I have been entertained by love about as much as I care to, thank you. You see I'm a two time loser at the relatively young age of 26. That's right I've been married and divorced and had another marriage annulled in a period of time that most guys are still looking for "the one".
I'm James William Kelly by the way. Alexi Dennis and I met in high school and dated for about a year before graduating. She was tall at 5 feet 9 with a mane of long auburn hair, green eyes and a body that caused men and young boys to fantasize and run around in circles. There was more than one guy that tried to get and keep her attention. Her face was like an angel's, but an angel with a devil sitting on her shoulder leading her into trouble. You could tell by the look in her eyes that "Lexi" was something of a wild child.
The reason that I succeeded where others failed is that I never gave in to her womanly wiles. If a guy said no or refused to do what she wanted, Lexi would lower her head and look up at a guy with her soulful eyes and rub against him to get his attention. Then she would pout and use a little girl voice to get the young man to do what she wanted.
On our second date she tried to control me in this way and I just ignored her when she went into her little act. It wasn't that I was immune but I had watched other guys get wrapped around her finger and decided that I'd rather be a free agent and alone than to be at her beck and call.
To cite one example, on our fourth date we were on a picnic at the beautiful river just outside of our home town. The river was a clear spring fed stream flowing between some low hills. The water flowed up against a rock bluff and formed a swimming hole with a gravel beach that we used all summer. There were ten or twelve in the group, mostly couples but with a couple of single guys along too. The plan was to stay all day and have a cook out on the banks of the river that evening.
We ran out of the type of soda that Lexi preferred and she wanted me to drive back to get her some while she stayed at the river with the rest of the group. The last thing I wanted to do was leave her alone, especially with those two single dudes around.
"You want me to drive for 15 miles one way over a dirt road just to get you a soda?" Can't you drink something else this one time Lexi?" She started her little pouting routine on me and that's when I decided that I wasn't going to be her lap dog. I couldn't believe that she wanted me to waste an hour or more just to get her a soda.
"I don't think so sugar. Don't take too long or you'll miss all the fun," I told her as I tossed her the keys to my truck. She dropped the keys and walked away.
For the next couple of hours she made it a point to spend a lot of time with the two single guys in the group and with the others while ignoring me. Lexi didn't do anything wrong with either of the guys except she was supposed to be my date, not theirs. My day was spent playing in the river and hiking along the banks alone. I thought this looks like the end of a very brief romance. If she wants those guys, let her have them; I wasn't going to run after her and I wasn't going to be her boy toy to order around.
As the day wore down to late afternoon, the couples began to set up the grills for the planned BBQ. Lexi came back to where I was starting my grill and sat down. I looked over at her and continue to set up the grill.
"I decided to forgive you and eat dinner with you," she said with a bright smile as if bestowing a gift on me.
"That's big of you; thanks, but no thanks Lexi. My food and my cooking are for me and my date; since you left me I guess I'll be cooking just for me. Go back to the two guys you spent the afternoon with and let them feed you." I had no intention of making her do without but I had to make a point.
To say that she was shocked at my response was a gross understatement. I don't think she had ever had any one, especially a male, turn her down before. My rejection was something new to her and she didn't know how to react.
"But they only came out for the day and aren't staying," she said with puppy dog eyes.
"Then I guess you should go back with them. Don't forget your beach bag, it's in the front seat of my truck," I told her. I was purposely pushing her buttons to make my point.
Lexi was stunned, she sat for a minute and then tears started to form in the corners of her eyes. She really was at a loss. I let her sit there for a minute as I continued to work on the grill and then turned to look her in the eye.
"Look Lexi, I like you a lot. You are beautiful, intelligent, and fun to be with. But these games of yours make you just another girl. You're better than that and I won't settle for anything but your best. If we are going to continue dating you have to stop trying to play me. Just be yourself and we can have a good time. If not, I don't see much of a future for us. Okay?"
It wasn't that I knew a lot about women or was a super stud, but I had seen other guys play her game and then be pushed aside by Lexi. I didn't plan on being dumped the same way. Apparently my idea worked because our relationship grew after this confrontation and we really began to enjoy our time together.
I don't know, maybe she was smarter than me after all. We usually ended up doing what she wanted anyway. In hindsight, I guess I wasn't as much of a free agent as I thought. When Lexi flashed those startling green eyes at me, it was hard to turn her down.
We fit well together both physically and mentally. At 6 feet 2 and 200 pounds, I was just the right height to be with Alexi; she could wear 3" heels when we went someplace nice and not tower over me. She was stunning and my looks wouldn't scare little children so we made a nice looking couple.
The only fault that Alexi had was her lack of motivation. She knew what a hottie she was and had no intention of having to work for a living. Alexi's plan was to get married as soon as possible after school preferably to a well to do or rich guy and let her husband take care of her.
I on the other hand had a plan; I maintained a solid 4.0 GPA and worked toward a future in the business world. Alexi knew that I wasn't ready to get married because I planned on going to college and she didn't want to wait for me to finish my education. She might have had to get a job if she waited. Alexi and I would have probably drifted apart anyway when I left to go to college.
I really think that if things had been different that she would have dumped me that summer after our graduation. The little "blip" that kept her from kicking me to the curb was that we managed to get Alexi pregnant.
Lexi and I weren't in love and didn't feel that we were "soul mates", but we really liked each other and had fun together. (Apparently a little too much fun, it turned out). But I'm sure we would have parted ways when I went to college if she hadn't have became pregnant.
That's right; one month after graduation Alexi told me that she was two months along. We had taken precautions most of the times that we danced the horizontal tango. The one or two times that we didn't take precautions, Lexi said she was in the safe part of her cycle. Obviously she was mistaken at least about the safe part.
I have heard about a sinking feeling in your stomach and always thought it was just a phrase. Now I knew that feeling myself; I felt emptiness in my gut that almost made me sick. I felt my heart begin to beat very fast and thought I might pass out for a second. Recovering I told Lexi that I wasn't going to run away and that I would help see her through our situation.
A note here, the rhythm method of birth control is a crap shoot at best. It just doesn't work all that well. Of course if Lexi and I hadn't been in such a hurry at times we wouldn't have had to depend on a questionable means of birth control, now would we?
Lexi and I discussed our problem and I asked her what she wanted to do. She said she wanted to keep the baby; abortion and putting the baby up for adoption were never considered a solution. I had been raised to believe that you're responsible for your actions and their consequences and that you faced your responsibilities.
That left just one course of action; I asked her to marry me. I told her that if she didn't want to get married that I would still help her and wanted to be a part of the baby's life. Lexi agreed that we should get married and give the child a happy home.
When we told my dad and mom, Raymond and Molly, about our plans to get married and why we needed to, my mom reacted in a typical manner. She started to cry a little and hugged both Alexi and me. My dad also gave Alexi a little hug, said welcome to the family and nodded his head for me to join him outside. Oh hell I thought, here comes the lecture about I should have been more careful, how could I have been so dumb, etc etc.
Standing on the front porch my dad put his hand on my shoulder and said, "I'm proud of you for taking responsibility and doing the right thing. Your mother and I will help you as much as we can." Then he hugged me; it was one of the few times I ever saw tears in his eyes.
Alexi lived alone with her father, John; her mother had passed away when Alexi was twelve. Her father was a lot nicer to me than I thought he would be. I actually thought he might beat the hell out of me for knocking up his little girl. He wasn't jumping up and down with joy, but did show a grudging respect to me for accepting my responsibilities.
I had been offered a full academic scholarship to a very good university in my home town but with a baby on the way and a wife to support I planned to give up going to college. My folks and Alexi's dad got together and offered to pay our living expenses until I got a degree. They would pay for food, expenses and an apartment for us until I could finish my education. Between the scholarship and the help from our parents we would do okay.
We were married within a month after our announcement to our parents. They even footed the bill for a four day weekend at a resort in our area. Alexia and I figured the damage had already been done so we made the most of the honeymoon suite. We used very few of the amenities of the resort except for the hot tub and the round bed in our room.
Back to real life and in our apartment, to have money for the little extras necessary for a decent quality of life I worked part time on the loading dock of a UPS shipping center. Actually the schedule I followed wasn't too bad. I worked on the docks from midnight until 6 AM; then came home to eat, clean up, and go to my first class. I usually finished classes by 2 PM and was able to spend some time with Alexi before I had to get some sleep.
On the weekends we would do the normal things that young couples do; go to the movies once in awhile, out to dinner once a month or so, or just spend time together planning for the baby and our future. Our spending money was limited but we had a pretty good life. Our relationship progressed from two kids forced into marriage to that of a couple learning to live together and beginning to love each other.
About once a month I would work the weekends for extra money. The reason for this was that I wanted Alexi to be able to go have her hair done or get a spa treatment or some other girly type thing just for her. A mother to be needs to feel good about herself and her appearance.
Alexi and I were fairly happy. I don't think we were in love but we did like each other very, very much and enjoyed living together. We both knew that if there was no baby on the way that we probably would have broken up, but we were looking forward to our life together.
Possible names for the baby were discussed and we would make a decision as soon as we knew the sex of the child; we learned that we were going to have a son. We planned to paint and decorate the second bedroom in our apartment as a nursery and we made plans for a crib and all the other stuff needed for a baby. In other words we were planning the future for the three of us.
MEN PLAN AND THE GODS LAUGH.
Fate or the gods or bad luck decided that Alexi and I shouldn't be happy together. They decided that me doing the right thing and Alexi facing her responsibility wasn't good enough. We lost our son at the start of her sixth month.
I came home from work at 6:30 like every morning to find Alexi lying on the kitchen floor. She had been fixing a meal for me like she always did and fainted. There was a little blood on her nightgown and she was unconscious. I called 911 and followed the EMTs to the hospital. I called my dad and mom as soon as I could; and they joined me at the hospital. John was out of town on a job and we couldn't contact him.
Sitting in the waiting room, thinking and worrying about Lexi I realized that I would really miss her if this whole thing went south. I don't know that I was deeply in love with her but I had developed a more intense "like" that was beginning to turn into love since we got married.
Lexis' attitude toward "us" had changed too. She told me that she believed we could have a good life together and thought that we could learn to love each other. I guess the pregnancy had made her more mature and Lexi wasn't the same flighty girl that she had been. She was a soon to be mother, a more serious person and a young woman that was more sure of herself.
After what seemed to be a whole day but was actually only a couple of hours, a doctor came to see us. The look on his face made me think that everything had gone to hell. Once again I felt that sinking feeling in my stomach and my heart started racing.
He started out by assuring me that Alexi was okay, however she had lost the baby. The doctor explained what had happened; something about hemorrhaging and the complications but all I heard was that we had lost the baby. The doctor saw my response and had me put my head between my knees before I could pass out. After I calmed down a little he gave me a little hope; Lexi would still be able to have kids in the future.
We were allowed to see Lexi and as I came into her room, she started crying. She was very upset and kept apologizing to me for losing the baby. I held her and tried to comfort her until she fell asleep. The nurse suggested that I go home as with the sedative they had given her she would sleep until tomorrow morning. My folks tried to get me to leave but I sat at her bedside for another hour and then went their house.
When I got to my parent's house, I broke down and started crying. Even though I was a married man I was really just a 19 year old kid put under a lot of stress. My mom was holding me and crying too and my dad put his arm around my shoulders and we all shared a group hug.
John, Lexi's dad, called my parents that evening because he couldn't get hold of us at our place and assumed we would be with them. I had to tell him that Lexi was in the hospital and what had happened. As I got to the part about losing the baby, I broke down again. My dad took the phone and finished talking to John. Dad explained that Lexi was okay and would sleep until tomorrow morning. John said he was coming back right away and would be home in about a day and a half.
Mom didn't pay any attention to what the nurse had told me because she told us that when Lexi woke up, she would need a woman to talk to and left to go sit with Lexi. Mom basically ordered me to stay with Dad, get some rest, and go back to the hospital the next morning.
Lexi spent a couple of more days in the hospital and then I brought her home. She went to some meetings with a support group and after a month seemed like her old self. Well almost like her old self, she was a little more serious and seemed to have grown up a lot. To tell the truth I wasn't the same old carefree man either. I guess our ordeal had made both of us grow up a little.
About six months after losing the baby, Lexi and I went out for a night on the town on a Saturday. I took her to a good steak house, then to a little jazz club, and we finished the "date" at a little coffee shop. Lexi was in good spirits and smiled and laughed a lot.
We got back to our apartment and made slow, gentle love that night. It was the first time since Lexi had came home from the hospital that she had shown any real interest in being intimate and I hadn't wanted to push her. It was wonderful, tender, loving and we fell asleep in each other's arms. I thought we had finally turned the corner and could complete the healing process. Shows how much I knew.
Sunday morning when I got up, Lexi was sitting at our kitchen table. I said good morning, got a cup of coffee, and sat down across from her. She was very quiet and didn't say anything for a few minutes and then she hit me with the zinger.
"James, I'm leaving and want a divorce," she said.
"What?" That was my shocked response. "Why?"
"You're a good man James. You're kind, caring, and have treated me very well. I'm grateful and respect you for meeting your obligations and taking care of me. I even love you in some ways, but I don't love you the way a wife should love her husband." Lexi stopped to dry the tears running down her cheeks.
"We only married because of our responsibility to the baby, but when we lost our son the reason for us being together was lost too. I've been thinking a lot about us since I got home from the hospital. And as much as I like and respect you, I don't want to settle for anything but real love in my marriage."
"Lexi you know I care for you and I think we could be good together," I interrupted. Remember that sinking feeling? Well it was back; I didn't want her to go.
"I know and I care for you too, but it's not enough for either of us. If the baby had lived we might have made a good life together. My dad is coming to pick me up and then I'm going to go live with my aunt in Washington State. Please don't hate me James."
Those were her final words and she kissed me on the cheek as she went to answer her father's knock at the door. John helped her with two suitcases, gave me a little smile and said that he was sorry. I watched her walk out of my life.
I could have argued and debated with Lexi, but I wasn't sure of my feelings for her. Was it losing her that bothered me or losing the idea of us as a family that caused the pain? Until I could decide the answer to that question, I didn't have the right to try and keep her from getting on with her life.
We live in a no fault state so the divorce wasn't a hassle or much trouble actually. Lexi moved to Washington and I gave up the apartment and moved back in with my parents. I lived with them until I finished school. The money from my job went toward my college expenses so Mom and Dad didn't have to spend the money on my living expenses.
I talked to John several times trying to get a phone number, address, or even email so I could get in touch with Lexi. Each time he said he was sorry but based on what Lexi had said he didn't think it would be a good idea for me to approach her. John really did seem to be sorry but he couldn't go against his daughter's wishes. I understood. I didn't like it but I understood.
The rest of my college career was spent without much female companionship. It wasn't that I had turned into a monk or anything but I just didn't want to get involved with anyone right then. The pain or hurt or whatever of Lexi leaving was still eating at me. I certainly didn't want to go on hunting expeditions to the local hang outs for have a series of one night stands.
I was a young, healthy, heterosexual male and the pressures started to build about three months after Lexi and I split up. An expedition to the local "body shop" was looking like my only course of action when the fickle gods decided to help me for a change and brought me Beth.
Beth and I had met in high school and even dated a few times. Nothing serious came of it because we discovered we would be better as friends than as a couple. I even introduced her to Sam, the guy that she went steady with all through high school. We ran into each other at the student union one day; I had been so involved with Lexi, work, and my classes that I didn't even know she was in school.
She and I sat and talked for two or three hours, sort of renewing our friendship. I told her about Lexi, the baby, and the break up and divorce. Beth told me that she had been engaged to Sam but she caught him in the back seat of his car with some skank from another school. Thus she wasn't engaged anymore and Sam lost one of his front teeth.
We went out for pizza on Saturday night, just as friends. That soon developed into friends with benefits type of situation. Beth and I both wanted to concentrate on our education and didn't want to get into relationships or dating so we decided to help each other.
Beth and I knew we could never be a loving couple but we were good friends and enjoyed our time together. For the next two and a half years we would help "release the pressure" for each other. A couple of times a month, sometimes more, we would get together to unwind.
Most of the time we went to her place or if the weather was warm out to the quarry or down by the river for our little get togethers. I had a basement apartment with an outside entrance at my parent's house, but I was worried about trying to explain Beth to my mom. I know my dad would have understood.
After graduation, Beth moved to Texas to start her career and I never saw her in person again. We talked a few times and emailed each other but those gradually came to an end. New careers and new friends didn't leave us much time to continue our friendship especially from long distance.
I received an invitation to Beth's wedding. Due to time and work constraints I couldn't go but I sent her my best wishes. Beth was the best friend that I ever had; not because of the sex but because I could talk to her about anything. I hope she will be happy; she deserves it.
I applied myself to my studies with a vengeance and graduated second in my class. One month after graduation I started a new job with XYZ Corporation. I was 22, a college graduate with a bright future and alone in the world except for my parents.
A little over a year into my job, I received a promotion and got my own office. Until the company could find someone to be my secretary, one the girls (maybe I should say women) from the secretary pool was assigned to me. That was Bobbie Joe Sawyer.
I hadn't been celibate for the year after graduation but I had purposely not gotten into a relationship with any of my dates. Well meaning friends would set me up with dates and some of them led to the bedroom but I didn't let any of them become serious.
Maybe it was Bobbie Joe's Texas twang; she was from Big Springs, or her blond hair, brown eyed good looks that attracted me. She was tall at 5 feet 8 with a voluptuous body that could start a bar fight by her just walking in. It may have been a combination of all of this plus the fact that she acted like I was the reason that the sun came up in the morning.
Her adoration of me would have been embarrassing except that my ego needed something like that. I hadn't felt loved or wanted or cared about since Lexi and I broke up. Bobbie Joe made it apparent that she thought I was the best thing since the invention of television.
Our first date was for lunch where she informed me that her name was Bobbie Joe not Bobbie and on our second date we went for BBQ and to a movie. I think it was on our sixth date that I dressed in a coat and tie and planned to take Bobbie Joe to a fancy restaurant then dancing afterwards. We never made it.
On Friday evening Bobbie Joe answered her door wearing black lace panties and bra, high heels and nothing else. She said something like "Hi cowboy want'a ride this filly?" Then she grabbed my tie, pulled me into her apartment and proceeded to screw my brains out. Later Bobbie Joe said she was tired of waiting for me to make a move so she took things into her own hands. And I mean that in every sense of the phrase.
Now I've had experience with women but nothing like this. We did things to and for each other that I had only read about. I didn't leave her apartment until late Sunday evening and wouldn't have left then except I had to get home, get some rest and get ready for work on Monday.
Needless to say, our relationship took a giant step forward after that weekend. We spent as much time together as possible and continued to try and break new free world records in sex and loving. From the minute that Bobbie Joe grabbed my tie and pulled me into her place, I was hooked or as Bobbie Joe would say, roped and hogtied.
My first warning should have been when I took Bobbie Joe home to meet my folks. My mom, who could accept a room full of terrorists with guns, didn't like Bobbie Joe. Mom was polite but I could see that there was no real warmth there. That was strange; my mom liked everybody, at least until they proved they shouldn't be liked.
I took Bobbie Joe home and when I got back to my house I saw Dad on the front porch and joined him. "Well what do you think of Bobbie Joe, Dad?"
"Well, she is certainly a pretty thing and she brightens up a room don't she? It's more important what you think of her James," Dad said. He usually had a direct, less than tactful way of talking and he was dancing around my question.
"Come on Dad, you're avoiding my question. What do you really think of her?"
He hesitated for more than a minute, gave a big sign, and nodded his head. "Okay here goes; don't let the fact that you're lonely make you do something you may regret."
"What the hell are you talking about?" I was a little upset about what he said.
"Bobby Joe is very pretty and you can't help but like her, however when you look at her I don't see the love there. There's no doubt that you like her a lot, but will that be enough in the long run?"
"Bullshit," I said and then stomped off the porch to go to my apartment. I guess I was upset because I'd wanted him to approve of my choice.
Three months later Bobbie Joe and I "eloped" from St. Louis across the Mississippi River to Belleville, Illinois to get married. In the state of Illinois you can get a marriage license and be married on the same day as long as you are of legal age. I was almost 24 and Bobbie Joe was 19, so we got married on a Friday afternoon and spent our three day honeymoon in the best hotel in town.
Bobbie Joe talked a lot about her folks during our relationship and mostly about her "Daddy". I thought it kind'a cute that a grown woman still called her father Daddy, at least for the first two months; I began to wonder if she had an obsession with her father because hardly a day went by that she didn't mention "Daddy". She had to transfer to a different department at work because company policy wouldn't allow spouses to work together. She said that I was her only real friend and didn't really like having to leave our department.
To say that my folks were less than overjoyed would be a gross understatement. But being the kind of people they are they welcomed Bobbie Joe into the family. I moved into her apartment and we planned on getting a house later on. We had discussions about starting a family but neither of us seemed in too much of hurry to do so. I guess we both wanted to get a little more settled in our jobs before taking that step.
We had been married about six months when she began to talk about going home to visit her folks and friends, which was a little strange. Bobbie Joe had always claimed that she couldn't wait to get out of the hick town of Big Springs and away from all the hayseeds that lived there; now she wanted to go back. I guess she missed her folks.
I couldn't take the time off work right then but I told her to take a long weekend and go visit her parents. They hadn't been able to come to our wedding because we eloped and she hadn't seen them in quite a while. She arranged for a two days off work and flew to Midland and her folks picked her up at the airport for the fifty mile trip to their place. Bobbie Joe left on Wednesday evening and came back on Sunday afternoon.
She was really happy to see me when she got back and we spent the entire evening making up for our time apart. For the next few days Bobbie Joe talked about her folks and what her friends back in Big Springs were doing.
Bobbie Joe changed after her visit home; there were times that she seemed to be off in another world. She would sort of stare off into space and when I asked her if anything was wrong she would just smile, give me a hug, and say everything was fine. But she certainly had something on her mind.
One month to the day after her trip home Bobbie Joe asked, "Have you ever thought about living somewhere else James?"
I had a feeling where this question was leading but just answered, "No, I like this town. Why?"
"Oh nothing really, I've been talking to my folks and they think we could do real good in Big Springs," she happily informed me. "All my friends seem to be making a good living there."
"I thought you hated that "hick" town as you called it and didn't want to be around those "hayseed friends" anymore." I reminded her.
"Well I thought I hated it too but after going back for a visit I realize that I want to go back; I think I belong there." Bobbie Joe had that far away look in her eyes again.
"Maybe we could visit your folks five or six times a year. There's no reason you can't visit and I'll come with you when I can get off work. I just don't want to move to Big Springs. My job and my future are here," I said. I was hoping that the suggested visits would solve the problem because I had no intention of moving to Texas.
A month later Bobbie Joe brought up the idea of moving to Texas again. "James, my daddy has set you up with a job at the Midland Oil Company as the business manager. He said that you would be making a little more than you do at here at XYZ."
"I told you before Bobbie Joe that I didn't want to move to Texas, so just drop it." I was a little put out that her "daddy" would set up a job for me without even talking to me about it first. He could have saved himself a lot of trouble because I wasn't going to take the job.
"But honey the cost of living in Big Springs is lower than here and we could afford a nice house there for what we spend for this apartment. Besides Daddy and Mommy have found us a nice place to rent with an option to buy and I think we should go take a look at it." Bobbie Joe apparently refused to believe me about not wanting to move. "If we moved we would be much closer to starting a family, you know."
"I'm going to tell you this one more time Bobbie Joe, I have no intention of moving to Texas or anywhere else. I like it here and here is where I'm going to stay. And if you just have to go back to Big Springs, you'll have to do it without me. And that crack about starting a family is a low blow." I stomped out of the apartment and took a walk to cool down.
The next week I got a surprising phone call at work. It was from Mr. Sawyer, Bobbie Joe's "daddy".
"James I know we've never met in person but when you married my little girl you became part of our family," he said with the same Texas twang in his voice that Bobbie Joe had.
"I appreciate that Mr. Sawyer. But if this call is about me moving to Texas, let me save us both some time. I have no desire, need, or intention of moving to Texas. Bobbie Joe and I have a future here and I'm stay'n put."
"Now son, don't go off half cocked until you hear what the program is, okay?
"Mr. Sawyer save your breath, I'm not moving and that's all there is to it. And if Bobbie Joe moves back to Big Springs or anywhere else, she will do it without me. Now is that plain enough for you? Y'all have a nice day, hear." I hung up on him because I had had enough of this bull shit about Texas.
Let me explain a little about Tyler S. Sawyer, Bobbie Joe's dad. He put on the big Texan act, but he really wasn't that well off. He lived on his "ranch" as he called it; the ranch was about ten acres of Texas plains and not really worth anything. His only income was from social security, his pension, and a check from Midland Oil for the natural gas on his property.
No he wasn't an oil man; the checks were for between fifteen hundred and two thousand dollars a month. This was hardly enough to make Mr. Sawyer an oil tycoon. There's a saying in Texas that describes Sawyer perfectly; "Big hat, no cattle". It simply means that there's a lot of big talk with nothing to back it up.
That evening when Bobbie Joe and I got home, the temperature in the apartment was somewhere around freezing. After dinner I sat down in my chair to watch a little TV and Bobbie Joe came in and dropped onto the couch with a huge sigh. She kept glancing over at me and moving around on the couch waiting for my reaction to her sighs and her pouting.
Might as well get it out in the open I thought. "Okay, Bobbie Joe stop the theatrics and tell me what's put a burr under your saddle."
"How could you talk to Daddy like that and then hung up on him?" I didn't know if she was more upset that I hung up on her father or that I wouldn't go along with their plans for me.
"Bobbie Joe, let me put this in terms a Texan can understand. I'm not some bronc that has to be broken and trained to do what you want." My voice was dripping with sarcasm. "I'm really pissed off that you and your "daddy" would try to run my life. You could have at least talked to me to see if I was interested in a new job or if I wanted a house. But then you already knew how I felt about moving."
"But honey..." she started but I interrupted her.
I'm going to say this one last time, I'M NOT MOVING, NOT TO TEXAS OR ANYPLACE ELSE. If you just have to go back to your "daddy" and Texas you can do it without me." I didn't give her a chance to say anymore, I stomped off to the guest room and went to bed.
At this point, I begin to wonder if our marriage was a mistake. If Bobbie Joe was going to make important decisions for us without discussing them first, we were in serious trouble. I couldn't and wouldn't be a second class citizen in my marriage. In addition I wondered if I really loved Bobbie Joe. I hate to use an overworked line, but did I love her or was I in love with her? Maybe it was both or maybe it was neither.
I loved being with her, she was vivacious, funny, and always in a good mood. I loved the way she looked; it boosted my ego to see other guys look at her knowing that they thought I was a very lucky man. Of course I loved the sex; she made it a point to keep me well satisfied in that arena.
But did I love her or I was I in love with the idea of "us"? The problem about moving was just one of several things that needed to be thought about and solved if possible. I had to come to grips with how I really felt about Bobbie Joe.
If things had been freezing around our place before, they were absolutely arctic for the next few days. Bobbie Joe had already planned to take off the next week to do some personal things and a few things around the apartment. So we didn't ride to work together as we normally do and we only saw each other in the evening; she wasn't awake before I left in the morning.
There was no verbal interaction between us except for things like "pass the salt please". The evenings were spent watching TV or reading or anything that would keep us from talking to each other. We still slept in the same bed, but we never touched each other. As far sex, I would have gotten more action from a blow up doll.
Friday on the drive home from work, I decided that the whole thing had gone on long enough. This situation demanded a solution because I couldn't face another weekend in the frozen atmosphere at home. I thought that I would ask Bobbie Joe if she wanted to go out to dinner and maybe we could talk and come up with some way to solve our problems.
I walked into the house and felt the difference; Bobbie Joe was gone. I checked and all of her clothes and personal items were missing. On the kitchen table was a legal size manila envelope, a folded letter, and Bobbie Joe's wedding ring.
The large envelope contained the papers for the annulment of our marriage; all they needed was my signature. Bobbie Joe had left everything we had with me. She hadn't claimed any of the bank accounts and didn't want alimony. If these papers hadn't told me what was going on, her wedding ring would have. I picked up the letter and unfolded it. The letter read:
I'm sorry but I have left you to go back home to Texas. When I came up here to work, I really hadn't intended to be here too long, certainly not for the rest of my life. The problem was that I met and fell in love with you.
I thought that being with you and being loved by you would make it possible for me to stay here. I do love you but I want to live my life in Big Springs near my folks and friends. I know I'm being selfish but if I stay, I would probably begin to resent you for making me stay away from my home. We would eventually begin to hate each other.
You haven't done anything wrong, but I can't be the equal partner that you need and want. I guess I'm spoiled but I need someone to take care of me and protect me from the world. You need someone to face life with you and dare it to bring you down. I'm not that person.
So I've gone back home to Big Springs. You can see that I have had annulment papers drawn up and all you have to do is sign them, send them back to the attorney, and our marriage will be over. I thought that an annulment would be better than a divorce. But if you would rather have a divorce I will sign any papers necessary.
My first choice would be that you would decide to join me here and let's stay married. Please think about doing that, I would love to continue to be Mrs. James Kelly. I guess I will know you answer soon.
Our separation is on me; I have always been taken care of by Daddy and can't get use to being a stand on my own two feet type of woman. I know that you don't want to move but I hope you love me enough to become a Texan and let my daddy help you take care of me. Again I know that I'm not being logical asking you to love me enough to move when I won't stay there with you. I love you but I have to live here in Big Springs.
I love you,
Well that certainly puts a period to the marriage, I thought. I really didn't feel as bad as I thought I should. Maybe that was the answer to my question concerning how I felt about Bobbie Joe. If I wasn't all torn up about her leaving, maybe I wasn't in love with her after all.