answered grabbing the milk.
“You’re a strange kid,” the clerk said ringing up the sale.
Walking out of the store, Sean said, “This sure is a strange dream. I should have awakened by now.”
He headed home and reached the spot where he had met the dwarves. There was no sign that anyone had been there. Scratching his cheek, he looked around and said, “I wonder if this is when the naked woman show up.”
When nothing happened, he headed back home. He reached home and handed his mother the bottle of milk. He dropped the change in the change jar. She looked at him with an expression of concern on her face. In a worried voice, she said, “Max Baxter’s mother called. She said that you and three midgets beat up Max.”
Looking at his mother, Sean said, “This dream is just getting weirder and weirder.”
“Sean, you look like you’ve been in a fight,” his mother said.
“It is all just a dream,” Sean said. He hoped that his mother wasn’t going to be the naked woman in his dream. He didn’t think he could handle that.
Frowning, his mother held a hand against his forehead and asked, “Are you feeling okay?”
“I’m just waiting for this dream to end,” Sean said.
His mother said, “Tell me about the midgets.”
“Dwarves. They were dwarves — two males and a female,” Sean said.
“How do you know they were dwarves?” his mother asked.
“They all had beards,” Sean answered.
“If they all had beards, how do you know that one of them was a female?” his mother asked.
“The female dwarf had huge breasts and she let me look at her...” he answered with a wave of his hand at his crotch.
“Sean Connery Michaels!”
Sean grimaced at hearing his mother use his full name. He hated it. His mother and father had been great fans of the fictional British spy. He said, “This dream is just getting worse and worse.”
“You’ll be having a nightmare if you keep talking like that,” his mother said.
Sean grimaced at the thought of this dream turning into a nightmare. He said, “I hope that you aren’t the naked woman who is supposed to appear in my dream. I really don’t think I could handle that.”
His mother put her hand to her mouth shocked that her son would dare say something like that. She screamed, “How dare you say those kinds of things to me?”
“I can say all kinds of things. After all, this is just a dream,” Sean said.
“You aren’t dreaming,” his mother said in a very concerned tone of voice. She was afraid that he must have really taken a hard one to the head to be so confused.
Looking at her, he said, “Of course it is a dream. There’s no way that I’d ever beat Max in a fight. There are no such things as dwarves. There’s no way a female dwarf with a beard would let me jack off while looking at her...” He waved again.
“Maybe you should go up to your room and lie down for a while,” his mother suggested. She wondered how hard Sean had hit his head.
Sean wasn’t going to argue about getting a little extra sleep in the morning even if it was happening in a dream. He immediately went to his bedroom. Going over to his bed, he looked at the alarm clock. It was seven thirty. He got into bed, yawned, and promptly fell asleep.
Sean woke up and looked at the alarm clock ready to turn it off before his little sister came charging into the room. He stared at the time wondering how his mother had let him sleep until eleven. He looked down at his clothes. He was wearing a plaid shirt and the sweat pants. He ran his fingers through his hair and said, “This is weird. I must have been sleepwalking in my dream.”
He stomach growled. Hungry, he headed to the kitchen. He fixed a bowl of cereal and sat down to eat. His mother came into the kitchen and asked, “How are you feeling?”
“Fine,” Sean said. He dipped a spoon into the bowl of cereal and said, “I had the strangest dream this morning. You wouldn’t believe it if I were to tell it to you.”
“Tell me about it,” she said crossing her arms.
Sean shoveled the cereal into his mouth remembering some of the details of the dream. There was no way that he was going to tell her about jacking off while looking at the female dwarf. He swallowed and said, “I had a fight with Max and actually beat him. There were dwarves there. It was really wild.”
“Anything special happen with the dwarves?” his mother asked pointedly. She wondered if he was going to get into all of the sex stuff again.
Rather than answering, Sean ate another spoonful of cereal. He looked up at her and saw that she was still waiting for an answer. Shrugging his shoulders, he answered, “Just normal teenage dream kind of stuff.”
“Okay,” his mother said, thinking that teenage dreams must have changed a lot since she was a teenager. She couldn’t recall ever dreaming about masturbating while staring at a midget. Wanting to get to the bottom of the story, she had stopped by the Baxter’s house and had seen how Max looked. The boy was in pretty sad shape.
Sean glanced at the kitchen clock and returned to eating his cereal. He looked over at his mother and could see that she was still watching him. He asked, “Is there something wrong?”
“I saw Max Baxter,” his mother said watching his reaction. At least Max’s mother didn’t believe the story. There were enough ridiculous elements to it that it appeared Max was lying. There was no way that Sean could have beaten Max like that. Max’s mother may not have believed the story, but it jibbed with things that Sean had said earlier that morning.
“Okay,” Sean replied wondering what was so significant about that.
She had to admit that it was a pretty wild story. A midget toss involved tossing the midget, not having the midgets toss a very large high school kid who was an offensive guard on the football team. She said, “He told me essentially the same story. He said that you beat him up and some midgets threw him into the woods.”
“How’d he know about my dream?” Sean asked puzzled.
“It wasn’t a dream,” his mother said.
“Dwarves don’t exist,” Sean said.
“Midgets do,” his mother said.
“Female midgets don’t have beards that go down to their waist,” Sean said pointing a finger at his mother making a point.
“Max was in serious shape. His mother told me that his testicles were injured. He had cuts and scrapes over most of his body. He can barely move.”
Puzzled by his mother’s insistence that his dream was true, Sean said, “Maybe he tripped when he was jogging and wants to blame me.”
“Sean, it wasn’t a dream,” his mother said putting a hand on his arm. She said, “Max told the same story that you told me this morning. You beat him up and some midgets threw him into the woods.”
“I didn’t go anywhere this morning, I just woke up,” Sean said trying to remember the kinds of things that he had told his mother in the dream.
“You went to the store and bought milk this morning. You got in a fight with Max and you saw some midgets,” his mother said. She wasn’t going to mention the bit about having sex with the midget. That was just too strange.
Sean looked down at his clothes thinking that he had worn them in his dream. It didn’t make any sense unless...
He didn’t want to finish that thought. For the first time since seeing the dwarves, he questioned his belief that it had all been a dream. His mother was telling him details about his dream. He said, “It had to be a dream. Things like that don’t happen in real life.”
He finished his cereal under the watchful eye of his mother. He carried the bowl over to the sink and rinsed it out. Returning to the table, he glanced at the clock. Thinking that if it wasn’t a dream that he might as well find out about that gift of magic business. The dwarves had told him to be back at noon and to bring some silver.
He returned to his bedroom and pulled out his rather substantial coin collection. Glancing at the clock, he realized that he didn’t have much time. He started pulling pre-1965 quarters and dimes from the cardboard holders. When there were too many to hold, he grabbed a sock and put the coins in it. He stopped when the sock was about half full and said, “They didn’t say how much silver to bring.”
He hefted the sock and decided that it had enough silver in it. He glanced at the clock and realized that he would have to leave now if he were to get there before noon. He headed over towards the backdoor and put on a pair of flip-flops.
As he raced out the door, his mother asked, “Where are you going?”
“I’m going to trade some silver for a gift of magic,” Sean answered after the door closed behind him.
Edited By TeNderLoin