Madazine
Chapter 6: Venturesome Vacations

Excellent results have been announced by Hairshirt Holidays Ltd., British subsidiary of US giant, General Hazards Inc. These companies are dedicated to catering for those who wish to ginger up their breaks with a significant element of risk. UK Chief Executive Wayne Bumpkin was in effervescent mood after revealing the figures. “We’ve no time for wimps,” he chortled. “Aside from the fact that we don’t accept anyone under eighteen, neither age nor gender matters, as long as our customers come up to scratch. Just contact us and we’ll try to tailor the danger to your requirements.” Hairshirt usually obliges, as happy vacationers confirmed.

Bank cashier Sharon Gourd (29) of Wembley was interviewed after paying £650 to spend a week immersed in liquid coolant siphoned from a nuclear reactor. Asked how she felt, she said: “A little blue, but basically radiant.” Stroking her newly acquired tail, she added: “An extra nose must be a plus, and talk about afterglow...” Bumpkin maintains that this is just the tip of the iceberg, in terms of spin-off from the atomic power programme, and that the leisure subsidiaries will eventually be bigger than the parent industry.

Doncaster architect Norman Thinstaff parted with £800 for ten days of virtually non-stop snorkeling in a San Diego shark tank. He was not available for comment, though his brother described him as a bit cut up, but more than satisfied.’ Mr Thinstaff was particularly pleased with the cuisine, having – before he was removed for medical treatment – remarked that he was fed like a fighting cock, albeit intravenously.

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