Eden Virus
Chapter 35

Copyright© 2020 by JTaKeo

The previously long days now felt so short as I walked through the usual lonely road.

DING DING DING

Even from a distance, the sound of the school’s evening bells could be heard. Each chime brought about a cool breeze that blew through me as I snuggle tightly into my muffler.

“Maybe I should have worn another layer.” I found myself thinking while I watched the falling leaves danced along with the wind. The autumn colors that surrounded me were mixing together with the golden hour that swept across the narrow path, bringing about such a beautiful yet melancholic sight.

“Ryuu-chii...!”

A familiar voice called to me from ahead, clear as crystal even through the still tolling sound of the distant bell. I didn’t have to look to know who it was. Instead I immediately took a turn without even giving a glance, trying to get away as fast as I could.

“Yo, Ryuuko...”

But from behind came another voice. As if having expected me to try and run, she blocked my escape. Her arms were crossed and on her familiar face was a serious, yet sadden look.

“Please don’t make this anymore harder than it has to be.”

I could easily hear the weariness in Mifue’s pleading voice. Despite her firm stance as she stood before me, I could see the reluctance in her eyes. It was clear that she did not want to do this but was not going to let me get away this time.

“Ryuu-chii...”

Suzuna called to me again, her voice more quiet, almost a whisper, as she got closer. I turned back to see a kind yet wary smile on her face. Hesitantly, she reached her right hand towards me and carefully grabbed ahold my left arm.

“Come on, let’s go.”

Her hand that held onto my arm was gentle, but her grip was tight. As if making sure I wouldn’t run away. However I did not fight her, even as she tugged me along with her.


The three of us made our way back to the direction of the school as the sound of the evening bell finally died out.

Everyone was quiet as we walked together. Nobody said a word, with only the crunching sound of leaves beneath out feet. Mifue was following carefully behind both of us, I could feel her stares at my back but whenever I turned to her, she would sulk away as if not wanting to meet with my eyes.

Suzuna was walking by my side, her hand was wrapped around mine. Her grip was loosening once she realize I wasn’t going to give any trouble but was still firmly holding onto my left arm. She was smiling weakly, as if forcing herself, every time I glanced over to her.

“Umm ... it’s been some time, hasn’t it, Ryuu-chii?”

I didn’t speak, but instead just nodded my head in agreement.

“You’ve been avoiding us, haven’t you?”

“Mi-chii ... shhh!”

Suzuna shushed Mifue before turning back to me with a sympathetic look on her face.

“ ... Umm ... Are you cold? The weather has been dropping quite a bit these past few days. I brought some heat pads if you like one. Oh, or even better I have an extra pair of tights you can put on if you want, Ryuu-chii.”

I did not respond. Instead I only stared at the ground and watched our feet as we all trudge along the school pavement. Seeing my lack of reply, the smile faded from her face as she wrapped her other arm across my left. Her eyes carefully moved over to where my right arm was, still swollen and covered in red marks.

“Does it hurt?”

I shook my head.

“I’d be surprise if you could feel anything at all. With the amount of times you must’ve pinched yourself, it’s probably numb by now.”

“Ryuu-chii, speak up if it hurts, okay?”

I weakly nodded my head in compliance. It was as Mifue said, my entire arm was indeed numb yet still there were stings of aching pain with every little movement. Each blow of the chilly wind was like a small blade sliding across my redden skin but I kept quiet.

It did hurt, not from the pain, but instead from the realization that this was indeed all real. That none of this was a terrible nightmare, and that no matter how much or how hard I had pinched myself, I won’t wake up.

It hurts. It hurts so much, yet no matter how much it hurt ... I was unable to cry. I could not feel anything. No sadness, anger, nor joy. Everything was so empty, as I shambled along with the other two who were slowly treading alongside me.

“We tried our best to speak to Koto-chii. Well, Mi-chii did most of the work but it should be fine now...”

“That girl is as stubborn as she is annoying. But despite all that she had said to you last time, I’m sure deep down she feels bad about it. She still worries about you just as much as we do, even if she might deny it. That’s why, it’s best we try to fix all this while we still can.”

Mifue gave a weary sigh as she picked up speed and began walking besides me.

“Ryuuko ... I know it’s been hard for you but, we’re still your friends. Please try to remember that.”

I stayed silent and slowly nodded my head. Despite Mifue’s kind words, it felt so hollow.

Friends...? That word ... it sounds so meaningless. Friends ... yes, they were my friends, were they not? Mifue, Suzuna, Kotono, were my friends.

Just as she was.

And just as she was; hearing those words spoken to me for some reason brought me discomfort.

“If they are my friends, does that not mean...?” Suddenly came a perplexing thought, as I pondered the point of all this. Suzuna’s grip was loosening even as she continued to pull me, but she still was not letting go.


“You guys are late. Like, what took you so long?”

“Ahahaha ... sorry Koto-chii.”

I was brought to the back of the school where Kotono was. She was completely flustered, looking annoyed as if she had been impatiently waiting for us this whole time. Suzuna finally let go of my arm, although reluctantly, as she stepped over to Kotono’s side and stood quietly behind her.

“So Ryuuko, you won’t run away this time? I don’t want to have to go after you again like before.”

I quietly nodded my head and heard Mifue gave a sigh of relief as she too went over to where Kotono was. Her eyes were fixed on me even as she moved away, as if preparing herself to give chase just in case.

However, this time, I had no intention of running away. Instead I only stood there silently, looking over at the three girls with their backs to the school’s wall. Kotono had her hands on her hips, also not saying anything as she only looked at me but her foot was tapping anxiously. It was as if she wanted to speak, but was instead waiting for me to have the first words.

“Kotono...” I finally opened my mouth and meekly allowed the words to spill out. There was much I wanted to say. Much I wanted to talk about. So much feeling and emotions that were bottled up that was waiting to be released.

“H-hello...”

Yet, those were the only word to actually leave my mouth. My mind was completely blank, as no other words of conversation came to me.

“Mmgh ... Is that, like, all you have to say? Of all the things, shouldn’t you at least- OW!”

“Kotono, we talked about this.”

Mifue warned as she jabbed her in her right arm.

“Okay, fine! G-greetings are, like, important, yeah. Ahem! H-hey Ryuuko. It’s been some time.”

I nodded my head in reply, but was quiet.

“Errr ... ummm ... Like ... The thing is ... geez...”

Kotono’s face was red as she seemed to also be struggling to also find words.

“It’s good to see you’re doing well...” I spoke up again. My voice that came out was monotone, as I tried to force the edge of my mouth to a smile. The usage of my facial muscles brought about a bit of unease, like the feeling of moving something that hasn’t been in use for a long time.

It hurts.

“Huh? Y-yeah. The same for you too ... like, you’re looking ... fine.”

Once again, an awkward silence hung in the air. Neither one of us were speaking as we only stared at each other.

“This really is going nowhere with you two. Come on Kotono, what are you even doing?”

“Oooh! Quiet you! I’m, like, trying my best! You were the one that dragged me here without even, like, giving me time to prepare!”

“You had a whole hour!”

“You brought me here, and waited an hour at the back of the school? For what reason did you guys do all this for?” I asked, tilting my head.

“Y-you should know why. I...”

I watched as Kotono took a deep breath before turning to me with a serious look on her face.

“Ryuuko, I want to, like ... a-about before. To say s-sorry. About what I said to you. It was just, like, I was angry when I found out about everything. I just didn’t understand why you had to hide that ... that you were friends with that girl.”

“It was because you hated her. You’ve said it yourself.” I bluntly answered her.

“O-okay, I know I’ve said that before. Like, yeah, but it still made me angry that you kept it such a secret to us. Did you think that we would hate you as well if we had found out? I wasn’t, like, angry finding out you were friends with her, but instead because you lied to us. More than anything, I hate disingenuous people and you know that! Do we really look, like, that shallow to you, that you didn’t even trust us? Were we not also your friends!?”

Kotono’s words as she spoke felt as if it was the same as the wind, blowing towards me yet there did not feel to be any substance. I could feel nothing, even as I watched her squirm and struggled. She was trying to apologizing, but for what reason, I did not understand. My head was dizzy. My body felt cold, as I stood before the three of my “friends”.

“Kotono, where are you going with all this? What is your point?” I said aloofly. My head was starting to spin and I felt like collapsing at any moment. It hurts. Everything hurts.

“Huh?! W-what is my point- I’m trying to apologize to you!”

“Is that so? For what reason? You did nothing wrong. After all, everything ... everything was my fault. Heh ... heh heh...” I suddenly find myself giggling. The moment those thoughts came to my mind, I could not help but feel amused.

All of this was because of me. It was all my fault, no one else’s.

“Heh ... heh ha ha ha ... Why would anyone else have to apologize? Nobody did anything wrong. The only person who should feel bad is ... ha ha ha.” Turning to the shocked looked of the others, I watched as they were completely baffled at my sudden change in demeanor. Seeing the look on their face brought back memories.

Ah ... how foolish of me. How could I have ever forgotten? The look in their eyes as they stared at me, were the very same that I had directed at me all those terrible times. Not just from them, but as I looked into the reflection of their eyes, I too could see it perfectly.

The image of someone; someone who should not be anywhere near them, or anyone else.

It was so strange, as a feeling of warm nostalgia swept over me. It was from this sight, their familiar look of bewilderment that was directed towards me, that brought about an unexpected comfort. Maybe, it was because in this entire sea of confusion and inapplicability, there finally was something I could understand as I stared into and saw through their eyes, the same disgraceful look of a person that others had always seen whenever they look towards me.

They were all the same. Everyone was all the same.

“Ha ha ha...” I found myself chuckling again. My head started to feel dizzy as the air left my lungs and I was exhaling more than breathing.

“Ryuu-chii.”

“Please don’t come any closer.” I exclaimed as Suzuna moved towards me with concern. She immediately stopped as I slowly took a step back away from them.

“Everyone, I was really happy. To be able to spend all that time with you. It was fun. I did think of you all as my friends. But, I don’t think it’s possible anymore.”

“Ryuuko, what are you saying?!”

“I finally understand. I don’t belong with any of you. I don’t belong with anyone else. After all, I am nothing but scum.” I replied with a pained smile.

“HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! What the heck are you, like, trying to say?! Have you lost your mind?”

“Not at all. My head is clear and everything is finally starting to make sense. Ha ha ... I don’t deserve to be around any of you. This is what I get, for being such a selfish bitc-”

“ARE YOU EVEN, LIKE, HEARING YOURSELF RIGHT NOW!?”

Kotono immediately grabbed me by the shoulders. Her hold was strong, gripping me so tightly, and prevented me from getting away as she violently shook me.

“Listen to me, Ryuuko. That girl ... she’s gone. She’s not coming back! It’s hard, but you’re going to have to accept that. No amount of blaming yourself is going to, like, make a difference but you must get ahold of yourself!”

I gazed into her sadden eyes as she spoke. I could hear her words, yet I still felt nothing from them. Perhaps it was because I understand completely. I am completely fine. I am completely normal.

I feel nothing.

“Yes, she’s not coming back. You’re right.” I repeated those words with amusement. “So what?”

“Ryuuko...”

“Kotono, Suzuna, Mifue ... you’re all such wonderful people. How great it would have been, if we could be together always. To stay friends with all of you. But to be around trash like me, you don’t deserve such punishment.” I giggled. “It would be better if you just forget about me-”

SLAP

“RYUU-CHII”

“KOTONO!”

A sharp pain came across my face as I fell to the ground.

“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! All this stupid self-blame ... this isn’t you! Like, where was the girl that was full of life when we first met? The one who during her class introduction spoke with such boisterous energy the entire class laughed and cheered for you when you said you’re taking applications for 100 friends?! Are you telling me that everything you’ve done, all the time you’ve spent with us was, like, nothing but a lie?! That the one person we all, like, felt brought the most to our group, the one that we all, like, looked forward to spending time with every day, is this self-wallowing pile of disgrace?!”

“Kotono, that’s enough!”

“Shut up! Answer me Ryuuko!”

Laying there, I could only stare up at the orange skies. My body was still as I felt the stabs of rocks beneath me on the hard school ground. On my right cheek was a burning sensation from where Kotono had struck me.

“Yes.” The words left my mouth without hesitation. “I’ve been using all of you. I wanted to fit in with everyone else, I was afraid of being an outcast again. I kept my friendship with Asumi a secret because I was ashamed of being associating with her, abandoning her when she needed me the most just for the idiotic desire of wanting to be with everyone else, but was too selfish to let her go because I knew she needed me.”

I got up and dusted my clothes as I turned to the three girls who stood before me.

“I knew what was happening yet I still did nothing to save her. I only thought of myself, and maybe even deep down, I had hoped for all of this. Awful ... I’m awful, aren’t I? I’m terrible aren’t I? The absolute worse. Ha ... hahaha...” I laughed quietly, hiding my face away as I spoke. “I don’t deserve to be with others. I will only betray all of you as well. That’s why ... it would be best ... if all of you just leave me alone.”

 
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