Chapter 10: Childhood’s End

09 June 1987 – Blackington Road, New Salem, Massachusetts

Jeff sat with Allison, Kathy, and Jack at Allison’s graduation party the day after the ceremony. Jeff explained to his friends what the atmosphere was like at his family’s table during the post-graduation lunch the previous day: Nobody spoke a word. There was no graduation party planned at the Knox household, either. Jeff was surprised that his mother had even shown up to graduation.

“That sounds like it was awkward,” Jack said.

“You’re a master of understatement, Mr. Jarrett.”

“So when do you leave, Jeff?” Kathy asked.

“I’m scheduled to report for Basic Training early in the morning on July sixth. I’ll fly out of Bradley the day before.”

“And things at home aren’t any better?” He gave Kathy a look. “Yeah, didn’t think so.”

“What are you going to do, Jeff?” asked Jack.

Jeff shrugged. “Enjoy the time I have left here with my friends. Mom can be part of that if she wants, but if she doesn’t, it’s not my problem.”

“What do you mean you’re going to leave early?” Allison cried, her face falling.

“I’m sorry, Allison,” he replied while she buried her face in his chest. “I know I said three weeks ago that I wasn’t going to let Mom’s attitude affect me, but it’s gotten ten times worse now that school’s out. The earliest I can leave is the first. If I don’t leave soon, I’m gonna say something I’ll regret. I wish I didn’t have to, but...”

“Two days...” she whispered. Jeff could see tears forming in her eyes.

Jeff swore to himself almost a year ago that he’d never put himself in this position again. Of course, he should have realized that promise was not at all realistic.

Jeff would leave the quiet valley where he grew up tomorrow. He didn’t know when he was coming home again, despite what he told his sister in January. He hugged Mrs. Newbury, and she kissed his cheek goodbye. Mr. Newbury received a firm handshake. He thanked both of them for dinner and wished them well. He led Allison out onto her driveway and into the warm summer night.

The pain of the impending separation was no less sharp now than it had been with Pauline the year before. It was even more acute for Allison, as it was her first relationship. Whoever said ’tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all’ needed a solid punch in the nose. Jeff kissed Allison goodbye one last time in painful cases of déjà vu and role-reversal.

“Reach for the stars, kid,” he managed to croak out.

“You keep your head down,” she sniffed. “I’ll send you my address at MIT as soon as I know what it is. Write to me when you can?” Jeff nodded before climbing into his car.

He made it three miles down the road before he had to pull over.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m sleeping in the guest room tonight, Marisa,” Joe answered. “I have to get up early tomorrow, and I don’t want to wake you.”

“I don’t want you to sleep there! I want you to sleep in here!”

“And I want you to say goodbye to Jeff in the morning. Are you going to say goodbye to your son in the morning?” Marisa was silent. “I didn’t think so. Your son said goodbye to his girlfriend last year, and you were there for him. He said goodbye to his girlfriend tonight, and where were you? Up here pouting, that’s where. Pouting because he’s not going to college, a choice he made, Marisa! He also chose to leave this house early because of you!”

“You stole five days from him, Marisa. Five days. Five days with Kara and me. Five days with his friends. Five days with Allison, a wonderful, brilliant girl you never bothered to get to know because your feelings are hurt. Our son is grown up, Marisa. Not growing up, but grown up. He can make his own choices. If you remember, he’s been doing that since he was thirteen.”

“I love you, Marisa. I’ve loved you for over twenty years. I say this because I love you – you are wrong. You’ve been wrong about this from Day One. I’ve tried giving you room to get over your mad, but enough is enough. I’m telling you this right now: Kara and I will stay in contact with Jeff after he leaves. He is my son. He is her brother. You can choose to throw him away if you want, but we’re keeping him. Deal with it.”

Joe opened the door to their bedroom. He turned back to his wife before he stepped through it. “And in case you’ve forgotten, I didn’t go to college, either.”

Joe looked over at his son while he drove him to the airport in Windsor Locks. Jeff stared out the window while they drove, having kept silent since they left the house. They were now only twenty minutes from their destination. The sun was starting to rise in the east.

“Jeff?”

“Yeah, Dad?” Jeff replied without turning away from the window. His voice was flat, emotionless.

“I’m sorry things are turning out this way for you. I’ve been trying to talk to your mother about this, but, well, you know how she can be...”

“Yeah, Dad,” Jeff sighed. “I do.” He turned away from the window and faced his father. “I’m sorry you’ve been in the middle of this, Dad. I didn’t mean to come between you and Mom, but, dammit, this is my life and my choice.”

“I know it is, Jeff. On the one hand, I’m proud of you for taking charge of your life. On the other hand, as a dad, I’m nervous about what could happen.”

“I guess I understand that at least somewhat, Dad. I can’t say why I enlisted, other than I felt drawn to the Army. I know I’d do well at college, but there’s no subject calling to me yet. History will likely be my choice, at some point. I’d just be wasting my time and your money right now. I know I didn’t have to enlist as you did, but...” Jeff turned back to the window. “This is something I feel that I need to do, Dad.”

Joe Knox nodded at his son’s words while negotiating the maze that was the airport’s property. Jeff indicated that he only wanted to be dropped off and that Joe didn’t need to come inside.

“You said the airline will honor that travel voucher four days early?”

“Yeah, Dad. That’s what the recruiting station said when I called the other day to check.”

Joe pulled the car to the curb and put the car in park. “Well...”

“Yeah...”

“You take care of yourself, Jeff,” his father said, his emotions wearing on him. “Give it your best.”

“‘Anything worth doing is worth doing right,’ right, Dad?”

Joe had said that to the kids over and over as they grew up. Joe didn’t trust himself to speak anymore, so he held out his hand. Jeff grasped it in a firm grip.

“I promised Kara that I’d come home for her graduation if I can. Tell Mom I love her?” Joe nodded. “Love you too, Dad.”

Joe pulled his oldest into a firm hug. The two held the embrace. Jeff broke it a minute later, climbed out of the car, and retrieved his one bag from the back seat. He turned his back to the car and stood at the curb to gather himself. His father did the same before he pulled back into traffic.