The Enchanted Outhouse - Cover

The Enchanted Outhouse

Copyright© 2011 by TC Allen

Chapter 16: Showdown at the Outhouse

"Rachel!" Posy screamed as she came in the front door and saw us in the office. "Oh, what are you doing here? You're in danger you must leave. We'll hide you. I'm going to have a baby and ... and ... and, I'm rattling, aren't I?" She hugged Rachel.

Bill came in and shook my hand. "What brings you back? This is not the safest place in the world to be. People are still looking for you. The feds have a fugitive warrant out on you. Armed men have been prowling the hills behind the house."

"I know, Bill. But the time has come to go on the offensive. I want you and Jason to hire a small army if you can. I'll try to buy up all the property around this place. I want armed patrols twenty-four hours a day. I also intend to appear on your TV show tonight.

I have a list of eight people. I shall read the list on the air and tell the public what has been going on. We'll need an army with us tonight.

Bill grinned. "We already feed twenty men. They patrol this place constantly. Ralph has purchased all the land around here except the state and federal lands. Those we lease for a wild life refuge privately funded. Any other orders?"

I could feel my face turn red. "Ah, yes." I was saved further embarrassment as the phone began to ring.

"It's me. How are you, Jackson?"

"Forrest, are you home?" Jackson still had a firm grasp on the obvious. "May I come out and see you? I missed you because..." Jackson's voice trailed off.

"Rachel and I have missed you as well, Jackson." Forrest was surprised how much he enjoyed the sound of Jackson's voice.

"Rachel and I want you to bring your crew with you. We'll order a pizza and you can be the first to interview me since we've returned ... Then you and Bill will have me on the Forrest Eden Show this evening. We have a busy time ahead of us, Tiger."

"I'll be right out and just bring Pete with me."

I hung up and sat back in my chair. Ralph came in and yelled, "Who belongs to the strange motorcycles out there? I left standing orders ... Duke?"

"We're in here, Ralph," I called out. He and Abe came into the office.

"You look different," he said. "Rachel, you look even more beautiful.

I handed Abe the list of eight names. "One of our enemies is on this list. I don't think there are over three in all. One has cancer, throat cancer, I believe. I have no idea about the other two or even if there are two more. Can you call around and find out anything?"

"If you're right, you picked some bad people for enemies." He reread the list and shook his head. These are the most powerful people in Washington today, except this one." He pointed to the second name on the list. "He died this morning."

"Seven little Indians all in a row," I murmured under my breath, quoting the children's nursery rhyme. I was positive he was one of my enemies for certain. For some reason things were coming to a head all at once. The phone rang again.

"Yo," I answered it. I had a hunch. "Say, I'm sorry about your friend who kicked the bucket. As you are aware, he might still be alive if you people had approached me in a straightforward manner. Now look at you." I guessed right, if "guess" is the right word.

"You fool," he hissed at me, "You still don't know who you're dealing with. I can reach out and get you any time I..."

"Yeah, yeah, been there and done it and you have egg all over your face to prove it. You have less than a year to live and the malignancy grows worse and more painful almost by the hour. I have access to better information than you do."

"You're guessing!" The voice sounded panic stricken.

Bill shoved a not in front of me. "Max Stern," was printed on it. The name rang a bell, then I remembered.

Max Stern was the second richest man in the world. He made Bill Gates look like a pauper. He owned oil

companies, mining companies and virtual slave plantations in Africa. He was an evil man who had no redeeming qualities. He claimed to be a Satanist. I believed it.

"Max, you're going to die. I would not help you under any circumstances even if I could. Your little cabal of evil old men does not belong in this world."

"What did you say?" he wheezed. You couldn't know who..." The sound of gasping and groaning and a gargled sigh came over the speakerphone.

Then a new voice exclaimed, "Mister Stern! What's wrong? Oh my god, he's dead! Call Mister Ito! Tell him what has happened." Then someone hung the phone up.

"Well," Ralph said, "Hiroshi Ito, the banker and behind the scenes manipulator in the Orient. I hope he's the last one."

"Did you record all this?" I asked Jason.

"Yes, when I threw the switch this afternoon it automatically recorded everything on both ends of the line. I left it on.

"Harold Murchison, Max Stern and Hiroshi Ito are all three under indictment for everything from stock manipulation to currency fraud. They are known as "The Unholy Trio" by the Justice Department." Ralph was in awe of what had just happened.

"You mean three old men were the cause of all out trouble?" Rachel asked in unbelief? "Three old men?" She looked down at the floor and whispered, "Three old men."

"Three old men with a lot of money and no conscience to restrain them," Abe corrected her. "Three desperate old men."

"What about Ito?" I asked.

"There's very little he can do by himself. He's in Japan and not permitted to travel for both legal and health reasons. He will be forced to back off and try to live as long as he can without any help from our boy here." Ralph smiled. He sounded very pleased.

"Oh, how I hope so," Rachel said. "I want us to be able to settle down and become just another family."

"Forrest," Ralph interrupted, "Why did you decide to come home at just this time?" He looked very puzzled.

"Because I knew it was time to stop running and begin to fight back. Does it make sense to you?" I didn't know how to tell him something inside me said it was time.

"No, it doesn't," Ralph answered. "But no matter. All during this whole thing I haven't known what was going on. It didn't stop us from making a profit, though."

He grinned his refugee from a gangster movie

smile. "Off hand I'd say we made quite a profit. With you back and on The Forrest Eden Show, you won't be eligible for welfare any time soon."

"I'll make a weekly appearance, perhaps. But let's just keep things going as they are. Bill and Jackson have built the show around themselves. They should get the credit, not me." Later on I'll do a talk show of my own if I feel the need. Let's start the change by calling the show, "Forrest Eden presents Bill Haines and Jackson Parker." Later on quietly drop my name. Jackson has his own news program and Posy has all those kids to watch over.

"Where are the kids, anyway?" Posy was here and Bill was here. I wondered where the kids were.

"They are on a fun trip in Florida. They're due back next week. Oh, they will be so glad to see you back, especially Sarah.

"Bring them all out when they get home, I'm anxious to see them," I told her. I think things are ready to settle down. Two of the three bad guys are dead. The third one is bedridden in Japan and won't cause us any more problems. We are now in the happily ever after stage of this mess." I hope we are, I thought to myself. We had already been through more than our share of crazy times.

The two guards assigned the task to take the bogus electrician back to his bosses returned and gave a report. "We had to take the guy to the hospital. The electrical repair company was locked up tight and everybody was gone. What gives?"

"The enemy has decamped," Abe Goldman grinned. "Once friend Max kicked the bucket, all the bad guys were ordered to return home. There was no reason to stay if the guy who signed the paychecks was dead."

He looked up at the ceiling and frowned, "I wonder how much there is in the Stern estate's coffers?" He whipped out his always handy cell phone and began to talk.

We all let out individual sighs of relief. "Well, I guess I should return to the east coast," Jason said.

"Stick around and help us set up a security detail for Mister and Missus Eden. Bill has his hands full with the talk show and his candidacy for mayor. Posy is busy raising all those kids and we still need body guards out here," Ralph told him.

"Maybe the men and I could just stay on here?" Jason asked. "We like the work here and the Edens are nice people. Besides, other than those Mormons who disavowed that there were any connections between you and the church, the people here are nice."

"The Church what?" Rachel stared at Jason, then at Forrest and back at Jason again.

Ralph cut in, "You cut any big shot politician or preacher and they all bleed yellow."

"Isn't that a little harsh?" I had never been a fan of any religion, but felt this was a bit too judgmental, even for Ralph.

"The Billy Graham family, Morris Cerullo, Fred Jordan, all of them are the same. You forget I own a newspaper, a few radio stations and two TV stations.

They all have reporters who have dug up the dirt on more than one person we let slide for one reason or other."

"Getting back to the subject at hand," Jason cut in, "What about my men and I? We'd like to stay out here."

"Talk to Forrest here," he's your new employer." Ralph told him.

"Talk to Rachel here, she's the boss in the family," I said.

"You're on," Rachel said. Jason laughed and shook his head. How easy it was to feel at home again.


Bill opened their television show, "Friends, tonight we have a special treat. Forrest and Rachel Eden are with us," They have been at the center of controversy, hatred and jealousy. They are here tonight to bring us up to date on their high adventures." For once Jackson kept quiet.

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